…it’s HOW far?!

It’s no secret. I am a large woman. I have the perfect hourglass figure – that holds 3.5 hours. Figures like mine aren’t born, they’re MADE – it takes time and dedication to get the kind of curves I’ve got – for SURE. (and what would I do if I DID lose weight? I’d have to get all new material!) What I’m not, apparently, is a SMART woman. Ha!

See, it started innocently enough. After listening to the pup bemoan the fact that she’s BORED and none of her FRIENDS are home and WHY aren’t they home and of COURSE I don’t want to do chores just because I’m bored momma are you NUTS woman but I’m BORED and LONELY for most of the day, I decided that I’d surprise her and take her to her Auntie’s house.

And surprise her Auntie too, because I didn’t call and say I was coming.
And surprised Deogi too, because I decided to WALK THE DOG.

I know. Clearly, I’ve been smoking too much crack. But, she only lives like a block away, right? It takes less then a minute by car, and the kids go back and forth in nothing flat (remind me to break their legs later, will ya?) and it’ll calm the dog down because he’s flipping out and so hey! Get the leash, let’s go.

… You’d think I’d know better, wouldn’t you? She lives an ALASKAN block away, and while they do things “bigger” in Texas? They ain’t got NOTHING on us. How long have I lived here again? 30 years? Yeah, you’d think I’d know better.

So I got the leash (Deogi goes NUTS! A walk! WALK! OUTSIDE! with MOM! OMG! WALK!) and the dog, and started walking while the pup pedaled circles around us on her bike. Deogi tried to eat everything, forgot the no pull rule, barked up a storm, but we plodded on. It’s good for the dog, see? The pup asked where we goin huh huh huh about fifty gazillion times before she realized what direction we were headed in, but still couldn’t quite believe it. There were KIDS THERE. KIDS to PLAY WITH. Kids to get in TROUBLE with. KIDS! WHO WOULDN’T BORE HER! Are we REALLY going to Auntie’s mama? REALLY? and when did you decide to walk anyway you never walk are we out of gas in the car again?

(Duh…yes. of course we’re low on gas – who isn’t nowdays? Conserving for the driving of the boy to work until payday on Wednesday. Smart ass lil brat.)

So, we walked. And walked. And I began to wonder just how long this walk was anyway, and when are they gonna just punch a shortcut road right through to her house already because holy cow my back is starting to hurt!

But eventually, we braved several cars, and barked at a lot of dogs, and pee’d on the street (…ok, those last two were just Deogi. Honest.) and turned the last corner to Auntie’s house where I could let the dog go and just have him race to Auntie when she called him, and plod my slow way to them.

Whew. So I stayed there for oh, a couple hours. Because I knew I had to walk back. And the Girl and her BFF took the dog on a long bike ride to get some of his energy out before I shot him, and I gabbed with Auntie and her very preggo friend who she’d been walking with earlier trying to walk the baby out. Then, I had to bite the bullet, the Girl brought the dog back (amusingly – the Dog that is Scared of Everything? LOVES to run up and down the giant plastic slides at the park… i know, right?), the Pup was invited to stay the night, and I… I had to walk home again.

Before I did though, I asked my uber fit triathlon running sister just HOW FAR it was to walk between our houses… she, of the 30 mile bike rides, blithely replied “I dunno, just half a mile or so.”

HALF OF A MILE? Meaning after walking back it was like A WHOLE MILE?
Did I MENTION that I am a VERY LARGE woman who sits on her ass and eats bonbons all day? Ok, not so much the bonbons… but DID I?

So yes. Today, the girl who prefers to stay inside and play around on the computer walked her dog for a mile. A WHOLE MILE.

Even better?
I did it in those SANDALS.
Remind me not to do that again, will ya?!

Now all I need is someone to make my back feel better and feed me bonbons. Harumph.

Tags: It's HOW FAR?