Land o'Lessa

It’s one of those hotbutton issues – do you myspace? Do you let you kids myspace? What about facebook? or whatever other Social Networks are out there where evil predators could lurk and steal your preshush beebees innocence? And more importantly – do YOU know what they’re doing while online?

The rules at my house were simple – no computers with internet access in their rooms until they could prove to me they’d behave. We started with little things – club penguin for the youngest, Disney Channel online, Cartoon Network, those kind of things. Then, the inevitable question came. “Mom, can I get a myspace?”

Note that my kids ASKED me first. I know that not many kids ask their parents, or feel they need too, but my kids knew better. Because they asked, it also allowed me to set down guidelines for them too.

I set up the accounts for them, just as I had set up their email addresses before. The rules were the same – you can change the password, but if I ask, you give it up freely, or I shut it down. And then I added them to my friends list, which lets me keep track if I want to as well.

Now, I’m not a super snoopy mom. I don’t check their accounts obsessively, I don’t even flip over to their profile more then once a month or so. But they know that I CAN. At any point in time I CAN. I find that fear of mom is a much better motivator then my actually having to invade their privacy. As I’ve told them often -if you act like my eyeballs are carried around a chain around your neck, and that I CAN SEE EVERYTHING, then you won’t do anything you don’t want me to see, right? (It helps that they’re a little gullible too – like the time I convinced them a friend of mine could spy on their computer activities via AIM. THAT one was golden! To this day they still think J. could tell what they were doing online while I was on vacation!)

I find that my kids and their friends don’t mind my being a Myspace Mom, all told. In fact, I’m one of the highest priced pets in the “By your friends as pets” war, and have been passed around to all their friends as everyone tries to ‘own’ me. I always wanted to be the cool mom, and it seems that I’ve achieved that goal in style!

So while some teens treat this kind of joining by parents as an intrusion, I think the important issue here is how you’ve talked to your kids about the whole internet Social Media deal. Are your guidelines reasonable? Are you giving them the room to spread their wings, do you trust that you’ve taught them enough to fly? It’s hard to balance the protectiveness with letting go, but it’s exactly what we have to do.

It all starts by talking to your kids. Start early, but if you haven’t – the time to start is now.

So, my comment in answer to a question on the last Myspace Post became, well, a whole ‘nother post, so I thought I’d move it here, in case someone else had the same type of question, and would benefit from seeing the answer.

Avrum Nadigel said:

Parent’s have asked me how to ensure their kids aren’t creating alternative identities at their friend’s place… internet cafes, etc.

Any advice?

The other issue is that, regardless of prep, parents can’t control how other teens use their child’s info. It’s truly the Wild West out there.

My advice is what it always is – TALK to the kids. It’s hard to start now if they haven’t built a foundation already, but it’s better to start now then not at all, you know? Also, know your kids’ friends. Know their parents. And check THEIR profiles on occasion too. I’m lucky in that my kids’ friends all seem to like me alright, they call me mom, and my house -closest to their school- is the local gathering spot for their group. I make an effort to Scare get to know each of the newcomers that show up, make them feel welcome, and let them know that it wasn’t so long ago that I was a teenager (They swear I’ve the mind of a 16 year old boy, anyway!) and I know, remember, and understand.

Kids are going to rebel. BEFORE that happens, we need to have already gotten into their heads that they CAN come to us and talk. If you haven’t already, it’s going to be a rocky process, but that’s better then discovering your kids doing naked body shots at a bar downtown with a fake id in their back pocket – discovered because pictures are on their myspace profile.

It’s also important to TRUST your kids. You’ve spent all this time raising them, do you doubt you’ve done a good job? Have the kids given you reason to fret, or are you just driving yourself mad with ‘what if…’ scenarios just for kicks? We have to let them stretch their wings sometime. We have to trust that they’ve listened when it’s important.

If they abuse that trust, that’s another scenario all together… the minute they do, all bets are off.

As for what other kids do – we can’t control that. We really can’t. So working ourselves into a tizzy about it only drives us more insane and causes us more ulcers. Know your kids friends. Hell, know their enemies. Listen when they talk – to you, to their buddies in front of you. If we stop yelling and panicking long enough to HEAR what they’re saying, we’ll all be in a better position to protect them when they need it.

Oh. My. GAWD. ya’ll.

I’m freaking out, but not really freaking out, but KINDA FREAKING OUT HERE. But not really. Not like I could stop the progression of time, right? It was bound to happen, and I couldn’t be happier for him, but still OMG YA’LL!

And ya’ll are like “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WOMAN” aren’t ya? Yeah.

So, let’s have a MUSICAL INTERLUDE! See if you can infer what I’m currently NOT FREAKING OUT ABOUT AT ALL! Because it was BOUND to happen sooner or later. I can’t help it if my mama’s heart was still hoping for ‘later’…

Yeah. Time to check the expiration date on those condoms in the window, huh?

(Quickstats – she’s a co-worker, 18, 5’2″, curly hair, cute, bubbly, sweet and has liked him for MONTHS. Out of the blue, finally, with a little nudging from his BFF, he made a move. Clearly a move she’s been waiting for. and again. OMG YA’LL! And all this is kinda vague on purpose, since I didn’t exactly CLEAR this post with the kid. *L*)