Farmer wants a wife – "As Country as Apple Pie"
So, every once in a while, a new show is so totally insane that it speaks to the love of campy hilarity that my daughters and I enjoy. I know, we’re total dorks, but Farmer Wants a Wife has quickly become one of those shows.
Poor Matt, the Farmer, has everything he wants in his country life – except a wife. As the pickins is slim in his tiny country town, it was just natural to have a bunch of city girls lookin’ for a change to join him on the farm and compete for his affections. They wear high heals. And drive tractors. Hilarity ensues.
We’re down to the final five after last nights show, where the City Girls had their turn at baking a pie with a true Country Gal – that looked oddly like a countrified Tammy Faye Baker, with a smidge less makeup. Just a smidge.
Brooke and Lisa are the bible thumpin hypocrites, who giggle at the start of the show about how they aren’t supposed to gossip, lie, talk about folks or hang out with those that do. On a Reality Show. Gasp! Before we get to Pie making though, they have to sheer some sheep, with plenty of help and the occasional girly squeal, while Kanisha gets down to business without any such whimpy wails. Then it’s a drinking game that turns crass while they play the question game and Ashley drops the f-bomb repeatedly, causing poor Matt to flee the girls’ house to wash his virgin ears out with soap.
The whole dang town gets together for a carnival, and it’s the Mayor and two ladies who will judge the girls’ pie making abilities in front of everyone. Including Brooke, who mistakenly used Nutmeg instead of Cinnamon. Whoops. The girls rightly encourage the judges to take SMALL bites of that one. In the end it’s cutie Amanda is deemed the winner – which means her ‘Iron Chef’ competitions with her friends at home have paid off. She’s sittin pretty and won’t be eliminated tonight and later gets a basket of baking supplies too.
Everyone wanders off and Matt takes his place in the kissing booth, and all the girls spend their tickets to get a little kiss on the lips – except Brooke, who says she was forced to go up there by the girls and only kisses him on the cheek. Will she be eliminated tonight? We’ll find out as – in the shows cheesy fashion that has shown us eggs, crosstitch, and moonshine to reveal the name of the ousted City gal – this time it’s fireworks that puts the poor girls name in lights. Lisa has to say goodbye, and the Three ‘Bad Girls’ are happy about that. Especially Ashley, who gets herself the nights Date.
It’s very awkward, as they talk about her brash use of the f-word at dinner, and crickets chirp as they don’t connect at all. I forsee miss Ashley leaving soon, if she doesn’t win all the challenges. She admits to the girls that it wasn’t all songs and roses when she gets back, moments after the other girls had dropped an egg in a game of ‘toss the egg’ and convinced Christa to lick it off the floor.
I guess there really isn’t much to do on the farm in Missouri, hm?
So we’re down to five – will our Famer find his wife?! As I’ve said since the beginning, I’m betting if he does, it’s Amanda.
