Does ANYONE else LIKE their teens?

Wow. So I’ve been wandering around a couple of boards lately, inviting folks here, checking out some of the parent/teenager relationships, and some of the issues that they’re dealing with, and one thing stands out more than anything else:

They don’t LIKE their teenagers. At all.

Now, maybe it’s a case of only the unhappy complain, but I definitely felt like I was in the minority due to the fact I really, genuinely love to hang around my kids – and my kids? FAR from perfect, just like me. A lot of their issues too seem so very minor to me that it leaves me wondering – when did parents forgot what it was like to BE a teen?

Needless to say, I’ll occasionally be addressing some of these “issues” in my typically smartass and snarky caring and sensitive way. A “Dear PTB” segment, if you will. Sure, they didn’t actually ASK for my advice, but being who I am? I’m gonna give it anyway.

Disclaimer: All opinions are mine, and I’m not a professional – just a mom. Posts have been edited to protect the ‘innocent’.

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Dear PTB:
My 14 year old is Crazy! She doesn’t pick up her crap, her bathroom is disgusting and she eats whatever she wants without asking! Her shrink says no medication needed, but HELP! She’s out of CONTROL!

Dear Seeking Control in a Mad Mad World:
Get a grip! Welcome to life with a 14 year old girl!

In my experience, teenage girls will eat more than teenage boys, who often get a bad rap for it. Fact of the matter is, a teenage girl will MAKE something to eat and enjoys the act of putting things together – teenage boys refuse to try unless it takes 2 minutes or less in the microwave! True story!

So why do you want her to ask before she eats? Are you THAT big of a control freak? She’s a growing kid, and if she’s taking care of herself, that’s a stand of independence and LESS WORK FOR YOU.

Granted, the not cleaning up after herself or her bathroom, that could be more work, but again – WELCOME TO BEING A MOM OF A TEENAGE GIRL. This does not make her crazy or in need of therapy or on medication. It makes her NORMAL. It makes her a TEENAGER. Your job as a mom is not to slap her ass onto meds, or try to “fix” her. Nothing is broken. Unless there are other things to bitch about, I say lay off the poor kid. You’re the one who’s gonna drive her mental!

The main issue seems to be about cleaning up – so set some boundaries, and guidelines, by TALKING to your KID and INVOLVING her in the DISCUSSION. This is a CONTROL issue, and at 14, your daughter is just looking to have a little control over her own life. This is not a bad thing! A little respect goes a LONG way – even if in something so simple an issue as this.

For my kids, their room is THEIR place. They wanna live in a stinkhole pit of disgustingness, that’s their call. I don’t let them have friends over if it gets TOO bad, though – if I need hazmat gear to go into their room? It’s time to clean up.

When Peppermist decided she wanted to redecorate her room I let her make the decisions – she chose the paint color, she and her friends did all the work, painting, rearranging, hanging curtains and pictures, and made it her own sanctuary. Now, me, I wouldn’t want to live in a HOT PINK room with purple trim, but it’s not MY room. It’s hers. She loves it, and she even borrowed her friends carpet cleaner to put the finshing touches on her room. Is it still squeaky clean? No. Do I expect it to be? No.

Things left in the living room/common areas of the house bothering you? Ask her nicely to take care of it. If it is REALLY that big of an issue for you (for me, it’s not and really, have you thought about therapy? No? That’s a ridiculous idea? INORITE?!) then bag it up and put it in her room. She’ll get the picture – especially if you casually mention you almost mistook the garbage bag of her crap for actual garbage and carted it to the curb.

You see, it’s about having reasonable expectations and picking your battles. A messy room is not that big of deal in the grand scheme of things, especially if there’s no other, bigger, problems. If she’s not trying to hide teenage boys under that mass of dirty cloths, or drugs under yesterdays dinner trash, than why is it a big deal? Most teens discover they don’t want to live in a total pigsty, and those who don’t, well, they discover that the way to hell is not paved with dirty gym shorts and mismatched socks. They also discover that when they start purchasing their own things, and living on their own – they take care of their things – and themselves – better.

It’s all in learning personal responsibility – and not going to some shrink to decide that they really don’t clean their room because they hate you, themselves, and life in general. Clearly the therapist saw through this since they told you there’s no need for medication – and there’s NOT! There are much bigger issues that you could be faced with, so cut the kid some slack, will you?

She’s not crazy. She’s 14.
~ptb

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So what do YOU think about this “crazy” 14 year old? Have a different take on it? Some other advice? Wanna tell me that I”M crazy? Hit up the comments and go for it!

Also – See that new button up at the top? Got a question you want me to irreverently and snarkily tackle? Ask PTB!