What advice would YOU give?
SHINY
Umhm.
Z and S, see, have been together over a year, and I adore the both of them. They fit well together, compliment each other’s strengths, strengthen each other’s weaknesses, and are generally fun to be around at all times. But in all that time – I can count the number of times that I’d seen Z this nervous about a date, AND get dressed up, to boot. S even wore a dress. The girl has LEGS!
I didn’t see them again until the next day, as Z and S had gone home to Z’s house for the night. But when I did, my suspicious were confirmed – a VERY happy bubbly S, fairly GLOWED as she whipped off her glove to show me….
The Ring.
Oh the kid did good – it’s a simple affair, and real. He spent a pretty penny on it, without going overboard, and she was clearly happy with the choice. Conveniently they had recently discussed ring sizes for their Senior Class Rings, so he even got the right size – and this was the result of that secretive trip to Sister City. I ooooh’d and aaaah’d and congratulated them both, got all the details (He did go down on one knee, he did as her father for permission first, he was a nervous wreck and she was thoroughly distracted by the SHINY SHINY RING and couldn’t answer for a bit) and teased them some too. I’d always kinda hoped she’d come to her senses and decide The Boy was right for her, but well, having her with one of “my” boys is close enough. She really is that much of a joy to have around!
And then I gave my first piece of advice: Don’t. Be. Stupid.
They looked shocked for a minute, until I clarified. This doesn’t mean they can’t graduate, this does not mean college is out of the question, this doesn’t mean they need to get hitched this summer! Take your time, be sure, be rational, and I damn well better be invited to the wedding – that had better not involve any babies in attendance calling me NanaMom either! They blushed and stammered and assured me that’s not the plan at ALL, and that they would continue to be the smart little shits I know and love.
I know they are young, so young, to be making this kind of decision in a world that often waits years longer in this day and age, but they are so happy, that I can’t help but be happy for them too. And I’ll continue with the advice as well – because you KNOW I always have an opinion!
And so do you! So tell me what advice would you give the newly engaged couple?
4 Comments
hmmmm . . .
your advice is good
I’d add: don’t be in a hurry to move in together – keep that separate space as long as you can.
Be sure to COMMUNICATE with each other – learn how to do that, by asking open ended questions instead of Y/N questions (i.e. What was your day like – not – did you have a good day).
going along with the above: LISTEN to each other – really HEAR what your partner is saying. That is what makes communication good.
RESPECT each other: your persons, your privacy . . . allow each other to grow and become the person that is hiding within your soul.
BOUNDARIES: don’t be the kind of partner who tells your buddies/girlfriends all the little details about br activities, medical stuff, PERSONAL stuff. Some things are to be shared only with your loved one. Boundaries might also include NOT having those special relationships with other m/f friends. You can be friends, but remember WHO your partner is. 😉
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE each other – if there is a conflict, hash it out in love. This is the person you (will) have promised to love, honor, and respect until death do you part. (I understand sometimes that death means a death of the relationship, not a physicaly death).
For as long as you are together, remember that THIS is the other half to your soul – the other half to your person – the other half to YOU.
and, oh, so many more things I could tell you . . . if only I weren’t so old and so long married and had forgotten them all. 😉
muah and hugs to you both. May you have a long and happy life together and may I live long enough to see my great-grands through you as well as my own grandkids.
GAH! One of my fears as my children get older. I’ve seen far too many relationships begin that early only to end with heartache, disaster, and a huge therapists bill.
I can’t say that I agree with this move, but when they’re 18 there isn’t much you can do about it. I agree with the advice that you gave them, to take it slow and that they can don’t have to be married right off. I will also say that I always think that a couple should live together before they get married. That’s how you know if you can stand each other for the long haul or not!
Good response nana. I would also say dont go to sleep angry at each other. Its hard and ive flubbed on that one, but in the long run if you can talk through your problems before you go to sleep it causes less hurt feelings and anxiety.
Oh OH from the newly wed! It’s less than 2 years it still counts!
Don’t let little things get pushed aside and become big things. TALK! TALK A LOT! Talk about everything and anything.
Listen. STOP and really listen with full attention including eye contact.
Play. Sit on the floor with the kitty or the dog or a ball and just shot the shit and toss a ball…sounds crazy but some of our best conversations have come at these moments.
Oh yes…and um…..oh your young…you know the rest.