Dear Doxycycl,

Alright. You have all the warning labels. Eat with food. NOT WITH DAIRY. Stop taking vitamins unless it’s been 18 hours (and taking ’em twice a day negates THAT don’t it!) and take with plenty of water. And ditch the antacids TOO. And DON’T for the love of all things holy suffer PROLONG EXPOSURE TO THE SUN!

But you missed one, didn’t you? Oh yes. You missed one. I dare say it is the MOST IMPORTANT one. How should it be worded? Hrm. Something like this…

Please be aware, that on day 12 of a 14 day prescription, your face will suddenly bring back EVERY FOUL MEMORY of being called ‘pizza face’ in jr. high and high school. Oh don’t even think we are kidding – you will break out in such a way you will be CERTAIN it is the END OF THE WORLD and leaving the house will be the cause of GREAT STRESS even for you – YES YOU LESSA who doesn’t normally care because helLO who are you going to impress? Ah yes, our dearest PizzaFaced companions, these last two days will be HELL! HELL WE TELL YOU as you relive your tender teenage years with a breakout to cause all other breakouts to PALE IN COMPARISON and tremble before the knees of OUR PILL INDUCED breakout… Enjoy, mofo! Don’t ya wish you’d just decided breathing WASN’T THAT IMPORTANT after all? MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

Yeah. That should do it. Assholes.

Sincerely,
Lessa – reliving her teenage pizza-faced years.

PS. You can thank me for not including a photo.