Land o'Lessa

So, I haven’t written in a while – not that I haven’t had anything blogworthy to post, oh no, but more so because I’ve become busy living life, again, instead of writing about wanting too. You see, I met a man.

Ok, not really MET him, because I’ve actually known him since he was four years old, since my mama was his preschool teacher. (Yes, I’m older than him. Not by much. Shhh.) He works in the Subway at my Walmart store and we reconnected…

And then we CONNECTED.. if ya know what I mean.. (hehehehe)

So he came over one night after he finally got out of a shitty relationship, and well, he hasn’t left yet. That was almost two months ago (and, as the joke goes, that’s how i got my LAST husband. Hm. Addictive, ain’t I? Hehehe) So we moved the important stuff in first, and then his other stuff, and I rearranged the bedroom so we didn’t have to crawl over each other to go pee in the middle of the night (though there’s fun in that, too. hee) and we settled in.

And that’s where the story REALLY starts. You see, he has this lovely large…

…tv, and we wanted to hook it up, and he said as we were moving him in “Don’t let me lose these – they’re the screws to the tv. Very important!” and he tucked them into his pocket. The Girl, she convinced him to put them into an envelope, which he showed to me and said again “Don’t lose these!” And I nodded and went back to WoW. Cuz I’m a nerd. Shush.

Then.
THEN.

THEN! For the past, oh, month and a half or so, it’s been things like: “Where are those screws?” and “Well, if your mom hadn’t lost the screws..” and so on and so forth. All in good fun of course, but I was seriously wracking my brain to figure out where I’d put the mothereffin SCREWS. They were NO where, and worse? I didn’t remember physically TOUCHING them, so couldn’t put together any frame of reference as to where they might be! I remembered where he was standing when he showed me the envelope then….

Nothing.
Nada.
I felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad!
Apparently, I had lost the screws.

Or.
Did.
I…….

Tonight, he comes home, and at some point decides to look in the TV box to see if they’re there. I would have laughed SO much – but alas, no screws. None. Then. Then he comes into our room, and picks up his laptop case… and shuts it.

Fast.

Oh yes. HE HAD PUT THEM IN HIS LAPTOP CASE. Which means no – I had NEVER EVER EVEN TOUCHED THE BLOODY SCREWS! And He gave me hell for almost TWO MONTHS! And I felt genuinely BAD about the lost screws and HE HAD THEM ALL ALONG!

Oh, I’m gonna get SOOOOOOOOO much mileage from this one! HAHAHAHAHAHA! IT. WASN’T. ME.

*Snicker*
So. So.

SCREWED!

PS: already got dinner and dancing promised to me… what else do ya think I can get? Heheheheheheheheh. oh and..
PPS: I’m so telling his mommy on him tomorrow when we visit! HAHAHAHAH

Ahem.

THIS. is why I love raising teenagers.

So, the pup was in my room when I went to the bathroom, looking for something – and the following conversation occurred…

Me: Get ooooooouuut!
Her: Why, what do you think I’m looking for?
Me: stay outa my porn drawer! (cuz I’m classy, dammit)
Her: I’m not in your porn drawer. I’m looking for something. You said I could try your thingy!
Me: …
Her: You know – the fuzzy thing that vibrates..
Me: Again. STAY OUTA MY PORN DRAWER.
Her: ….shit.

Me and her sister: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Her: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!

For the record, she meant the slippers that PepperMist got me for Christmas. And? She says they’re not near as fun as they sound.

….snerk.

I keep forgetting this exists. Shame on me. I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting my next adventures in Dating Land, and wait with bated breath for work tales of woe and such.

(Yeah, I know. I’m talking to myself. It’s all good. heh.)

Truth is? I’m too fuckin tired all the time. I work my ass off – though not literally cuz that would be cool, right? – then I also go out on occasion, with a movie buddy and out dancing (where I normally sit alone and people watch. hee), and then there’s the Pup’s swimming, and concerts etc, etc, etc…

Aka. Life. I know. Fascinating.

So, to recap:
I’m alive.
I’ve dated a couple of times.
I’ve a movie buddy who is just a friend.
I’ve a FWB who keeps me on a even keel. Hee.
I have work – which is hell, as always.
I have friends, which is awesome.
I have the kids, who are awesome too.

– The boy’s moved out for real now, and lives a couple blocks away with his best friends.
– The girl is crawling toward graduation, and hopefully will make it there. Otherwise I’ll have to kill her, which is not good at all. Hee.
– The Pup is swimming, and doing fantastically at it. We’re hoping for her first Junior Olympic time this year.

So all in all – despite the lack of an actual boyfriend – life is good.

So – I had spies, as Auntie was there for a while, and scored me a photo of them together – as the pup says “When we were still happy!” Because her over protective cousin apparently “went off on [her] date!” because he’d promised to dance with her, and then didn’t. So now…

“If he DID like me, He’ll probably NEVER LIKE ME NOW and I’ll be a laughing stock of the school because I’ll be known as the girl with the overprotective brothers and cousins and…”

… The other two were EASY. I… don’t think I’m ready for this amount of drama… *L*

But, home for two seconds, and she’s on the phone with her BFF, talking it all out…

“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have asked him to dance..”
“It’s not your fault! He promised!”
“He didn’t promise, he just said he would…”

Me: SIGH.

It’s not the end of the world, of course, and she DID have fun, “Right up until they went off on my date!” *L* Aaaahhhhh, hormones. Gotta love em.

She says she had a good time, for most of it, which is better than an awful time for all of it. So we’ll just have to accept that for what it is. Specially as she’s not allowed to date, anyway.

[Though if I were her cousin? I'd watch out on my next date, else The Pup opt for Revenge... just sayin!]

So – the Pup comes home, and tells me that a boy asked her to the dance. Well, that they both kinda asked each other. And that she wants to go. Her first dance, and meeting a boy there.

Then she said “DON’T TELL MY BROTHER”.

Oh REALLY. So I posted it on Facebook instead. Then told her brother. She’s got one of her best friends on speaker phone, and they are discussing this… loudly.

The Pup: Well, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT? If you had a brother who’s HUGE and MUSCLY and wants to DRIVE YOU TO THE DANCE with his FRIENDS who are JUST AS BIG so they can TERRIFY the guy you LIKE?

….I am laughing, hysterically. and also? kinda terrified…