"I'm pregnant."

(That thud you heard was my mother falling over in a dead faint before she gets a chance to read the rest of the entry. We’ll wait for her to revive. Better, Nana? Here we go. 🙂 )

If you’ve been reading here for a while, you know I tend to be a snarky little wench and tend to put a humorous (to me anyway) spin on just about everything. Even teen pregnancy. When folks ask me what the average age for a first pregnancy is in my area, I don’t even bat a lash when I say “Sixteen. I was behind the curve by waiting until I was 21!” Because I’m so often a snarky little wench, folks think I’m kidding.

I’m not.

Fact of the matter is, we have a LOT of teenage mother’s in our area, and I know we’re not alone. Even our Governor’s daughter got knocked up, preacher’s kids get knocked up – it’s like it’s almost inevitable, and most parents are dealing with this by closing their eyes and hoping it goes away. They told their kids to keep it in their pants/keep their legs closed once, so obviously they’re in the clear. Know what I call those folks? Grandparents.

Let me break it to you gently: YOUR CHILD WILL HAVE SEX WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT. Not only that? but they will do it WAY BEFORE YOU ARE READY TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. And also? THEY WILL LIKE IT. Burying your head in the sand will NOT keep your child from getting knocked up, or knocking someone up. The only thing that will do that is education. And I don’t mean the “abstinence only” crap they’re feeding your kid at school. This education must come from YOU, the one source your teenager should be able to trust above all others.

It’s a valid concern. Teen mothers are less likely to finish high school, tend to be single parents, and find difficulty finding jobs that will cover the daycare expenses, let alone everything else they’ll need. Babies born to teen moms also tend to have low birth weights, and other complications – not to mention they’re twice as likely to continue the cycle and become teen parents themselves. This is not to suggest that they’ll be automatically bad parents or fall into this cycle – but the concerns are REAL, and ignoring them is not ok.

But we KNOW the statistics – the information is out there. So why are we so scared to talk to our kids about it?! Wouldn’t you rather have those important conversations ahead of time, rather than trying to shut the barn door after the horses already got out? Sexual responsibility isn’t something that your kid is going to think about all on their own – it comes from having an open and honest conversation with YOU. It’s time to force yourself to take the step from “I don’t want them having sex until married (or an adult)” to a more realistic “I want to make SURE they have the information to protect themselves from pregnancy and STDs if they do decide to have sex.” Studies have proven that if you have these discussions openly and honestly, your teenager will be 20 times more likely to use condoms more regularly – and even 3 times more likely to use the condom their first time.

Not sure how to bring up the conversation? Here’s some ideas to get you started:

1. Start singing “Let’s talk about SEX baby! Let’s talk about you and NO ONE ELSE EVER. And also, here’s a condom.”

2. The next time you go to the store, take your teenager with you. Stand in front of the condoms. Ask them if they think they’d prefer ribbed for her pleasure, or extra lube. Tell them spermacide is the way to go, always. Then ignore their mortified ‘omg i don’t know you’ looks and PUT A BOX IN YOUR CART AND BUY THEM.

3. While taking your younger kid in for vaccinations, bring your older teens with you. CASUALLY drop this into conversation with the nurse: “So, what age to you recommend the first pap smear?” When your teenager as picked themselves up from the puddle of embarrassment, ask for pamphlets. BTW – the answer to that question is “18, or earlier if/when they become sexually active” though they should see an OBGYN for an appointment to discuss contraception options before they take the plunge.

Look, I know it might be hard to broach this subject with your teens – girls AND boys – but it’s part of your job as a parent. So buy the box of condoms. Put them in an easily accessible place, and let your kids know where they are. Let them know that you would MUCH rather them wait – but you’d also rather them have the condoms if/when they need them, rather then NOT have them when the time arises, and that if you discover they are missing, you won’t judge or jump to conclusions, you’ll simply replace them. No questions asked.

Keep the communication lines open, parents. Talk to them. Listen to them. You’ll be glad you did.