Boys and soap.

I like to wander through my referral stats obsessively occasionally, just to see what brought folks here to read about my kids and the care and raising of teenagers in general. Sometimes it’s typical boring stuff, other times it’s random words put together to get a porn reference, and sometimes.. sometimes it makes me laugh out loud. Literally. We’re talking a spontaneous gaffaw, here folks!

Such is the case with this one. Here is the direct quote, the exact wordage that brought some poor soul to my ramblings: “how to properly wash a teenage boy’s mouth out with soap“

I’ll wait while you bring the laughter down to a chuckle. Ready? Alrighty!

Now, this query brought some poor schlub direct to my post on cussing and the fact that I still do it, much to my mom’s dismay. Having raised a teenage boy to the ripe age of 16, it is amazing that I haven’t yet tried to wash his mouth out with soap – so I fear I can’t give someone the proper way to do so. Besides, I’m really not worried about my son’s mouth enough to break out the soap.

His feet, though, are another story.

Oh. My. God. people. I swear – I’ve smelt some bad feet in my life, but nothing prepared me for the stench that wafts from my son’s toes, no matter how many times he washes, how many clean pairs of socks he goes through in any given day. It is RANK.

Don’t think I’m just picking on him, either, or that he’s the only one of the group of teenage boys who has this little.. um.. fragrant… problem. At least two other of the boys are the same, one so much so that he will NOT take off his shoes for any reason. When people warned me about the sweat sock smell of a teenage boys room, I scoffed. No way would that be MY son. After all, his daddy was OBSESSED with his feet (NOT THAT WAY ya pervs!) so much so that he refused to wear a pair of socks twice. He always said when he went to work that he ‘lost’ them, but I knew better. We spent a fortune on socks for that man. He also washed his shoes, he powered, he sniffed, he made sure that his feet were pristine and scentless. I should have had it made in the shade.

But oh no. My son is all boy, and all stinky boy at that. To open the door of his room takes steady nerves, and possibly a gas mask. I nag him to shower, I nag him to change and wash his clothes, I nag him to wash his damn feet every day because OH MY GOD you are a stinky dirty BOY! Nothing works. This girlfriend situation is my last hope.

That’s right – I’m counting on you, MK, to gently (or not) introduce my son to the concept of non-stinky feet, encouraging him to find a solution. If anyone can do it – YOU can – and I will love you forever!

So forget the washing of the boys MOUTH out with soap. Anyone have fool proof methods to deal with his FEET? I’ve a feeling MK and I will need all the help we can get.