Land o'Lessa

…you can’t pick you family, but you can pick your friends. But don’t pick your friends nose…

Or something like that. All I know is that as the kids got older, I worried about what friends they would choose. Would they be good influences, or bad? Would I love them or hate them? Would we get into fights and would I have to pull the ultimate ‘you can’t see them’ card?

It’s easier when they’re little – then, as the parent, you’re in control of the play dates, of who they get to see and when, and no one blinks twice if you suddenly decide that’s enough at the playground because you have a “meeting” and pull your child away from the snot-nosed little bully that needs a good talkin’ too. You’re expected to protect them at that stage, see, and whether you go overboard (OH MAH PRESHUSH! -first baby syndrome!) or let them learn fundamental truths on their own (Told ya it was hot. Betcha won’t do THAT again! -3rd baby syndrome) – you are still in control.

Then they go to school. And make friends without you.

For the first years, you still maintain a bit of control – sleep overs become the norm, but you still hold veto power – but it seeps away a little more every year… and by Middle School? We, as parents, are doomed.

At this point, all you can do is hope. Hope they have chosen wisely, hope that all the lessons you’ve taught them are still embedded somewhere in the depths of their subconsciousness, and they will remember them when the time is right. Even if they think it’s their OWN idea – that’s ok too! At least we still have some tiny medium of control…

I will state right now, though, for all to see. When it comes to my kids and their friends? I got lucky. DAMN lucky. EXTREMELY LUCKY. In fact, while I may like a few friends better than others, there is not a single teenager or preteen in the group that I dislike so intensely that I’d not let them come over. Their parents, though… (Just kidding!)

I wish I could give you a formula on how to raise kids that choose great friends. I can’t. I just raised them up the best I could, and trusted they would choose well. From middle school on, The Boy has chosen friends with the same sense of humor he possesses, the same like of sharp and pointy things, the same grounded sense of reality and strength that he possesses himself. From fifth grade on, Peppermist and her BFF group – Micky, The Twins, Micky2 – and an ever present rotation of others as well, show a different pattern, a diversity in likes and dislikes, a mishmash of personalities, strengths and weaknesses that somehow comes together as a glorious, supportive, solid whole.

Both groups have made me laugh, have made me want to hug them like crazy, have called me mom, and have become my extended family – which is odd since I hate kids, but what are ya gonna do?

But a couple friends made themselves stand out above the rest a couple of weekends ago. They did something so shocking, so stunningly amazing, something that not even my OWN kids would ever do willingly, that I’ve since branded the Twins as my favorites de jour.

They scrubbed my kitchen floor, on hands and knees.

You’re totally jealous now, aren’t you? Not only did they do that, and loaded the dishwasher and cleaned off the stovetop and counters?

THEY CLEANED OUT MY FRIDGE!

And it was their idea. Because they were bored, and thought it would be fun – and it was, it seemed, judging by the laughter from them and Peppermist while this astonishing feet was accomplished. Which means?

I AM THE LUCKIEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

I just hope that ‘fun cleaning’ gene rubs off on Peppermist sometime soon… her room scares me.

~~~~~~~
PS -
I want to apologize for the lack of posting this month! I also cover Big Brother over at Big Brother Craze, and it’s taken over my life. Usually we get house guests that are night owls or early birds – this year we have BOTH! The amount of posting and work there is astonishing. So – rest assured, I have not forgotten my other beloved blogs, and I will post as often as possible over the rest of the Big Brother Season.

And if your a BB Fan – come join us BBCrazies!

Srsly? SRSLY?

Ok,so, last night we were watching “I didn’t know I was pregnant” because that shit always cracks me up – mother of 3 doesn’t realize she’s pregnant with number 4 until she drops the kid on the bedroom floor. NICE. Anyway, afterwards there was a show called “Obese and pregnant” and I didn’t bother to change the channel because I was working and hardly paying attention anyway.

And then I paid attention, because srsly? Who was the skinny assed bitch that wrote that shit?! This is the statement that got my attention:

“With 360 pounds on her 5’6″ frame, every step is like carrying a washing machine.”

…
… …
… … …

WHAT?! So, as a total fatass myself, who is 5’6″ and weighs quite close to the woman she was talking about, I can pretty much guarantee that I don’t feel like I’m carrying around a wash machine with every step.

(and YES – I’m well aware of the dangers of obesity, and NO I don’t need you to tell me I’m a fatass, so just turn your little commenting fingers away if that’s all you’ve got to say.)

And it even got worse. This was a show of scare tactics, plain and simple. That and deliberate inhumane dehumanization of one of the women. Two had complications, all three had c-sections, but here’s the worst thing. When one woman went for her epidural, they used TAPE to move her fat aside, assuring her that this was normal, and that they had to in order to get to her spine for the epidural.

Bullshit.
BULLSHIT.

I’m well aware that maybe I carry my fat around my frame differently? But sitting up, hunched over as they make you do, my spine is in PERFECT view – no problems reaching/getting to it at all, let alone with the need to TAPE MY FAT UP TO MY SHOULDERS. It was RIDICULOUS.

And it got worse.

Once they laid her down, they used the same 3-4 inch wide tape to hook under her belly and LIFT IT, hooking the other end of the tape to the bar just above her head, in a move that was VISIBLY overkill and unneeded. The ONLY cause for it to be done was to further humiliate and dehumanize a woman who’s already emotionally distraught.

I was pregnant the first time relatively thin – heavy by most standards, but not bad at all. I lost weight with my second. With my third, I was heavy to begin with and heavy to end with. But NEVER would my OB have had to TAPE my shit aside to do her job.

Other irritants: I’m sorry – at 9 months pregnant, even if you started out a skinny ass bitch, walking up steps takes your breath away, you need help sitting up out of bed at times, and you can’t breathe easily. These are not symptoms of OBESITY per se – but of having a BABY squishing EVERYTHING inside out of place as well as your joints going all loosey goosy on you! I had all those problems with all THREE of my pregnancies – skinny ass or not.

This show was a clear case of extremes and scare tactics.
Boo,TLC. BOO. Go back to your little people shows and John and Kate +1029381209321.

A double celebration for Alaska today!

“Good Morning! This is the Alaska Statehood Flag, 7 rows of 7 stars. This flag flew over our Capital 50 years ago today. Happy Birthday America, and God Bless Alaska.”

We’re very proud of our Drumline!

Now…

When asked if I’d bought this Streamer Crown for the pup – I may or may not have said “NO! It’s Mine! I’m a PRETTY, PRETTY PRINCESS DAMMIT!” and the woman sitting near us may or may not have burst out laughing, loudly. I’m not sure why… *snerk*

How was YOUR 4th? Ours – Sunburnt. Again. You’d think we’d learn…

We did what we always do on July 4th:
– go to the parade
– forget the sunscreen
– rationalize that to go back and get it would be silly because
– it ALWAYS is cold and foggy on the 4th
– belatedly remember that it’s sometimes REALLY HOT too
– realize that this? Is one of those years.
– make lobsters jealous with the color of your exposed skin.
– oh, and Enjoy the Parade despite courting skin cancer.

Fun, huh?

Actually it was a lovely day, despite my sunburn! Peppermist, her BFF Micky, the Pup, Nana and I met up at the parade, and giggled and pointed and took a ton of pictures, while enjoying a bit of our small town life – that looks anything but small town. You see, the parade is the BIGGEST party of the year – even though we have no firework.

…I see your confused expression there – let me remind you that I live in Alaska, land of the midnight sun. Fireworks aren’t any fun if you can’t SEE them!

When you live in Alaska, you often make your own fun – like so:
The Pup: Did you get that streamer headband for ME?
Me: NO! because I’m a PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS, DAMMIT!
Mom nearby: (Tries not to laugh outloud. Chokes. Gives up. Laughs loudly)
Me: (points and laughs at nearby mom – gives up the Streamer Headband)
Pup: I AM A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!

Or:

Micky: I like sitting next to the highway – the wind from the cars is cooling.
Peppermist: Did you just say ‘the highway is for cars’?!
Me: OH EM GEE! NO WAI! The highway is for CARS?!

See, don’t you wish you hung around with us ALL the time?!

After the parade, we braved the local grocery store, IGA, because they had bacon on sale, and I’ve never met a slice of bacon I didn’t devour – and we stayed to see if we won the $500 grocery spree. We didn’t, but we had fun anyway – Peppermist teased Nana because she’s taller than her, and pup proved a most EXCELLENT bunny ear giver for picture purposes.

Then after the fun, we headed home to nurse our burning skin, listen to some tunes, find the cat that had escaped earlier, and relax.

Here’s hoping your 4th was filled with easy going, relaxing family fun too!

Alright my Big Brother Crazies and Reality Dazies!

We have our Pool Party, where everyone has been assigned their houseguest, and we’ll be watching that all summer long as we cheer and jeer ‘our’ houseguest on – but then I had a thought.

Ya know? Folks might like something where they get to PICK their houseguests too. And what if they like more than one? And what if they’re the first evicted from the original Pool? How sad that would be!

So – here’s a deal for you – special and hot off the press on this 4th of July.
It’s the BBE Pool Party v2 – You Pick’um!
What’s at stake? A $50 Amazon Gift Certificate from yours truly!
Here’s how it will work:

1. Each week, you’ll pick your team – 3 houseguests that you think will net you the most points during the three CBS Network shows each week, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday nights. You can choose any of the houseguests for your team, but once you choose them for the week and I close the thread, you are locked in until after the Eviction on Thursday night. The HOH Competition on Thursday will be the first points gained during the week.

(For Example: Thursday’s show will have eviction and HOH – Eviction points counts for that week, HOH points for the following week.)

2. There are a variety of ways that we will add and subtract points. Only instances that occur during the CBS Network shows on Sunday, Tuesday and Thursdays will count!
They points are as follows:

a. Wins HOH +7
b. Wins POV +5
c. Goes on Slop –3
d. Cries +2
e. Gets Bleeped +1
f. Kisses another HG on the lips +3
g. Fights +3
h. Has a body part blurred +2
i. Nominated for Eviction –3
j. Wins Luxury Comp +3
k. Evicted –7

3. You can join/drop at any point during the season. This is about total points – so it’s in your best interest to get your team picked asap – but if don’t start week one, that’s alright.

4. The first week will include the Premiere show – so Thursday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

5. The count of the BBC/RD/BBE Team will be FINAL. If you think that I made a mistake or missed something, you can let me know when I post that show’s totals – within 24 hours of my posting and I will double check. After that, suck it up. If I come up with the same count twice? That’s the final answer.

6. The deadline for the first week’s Team picks is 7pm EST, July 9th, Premiere Time! You may pick again after eviction the following week, at any time before Sunday’s show, EST. I will lock the thread at the deadline, and you will be locked in for the week.

7. Most points at the end of the season? Wins!

So who’s in? If you want to play along, then sign up under the Pool Party v2 – You Pick’um thread, Week One, on the forums and we’ll get this party started! Spread the word, tell your friends, and let’s have fun! Don’t forget the Original Pool Party too – you can definitely play in both! Pool #1 is full, but if we get 13 more, we’ll open Pool number Two!

Let’s get this party STARTED!