Today…

So. today. It’s been… well, it’s been.

It’s been a full year. I can’t believe it most days, still – not that he’s gone, not that he’ll never come back, not that I and my kids have survived a full year without him. My heart is still broken, and when they say time will mend – clearly they mean plenty more time, because I still find myself consumed with the inability to breathe. I know I told the kids that we’d go out to the lake, but they haven’t mentioined it and I just can’t bring myself to go out there yet, to face the lake and where we gave him back to the land he loved. I just… can’t. If the kids brought it up – I would have. But a big part of me is oh so glad they didn’t. Maybe when they’re ready, I’ll be better able to do so.

Then, today, in the mail, two things.

First, a copy of the paper that I wrote an article for. It’s the paper in California that TBF works for, and in that area there was recently a death due to an recreational use oxy OD. TBF’s editor asked me if I’d write up something for them on the dangers of oxy even when perscribed – especially when used in conjunction with other drugs, since that’s what part of what Kevin was using for pain relief. I did, and it was published down there on the 4th, and arrived by mail today. Naturally.

(If ya want a copy of the article, email me and I’ll send a pdf.)

So, while I knew it was coming, and hello, I did write it, and it’s my first article in a paper ever, even if it’s about Kevin’s death, it was kinda a mixed, mingled feeling thing.

Thankfully there was something ELSE in the mail too. Something I’d been eagerly awaiting. Oh yes. It arrived all wrapped up in brown paper, and the kids were all “What’s THAT?” and I snarled “MINE! ALL MINE!” because this was an expected package as well.

From the one and only Moose in the Kitchen! (Not to be confused with Nana Moosie who ALSO makes fantastic cookies) That’s right – I received some of her deeeeeelicious cookies!

After beating off the kids with a BIG STICK and snarling until they backed the hell up off MY cookies, and holding them, nay! clutching them to my chest like the precious things they were, I opened them and stuck my nose RIGHT IN THERE so I could get a WIFF of their DELICIOUS aroma of such a delightful delicacy.

And then I opened them the rest of the way, so that I could discover the fabulousness that was inside – and again began to beat off the kids who thought THEY should have some. Ha! and HA again! I say! Oh they looked fabulously delicious, see?

And as you can tell by the second picture – they tasted every bit as good as they looked.

And I was nice, and gave the kids one. To share. HAHAHHA!

Thank you, Moose!

So yeah. Today. A day of ups n downs. So I bury myself in work, (and sooth myself with memories of recently consumed cookies), and just take it one minute at a time. Not much else I can do, right?