Orange County BitchBeauty.
Oh. My. Goodness. Could this show POSSIBLY be any more insane? Watching this last night prompted my houseguest to exclaim “HOW DO YOU WATCH THIS STUFF?” and I replied that I do it for YOU ALL. Seriously. It has nothing to do with my adoration of all things Reality TV. Really.
This week’s episode was kind of blah. Sure, they had the bitch from Season One, Tabitha, back to judge, and she was just as witchy as we expected from her with all her snooty little snide comments. (Yeah. I kinda love her a little. But just a little.) She judged the short cut challenge, which had the contestants doing “fun and flirty” with short cuts. Some were good, some sucked horribly, and the Charlie took the biggest risk with a Mia Farrow cut (short short SHORT) that was fantastic. Said his model “I feel naked, and I LOVE it.” He won the challenge.
Nakisa is the worst and told to “step it up” for the elimination challenge.
The next morning (after a night of complaining about Tabitha’s judgments of their cuts) they found numbered oranges, and totally couldn’t put together what it would me. I did instantly, and not just because of the 183201239123 cross promotion commercials I’d seen. It means, of course that they have to do the hair of the Real Housewives of Orange County, and satisfy them. Anyone who has seen the show knows this is already an impossible task. Poor Daniel is literally in tears and shaking as he sees them, and tells us how he watched the finale all dressed up and pretending he was at Laurie’s wedding. The rest of the designers make fun of him.
Meanwhile, I’m completely distracted by Rene and his “accent” which is more “Elmer Fudd with a lisp” crossed with my four year old nephew and I can’t even listen to him without giggling hysterically.
Seriously, this guy had no choice of occupation or becoming the ‘top of his field’ because talking like that he has to have some redeeming quality somewhere. Or a really big…
…comb. (…what, what were YOU thinking?!)
And don’t even get me started on that other guy, Kim. What the hell is wrong with his face?
Too much botox?
Lip enhancement?
Over-Manscapement?
SCARY MOVIE MAKEUP?
What is it?!
So – the winning style, out of a bunch where not a single one stands out as different or an improvement in my mind because none of the bloody housewives would let them do anything different – Glenn, Dee and Charlie are the top three, and Charlie’s work is declared Shear Genius.
Anyway, one of the housewives totally screws her stylist by not letting her touch her head with scissors or anything sharp, and the end result is worse then where she started, which is kind of frightening. Amazingly they didn’t send Gail home because of it, which was really rather shocking, and instead Parker is sent packing for a cut and style that I thought wasn’t bad at all and better then many others there – they didn’t like his color job and thought it was too severe and not age appropriate. Oooooook.
Oh well. I think I’ll make Rene’s comments a drinking game so that I can survive the season. Every time he makes me think of The Impressive Clergyman in The Princess Bride “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… ” I’ll take a shot. Then it won’t matter who’s work is Shear Genius, and who gets cut, will it?! HA!
