Land o'Lessa

So, you like, go through half a month of posting every day, and folks, it seems, start to EXPECT it to be here when they come around! And when ya ain’t written nothin yet, they all email you and start chompin at the bit and demanding that I entertain him, I mean them.

But man. I got NUTHIN.

Well. I could tell ya that TBF and I spent yesterday contemplating the values of cutting someone’s hair with a blow torch, in true Horror Film Esque fashion, and there may have been something about stomping puppies and taking battle axes to watermelons too, all in an effort to ease foul moods. Hahaha. Yes, crossing us in bad moods is not a good idea – specially if there’s blow torches or battle axes or puppies around.

(Oh stopit. we wouldn’t REALLY do that. most days.)

Instead of doing those, though, I ended up snapping at the kids, because OHMAHGAWD how HARD is it to stretch your arm TWO INCHES to the left and throw garbage away instead of leaving it on the counter?! And coming out and saying “I did this, now someone ELSE do this” is only allowed if your the MOTHER and IN CHARGE – when you are a TEENAGER, it’s not gonna be taken nicely, and what happens next is the Mother slamming shit into the sink, AND making a point of getting what she’d asked you to do that you’ve been putzing around at doing for 2 hours done in five minutes and THEN she’ll even yell a bit to make SURE her point is getting across.

Thank god I wasn’t PMSing, on top of it all huh?

(hide the blowtorches! And, you know, Auntie Ladybug’s hair. hahahah)

Ahem. Lessa was a bit irritated last nigh, see? So we totally shouldn’t talk about that, you know? Hahaha.

So that leaves… um. Well. This post. But look at it this way – by Thursday night, Friday and Saturday – I’ll have things to talk about! There will be family, food, and Christmas Comes To Kenai Celebrations, and Birthday Parties, and stuff! So, like. Totally stick around, huh?

Now, I gotta go make my Sims STOP WOOHOOING already! GOSH!

So, in retaliation for my making her watch reality tv (and her LIKING it! HAHAHA!), Jamie insisted that I Must! Have! Sims! 2! and in a fit of boredom one day, I ordered it and installed it on Scooter. Then, of course, I had to order another copy that would work on Lola (don’t have a dvd player on her, only on scooter)  for the kids because OH MAH GAWD the bitching.. and I may let them use Lola now, but SCOOTER IS MINE – HANDS OFF YA MANGY BRATS! Ahem. So anyway, it came in yesterday, and oh lordy. I thought it was amusing to play and yell at the SIMS for being stupid, but that’s not HALF as fun as listening as my kids play, and yell at their sims, and each other. Some choice bits heard last night between The Girl and her BFF, and/or The Boy:

We love the lesbos! (Mom: yes, they’re politically incorrect. They’re THIRTEEN. *L*) This one is like me. And this one like me. And they had BABIES.

Hey – WHY won’t they WooHoo?!

Aww all my wants n fears are bout you baybee!

WE WANNA WOOHOO!

My gawd, will you PICK UP THE BABY? Why you leave her outside?!

Hey mom, can I say my chicks name? (this one via The Boy. The name? HollyWood Fucksalot. My kids KEEL me.)(and now Nana might keel mah kid. haha.) (also via the boy: Thats a mighty short skirt. CLEARLY she digs girls. (me – that connection makes sense only in your dreams, boyo… only in your dreams…)

You’re HUNGRY. Why won’t you EAT?

Get a JOB already. I’m staying home with the kids! Why – you win a coin toss? NO! Fine! Let’s Rock Paper Sizzors! Dang! 2 outa 3! DANG! 3 outa 5! FINE I BE THE WORKING MUM! GOSH!

They’re still not EATING! Oh. We forgot to buy them a fridge full of food…. whoops.

FINE! We will start a NEW family!

WHY THEY NOT WOOHo….heeeeeeeeeey waitaminute. FIREWORKS! WHOOHOOO! LULLABYE! WE CAN HAZ BABY!

That only scratches the surface of course, as they each took 2 hour turns to play, while I shook my head and snickered at them behind their back. While I was playing on Scooter. And talking them through some of the finer points of the game, etc. You know, like how to hit the motherlode and buy or build the house of your dreams. Hah.

So yeah. Sims 2. Kill me. (3 woohoos = 3 babies? you gotta be KIDDING me! STOP THE WOOHOOING! you got COMPANY! Kids! Take note! WOOHOO= BABY! NO REAL LIFE WOOHOOING EVER!) (that one? via Me. On the phone to Jamie. Who I then threatened undying hatred. And reminded her Amazing Race is on tonight and finish your BB9 app too, woman. GOSH. IDIOTS.) (shaddup.)

So. Anyway. Then? I went to sleep. And THIS happened.

WTF? It’s like suddenly we remembered it’s winter. in Alaska. SHEESH.

So – aside from being sick, and after finishing the vacation wrapup – it’s like nothing exciting has happened at all, right?! Things are just so NORMAL around here! Except for the fact I’m still trying to figure out how it’s already November – I mean, didn’t we already JUST do the whole Christmas shopping thing? And now I gotta do it AGAIN? I swear, it goes faster and faster and faster…

The biggest excitement around here is the new automatic catbox. Yeah, after being owned by a variety of cats over the past 20 years, I finally got one! I was a bit worried that my fatass wouldn’t fit in it, but he manages just fine – it’s actually roomier then the old one, due to the basic design. I got a Scoopfree auto box, which had the best reviews of all I’ve seen, even though the refills are spendier. I’d been warned about the (not so) quiet motor, and that it might frighten the cats.

HAHAHAH! When it starts, Annabelle will run from wherever she is in the house to watch it move. She’s amazed – it’s like the concept is some miracle from above “I went in and did mah bidness, an it CLEANED ITSELF! I never have to step in Ace’s bidness ever again! HALLALOOYA! An’ all the cats sang AMEN!” (Apparently she went all southern baptist on me briefly and all. Haha.)

It’s also had the side benefit of her not pissing on anything else around the house like she would do before because she’d decided that the litter was too dirty for her precious lil paws. Thank you ScoopFree! (and the kids thank you too. hahahaha. oh the hatred for scooping and catbox cleaning…)

Ace, on the other hand is all blase about it. “…it’s a catbox. Gawd, Annabelle. Get ahold of yaself, kitten.” In fact, when he snuck out to the garage, where the old catbox is currently sitting empty, he nanchalauntly pissed in it. “See? This too is a box to pee in. Big freakin deal.”

And that’s the extent of our exciting life here. Oh, and we got some snow too. But well, it’s Alaska. That’s bound to happen sooner or later. Heh. How’s YOUR Friday going?

So, I wasn’t officially tagged, but I’m stealing a MeMe from Zoot because I’m still braindead. However- I did NOT puke. I won’t go into any more details, but I am feeling better today, and even had enough energy to shower – thank god. The boy had a relapse though, and is home again today. I wondered if the pup was going to relapse, as she was feeling a little queasy last night, but she was bright-eyed and bushy tailed this morning, so off to school she went, while I did my best to catch up on two days of work. Heh. So – that leads me to this MeMe which I thought was cute:

“List one fact, word or tidbit that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your first or middle name. You can theme it to your blog or make it general. Then tag one person for each letter of your name.”

I’m going to use mah internet name, Lessa, because that’s what I’ve decreed. Hah. Here ya go.

L: low maintenance. I’ve never been one to primp – even in high school. While the other girls got up early and did the curling irons and hairspray and all of that (it WAS the 80s, after all!) I was enjoying an extra hour of sleep in the mornings, dragging ass out of bed with 15 minutes to spare, and getting to school on time. I was the bane of my early-rising mom’s existence back then, I think. Fortunately, she had my sister who was the primper and STILL gets up uber early. Not me – I’m a night owl, and I don’t do makeup or anything more then plop a bit of product in the hair and fluff it, or rock the ponytail when it’s long enough. S’all. I don’t need anything fancy, ever – though a maid would be nice. Hah.

E: easy-going. It’s right along the same lines as above – I don’t need anything fancy, I get along with most people (except for those that I don’t.. ha!) I don’t take a lot of things personally, I always give someone the benefit of the doubt (unless it’s a 4th or 5th round and then I get pissed.). Case in point – my entry a couple days ago about the whiners on a forum – people there start to bitch in 0.136 seconds after something is delayed. Me? Bah. They said they’re working on it, they’re working on it! It’ll happen sooner or later, why stress? I’m also the ‘cool mom’ because I am easier going then most parents. Life’s too short to stress about the little things, folks. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

S: strong. This one – well, it’s taken me a lot of time to own up to it. I never saw myself as stronger then anyone else (still don’t, really) or even strong in my own right. But at the same time, since being widowed, it’s been proven that I AM strong enough to raise my kids on my own, to keep going, to live again. That’s not to say it’s easy, at all. It’s to say that I can do it. Somewhere in me are the seeds of strength that I need to keep us going.

S: sassy, snarky and sarcastic! That’s me. No matter my size, my day, my life – I have a comeback for everything, and it’s almost always sarcastic or sassy. I spent my teenage years in trouble for sassing my mama, though somehow that never seemed to deter me. Still hasn’t. I love to snark on folks and stuff and life in general – it’s how I keep my sanity!

A: Alaska. Yeah, I had to go for the obvious – I’m what TBF calls his ‘lil ‘laskan popsicle’ and have been known to answer questions about Alaska in ways to further stereotypes. Yes, I live in an igloo, drive a dog sled, and hunt polar bears for a living. (see above sarcasm!) I’ve lived here most of my life, and will be here at least until the kids graduate high school, at which time the current plan is to move closer to TBF. We’ll see what happens then – we’ve 10 years to go still. I might just be too old and tired to decide to move by then. Hahahah!

So, there ya go. Day 14 of NaBloPoMo, finis.

…I will NOT throw up….
…I will NOT throw up….
…I will NOT throw up….
…I will NOT throw up….
…I will NOT throw up….

That’s about how I’ve felt all night. So far I’m winning the battle. I fear I may lose the war.

That’s the worst part about having kids bring home all these lovely bugs from school. (THANK YOU MRS. W – I know it was you who started this!) Eventually they catch up to mama – and we adults just don’t bounce back as fast as the kids. The older two are at Papa’s, quite possibly eating him out of house and home since they’ve not eaten much of anything in over 24 hours. *L* The little one’ll be headed down on time too. Then I’ll go back to bed and continue with my montra.

But well, you know MY mama likes to read these nice and early, so figured I’d get it up here.

Last night, we passed another Teenage Girl Milestone, btw. No, not that one yet. The girl has always had dry skin and dry spots (exema – though I dunno how to spell it. *L*), most especially on her legs. It’s been a constant battle to keep her moisturized and using a good lotion on a daily basis to keep it under control. She suddenly started making sure her legs were lotioned EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT – so I knew something was up…

Indeed, last night, the question came: “Mom? You think my legs are good enough now so that I can shave them?”

AHA! Of course, when she’s my age, she will appreciate the fact that her hair is EXTREMELY blond, and hard to see, and you can totally get away with not shaving EVER if you don’t want too. Last time I did was when I was pregnant with the pup, and you can’t tell. Ha! Anyway – permission was granted, and she bopped off to the shower after I told her where the razors were, and cautioned her to use a good lather, and also that she WOULD cut herself the first time, so expect it. She did much better then I did the first time! She only nicked herself twice in two little tiny spots – and she’s happily sporting hairless legs under her jeans today.

Le sigh. They grow so fast… (the girls, not the hairy legs. *L*) I fully expect the Pup to ask me within the week when SHE can, once she overhears the girl telling someone about it. Heh.

So, now? I must go back to bed and give my tummy a stern talking too – i WILL win goshdarnit! – and thus, I will leave you with pictures. Because you know you think my kids and animals are the cutest things EVER. It’s ok, you don’t have to admit it – we know. (grin)

There are few things cuter then a dog and his monkey (which he’s since completely destroyed, of course, in another case of Stufficide), unless of course, you find a girl to play with too…

The dog, of course, is pretty cute on his own – and completely shameless:

But he’s even cuter when he’s using the boy as a pillow:

And we can’t leave out the pup, who took time between bucket tossings, to prove just HOW BIG MY CAT IS, and why I was so shocked and thought TBFs animals were so small…

Meanwhile – Annabelle longs to go outside:

Until this morning, of course – we officially have snow on the ground. Heh.

And there ya go. I’ma go have that talk with my stomach now. Ya’ll be good.