Land o'Lessa

I love the rain. Breathe in, breathe out. Out with the old, in with the new.

Breathing easy for the first time in a couple months. When one finally cuts loose what hurts, and knows the pain to be real and true and worth it for the lessons it taught – it finally fades, and is over. C’est finis.

….where you are so angry, it fades away into simply being -tired-?

Yeah. I’m there.
And I’m done.

I’d tell him so – but he deserves nothing from me, and that is exactly what I”m going to give him.

Nada.
Empty.
Finito.

..updates I suppose.

When I helped him move, the week before he decided we had to take a break from each other, I was given his love seat and coffee table. Tonight is the first night I’ve actually used them. It’s odd how something so little can trigger so much, but it’s all apart of the train-wreck, and as such must be felt and dealt. (Don’t even get me started on the mattress.. heh.)

I mentioned on Facebook that I was playing Diablo III, mainly because I know he wants to desperately and can’t. Yes, I am not above such things. *L* About thirty seconds later, he commented that he was jealous and I was amused. Then I got a text that said “You don’t have to completely not talk to me :-/”

If I were keeping score – that would be a point for me. If I were. Which I’m not. (YAY POINTS. shush.)

The following conversation was all of 5 messages, and I kept it as terse as possible. He asked for a break, after all, “from each other” and no where in there do I see “you can still talk to me whenever you want” right? So I didn’t reply again, and didn’t start any other conversations.

So he showed up at work on Thursday.

(Point two. just sayin.)

He asked me why I was ignoring him, and I pointed out “Hey, you said we were taking a break, and you haven’t said anything to me either.” He said I’d stopped talking and I pointed out the last message sent was from me – so HE quit talking. He said he expected a hello or something the next day, I told him oh well. I did give him a hug, and admitted that I had missed him. Then pointed out that my silence lead him to miss me so much he came to see me at work. He just gave that little huff of breath that didn’t deny anything, and after we talked for a few, he gave me a hug and said “Stay. in. touch.”

I was good that I didn’t text him that night, nor the next day until he commented on my post about going to see Rock of Ages (Which was FANTASTIC!) – he said “If memory serves (him) right, (I) made fun of that move and didn’t want to see it, what gives?” Ah, I had to correct him on his incorrect memories. I was telling him about the preview, and that it had Tom Cruise in it of all things, and he made fun of Tommy, and pfft and took over the conversation. So I never mentioned it again. At all.

Then I followed it with a text and pointed out that he’d made fun of it, (and thus me) and so I never made my intention and internal fangirly delight known. He said “uhhuh.”

Sometimes I don’t even know. It’s alright though, I guess. I intend to have a good time tonight too – out partying with Scotty’s band again. He always makes me smile. In fact, I invited a man to join me, AND I’m considering corset-ing up too. We’ll see how I feel in a bit after my shower. Hee.

He makes fun of my bar crawls – but who can beat live music, played by a friend, and a margarita or two? Exactly. I don’t even care if I don’t get asked to dance. I’ll have fun singing along – just like I did last night at the movie.

All together now…
RISE UP GATHER ROUND LET’S ROCK THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND!

I’m so stupid. Or well, men are stupid. Or both. I dunno.

Met a lovely man – not perfect, but fun to talk too, fun to get to know, and (mama, close your eyes) the sex wasn’t bad. Not meltingly fantastic, but not bad. He could probably learn. Anyway – he had a lot going for him.

And I ruined it. I ruined it because the guy I’m not dating got jealous, admitted his attachment to me, admitted he didn’t want to see anyone else. Then the next day – recanted, and told me to date if I wanted but just don’t tell him. And then we spent some fantastic nights together, and tonight? Tonight he “has company” that I shouldn’t ask about if I don’t want to know. Oh, and I’m getting too attached again.

I’m getting fucking whiplash is what I’m getting. I ruined something that might have been good, because he gave me hope. And now, when I tell him that? He gives me silence.

I sure can pick them, hm? I hope he’s happy.

Back to the drawing board.

No, no, no. Not MY future date, because you are an idiot. But here’s a little hint so that maybe you’re NOT such an idiot for the NEXT girl.

For the love of god, REMEMBER WHO YOU HAVE MESSAGED ALREADY. Do not message me, text me, then tell me via the original site that you are excited to have my number and will text me later. Especially considering we’ve been texting off and on all day. It’s not brain surgery, you don’t have to be a genius, but it’s common sense.

– Along those same lines – don’t mass message the same thing to every girl in your town, especially as you’ve already called and talked to me, and texted, and DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH without word. I know I can be forgettable, but for crissakes, don’t be an ass – even if you are “a real ass man”, hm? [ETA: Just as I hit publish, this guy messaged me again. And I quote: "Wanna Fuck?" Yes. But not you. KABLOCK.]

And another thing – DO NOT simply message me your phone number and expect me to call/text. Here’s an idea – SAY HELLO. I’m not entirely old fashioned, but I am most certainly not going to do all the work for you.

I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I will not fall for such bullshit. Grow a pair, grow up, and try again.

Elsewhere.

Sincerely,
me – Fine All Alone.