Number two.

I like men. ALL men. Of all shapes and sizes and colors and tastes. I like men who make me feel good, who stimulate more than just my body, who make me feel wanted. With that in mind, when our second victim contacts me, I say ok to a lunch date.

He shows up at work, and the first thing he wants to know is, of course, “What made you like black men?” And then he promptly scoffs when I tell him I’m not about color. Now he has ZERO reason to think otherwise, and he finally drops the subject, and we talk about other things while I chow down on lunch before returning to work.

Afterwards, he says he wants to see me again, and suggests I come on over to his place that night for dinner. Excellent. So I get changed and wash the stink of work off me, and head that way.

He doesn’t even let me park the car – he comes out and hops in and – no lie – says “So, where ya takin me? I ain’t got no money.”

…Really.

So, since I wanted coffee anyway, I head to the coffee shop. I mean, I was listening to that warning bell, but figured coffee wouldn’t hurt. I bought him a pepsi, while he went off to the back of the store and bought himself a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Oh, and aspirin, because he has a pacemaker and just being in the car with me was making his heart beat too fast…

When we get back to the car, he starts in…

“If you gonna spend money on something, why not get us a hotel room. Then we can spend all night together and really get to know each other. I mean, I can pay ya back if you want..”

….REALLY.

Now we know why he wanted the toothpaste/toothbrush. Smirk. Needless to say, THAT wasn’t gonna happen. Especially when I stopped at 7-11 because i had to pee, and motherfucker spends the last cash in his pocket on alcohol shooters, and proceeds to drink them all, and tell me that I’d be safe in the hotel because “Willy don’t work till mornin after a couple of these..”

THEN he kisses me. And shoves a piece of candy in my mouth – without letting me back away fast enough. Tells me his uncle says that’s how ya know a girl likes ya, if she’ll take the candy. I pointed out I didn’t have a choice, spit it out, and drove his ass home. While he’s telling me all about his ‘niggas’ – which is something that drives me insane.

I get him home, and he sits there, and tells me that I’m obviously ashamed of dating a black man because I didn’t take him to meet my family.

O_o.

I pointed out he didn’t take me to meet his mama either, and he points to the house – his house – and says “Wanna meet my crazy ass mama? I live with her.”

O_o!

And he starts preachin at me, tells me his take on Adam and Eve (….Eve was beguiled by Satan, which means she had sex with the “snake’ and that’s why cain was a murderer – because he was satan’s child…) AND calls me a liar when I say something as I’m looking up at the stars, which were outside my car window, on my left… (“You’re lying! You looked up and to the left, that means your lying because GOD is on you RIGHT SIDE..” No, motherfucker, the window is on my left side, and you’re on my right, and honey, you ain’t EVER be considered godlike by me…)

Then, as if THAT weren’t enough? The final nail in his coffin… “I saw picture of your son on Facebook – he’s a big boy. Hope he don’t come at me, it’d be a shame to have to cut your baby.”

Oh.
no.
he.
DIDN’T.

Even if in jest, NO ONE THREATENS MY KIDS. EVER.

Kicked his ass out, and the fucker calls me NINE TIMES between 1:30 am and 6am. I put his number on auto reject, and he texts me. I tell him to move the hell on, because it’s never gonna happen, and he tells me he was just excited to have me in his life, and didn’t want to run me off…

1. You never had me, and never will.
2. WRONG MOVE, ASSHOLE.

It’s been two days without a text. Maybe he’s finally gotten the point.

Tags: I only like INTELLIGENT chocolate!