…it feels like nothing matters. Nothing that I do, nothing that I am, nothing that I could be. Sometimes, I feel lost, and weak, and pathetic, and stupid. Sometimes I am positive I am an idiot, and only have what I deserve, and if I don’t have it, it is because someone else deserves it more.
Sometimes, it’s just too much to be the strong one, the one who takes care of everyone and everything. Sometimes I want to curl up and cry until I can’t cry anymore.
Sometimes, I am simply too tired to function any longer.
…sometimes, I wonder why it is there is no one to take care of me.
So instead of indulging in sometimes, I’m going to eat my dinner, I’m going to take a shower, I’m going to finish crying there, and then wipe my eyes, and go see a stupid movie with a friend, and laugh even while my heart feels like it’s breaking for no reason at all, and smile, even though somewhere inside it still hurts.
And someday, there will be someone who will care enough to be there when I need them
I know there are people who take care of me too – don’t take this as a slight in any way. Sometimes it’s hard to keep sight of that, and be strong enough for everyone else too. Yes, I know you want to tell me I don’t have to be – but we all know that is exactly what I am, and always will be.
I’m simply having a day.