Farmer wants a wife – "As Country as Apple Pie"
So, every once in a while, a new show is so totally insane that it speaks to the love of campy hilarity that my daughters and I enjoy. I know, we’re total dorks, but Farmer Wants a Wife has quickly become one of those shows.
Poor Matt, the Farmer, has everything he wants in his country life – except a wife. As the pickins is slim in his tiny country town, it was just natural to have a bunch of city girls lookin’ for a change to join him on the farm and compete for his affections. They wear high heals. And drive tractors. Hilarity ensues.
We’re down to the final five after last nights show, where the City Girls had their turn at baking a pie with a true Country Gal – that looked oddly like a countrified Tammy Faye Baker, with a smidge less makeup. Just a smidge.
Brooke and Lisa are the bible thumpin hypocrites, who giggle at the start of the show about how they aren’t supposed to gossip, lie, talk about folks or hang out with those that do. On a Reality Show. Gasp! Before we get to Pie making though, they have to sheer some sheep, with plenty of help and the occasional girly squeal, while Kanisha gets down to business without any such whimpy wails. Then it’s a drinking game that turns crass while they play the question game and Ashley drops the f-bomb repeatedly, causing poor Matt to flee the girls’ house to wash his virgin ears out with soap.
The whole dang town gets together for a carnival, and it’s the Mayor and two ladies who will judge the girls’ pie making abilities in front of everyone. Including Brooke, who mistakenly used Nutmeg instead of Cinnamon. Whoops. The girls rightly encourage the judges to take SMALL bites of that one. In the end it’s cutie Amanda is deemed the winner – which means her ‘Iron Chef’ competitions with her friends at home have paid off. She’s sittin pretty and won’t be eliminated tonight and later gets a basket of baking supplies too.
Everyone wanders off and Matt takes his place in the kissing booth, and all the girls spend their tickets to get a little kiss on the lips – except Brooke, who says she was forced to go up there by the girls and only kisses him on the cheek. Will she be eliminated tonight? We’ll find out as – in the shows cheesy fashion that has shown us eggs, crosstitch, and moonshine to reveal the name of the ousted City gal – this time it’s fireworks that puts the poor girls name in lights. Lisa has to say goodbye, and the Three ‘Bad Girls’ are happy about that. Especially Ashley, who gets herself the nights Date.
It’s very awkward, as they talk about her brash use of the f-word at dinner, and crickets chirp as they don’t connect at all. I forsee miss Ashley leaving soon, if she doesn’t win all the challenges. She admits to the girls that it wasn’t all songs and roses when she gets back, moments after the other girls had dropped an egg in a game of ‘toss the egg’ and convinced Christa to lick it off the floor.
I guess there really isn’t much to do on the farm in Missouri, hm?
So we’re down to five – will our Famer find his wife?! As I’ve said since the beginning, I’m betting if he does, it’s Amanda.
Top Chef Finale – pt one!
We’re down to the wire, and after some months off to travel, and open restaurants and hone their craft, and Lisa gets herself a butch haircut that makes her look even bitchier then before, the final four are shipped off to Puerto Rico where they step right into their first quickfire challenge, and I hold my breath in hopes that Lisa will go home. She’s really a cocky wench, and has been in the bottom two so often that if she pulls off a win I’ll fall out of my chair. So to speak.
Anyway – they cook up plaintains into crispy fried snacks that are meant to be enjoyed with a cold beer. Yum. Lisa and Stephanie’s are declared the best, while Richard and Antonia fall short of the mark. Stephanie is declared the winner (her first win), and as such she gets to assign sous chef’s from the most recently eliminated four chefs for the next day’s challenge. First, though, they go to a party where Richard refuses to dance and everyone worries about the following day.
Stephanie decides not to screw up anyone, and plays nice with her assignments. She chooses Dale – she’s known him for 10 years – then pairs Antonia with nikki, Spike with Richard, and Andrew with Lisa. The only one’s unhappy are the latter, but Andrew assures us that he’d never throw someone under the bus and will do his best to help Lisa win. She repays this by being a demanding “gray cloud in the kitchen” throughout the challenge. Can I drop kick her now?
The final challenge involves the chefs butchering a whole pig, and creating three dishes from three cuts of meat for a big party. Dale is heartbroken when he realizes he left a bunch of pork out overnight, and he and Stephanie scramble to come up with a third dish to replace it. They do, and it goes over like gangbusters, as does Richard’s four dishes, all of which mesh his background with local flavor – a good strategy as he comes up with the win AND a brand new car.
Lisa’s comment “You won a f’in car, dude?!”
Lisa is in the bottom two – again, this time with Antonia. And in the end she’s saved by Antonia’s decision to place all of her dishes on the same plate, and her undercooked peas. Sigh. I’m sure other viewers aren’t happy either, but what can we do?
We can just hope that Stephanie pulls off the win – which is ok by me, because I’ve been pulling for her since the beginning. I’d like to see a female champ this time around too, and so cross my fingers for a mistake to bump Richard to second and Lisa to fail so badly the judges question not sending her home tonight. Her demanding congrats from the other two at the end was the last straw. As I have to remind my youngest often – it’s ok NOT to be the center of attention all the time. Honest.
SYTYCD – Auditions get us one step closer!
So you think you can dance brought us the last of the open auditions from Milwaukee last night where the filled the first 30 minutes of the show with recaps of the previous auditions, showing us some that we hadn’t seen before. And Nigel getting all gangsta. I know. Scared me too!
The guest judges were a husband and wife choreography team, Tabitha and Napoleon D’Umo – though why hubby dearest was there, I don’t know. I don’t think he said more then 2 sentences the entire time, letting Tabitha do all the talking for them. Whatever.
There were some good performers and tickets to Vegas and choreography rounds that send more to Vegas, and it was a typical show – until Mom called to ask “DID YOU SEE THAT?” and I had to say “OMG YES WHAT THE HELL?” and we cackled so loud we woke up Papa while we watched Ashley Henry shake her booty like nobodies business. She was, however, infectious with her enthusiasm when she spoke to the judges afterwards, and they rewarded her by sending her to Choreography round, though they all – even Ashley – knew she’d be horrible at it. They did it to give her the full experience, and to hopefully inspire her to take lessons and maybe come back – by the time we said goodbye, she’d already signed up for two ballet classes. Good luck to her! (Though really – Mom and I haven’t laughed THAT HARD at something in a while – FABULOUS!)
We also had inspirational – Yesie got all the way to the 4th round in Vegas last year, and said it changed her life. She’s back, 50 pounds lighter, with more training, but unfortunately with a bum knee. Nigel sends her off to get her knee fixed and tells her he wants her back to audition next year. Her bff watches her stumble and break down, but manages to hold his own emotions intact to audition, and earns himself a ticket to Vegas where he’ll continue for the both of them.
Then we got eye rolling – the preacher man who showed beautiful technique and choreographed his own routine, earning the respect of all 3.5 judges… he couldn’t get his ticket though, because being a man of the cloth, he couldn’t muster any connection with his partner at all. Sigh. Like it’s sinful to dance beautifully and with emotion if your not married. That sound – my eyes rolling. Again.
Last but not least – a surprise audition! Dressed in Drag, Travis Wall performs to It’s Raining Men, and afterwards Nigel jokes that it’s Ryan Seacrest, and Travis harumphs and stalks out to mad applause. *L*
Tonight we hit Vegas callbacks, and by the end of the show, we’ll have your SYTYCD top 20! WHOOO! Let the REAL SHOW BEGIN!
Reality TV… School?
When I saw this, I thought it had to be a joke – but apparently, it’s not. Now, all of those hopefuls who can’t understand why they haven’t been chosen for all those Reality shows they’ve tried out for can now pony up $300 bucks to learn the things necessary at the New York Reality TV School.
While they admit that it’s difficult to make the cut – hard to imagine when there’s 10s of 1000s trying out for 16 slots on a show (…that was sarcasm, for those who aren’t used to my particular brand of snark…) – The NYReality TV School promises to tech techniques to help the individual vastly improve their chances that I’ll make fun of them on some show or another.
Led by Robert Galinsky, who’s the founder and head teacher, he says the mission is:
to train and develop non-actors and actors, through the spectrum of experiences a reality TV contestant/actor will face: from creating and submitting your tape, to the audition, to the many interviews you’ll go through and the actual show.
Nice. A school to show people how to properly make a jackass out of themselves…
NYRTVS trains students to be exciting confident members of Reality TV casts and to have a strong understanding of the specific technical principles and professional aspects of acting and how it translates to being cast on a reality TV show. Students will work rigorously through coaching sessions and on camera exercises in order to readily showcase the dynamic qualities of their personalities and to be able to shine, showcase and supercede the expectations of cast mates, producers and audiences. To this end NYRTVS provides a uniquely designed curriculum and a super knowledgeable and experienced staff for it’s students.
The New York Reality TV School is the only organization of its kind and is pioneering the development of reality TV training in order for professionals and beginners to take their place as exciting, confident and vibrant real people/entertainers on any reality TV show.
Some of the workshops include “Improvisation andReality TV Conflict”, “On Set Training and the Audition Tape”, as well as Tape Viewing and Guest Lecture Q and A’s.
I think they’re missing some – how about “How to make an ass out of yourself by getting drunk off of 2 beers.” or maybe “Making offensive comments then acting surprised at the controversy” or even “How to be secretly evil while remaining outwardly clueless.” Oh I know! “How to act like an A-List Star while remaining a Z-List celeb!” One thing is for sure – someone needs to tell the website designers that RED and BLUE on BLACK is hard to read. Ouch.
Whiney Matt gets the boot at LAST.
Has anyone on any show whined as much as Hell’s Kitchen’s Matt? Seriously, that guy had more excuses then my teenagers, and that’s quite a feat, let me tell ya! After his seasoning the appetizers with his own sweat, making people send it back because it was salty last week, (and also, OMG EW!) I was disappointed to see him survive another week so that he could blame everything on everyone else again this week.
The chefs were taken to the roof of The London West Hollywood, which will be where the winning chef becomes executive chef at the end of the season. The teams merge, and it’s a chance for them all to individually shine – if they can quit whining long enough. In the first individual challenge – Matt does a passing job on the veal, but it comes down to Jen, who wins a trip to Vegas for the night much to everyone’s dismay. She takes Corey with her and they have dinner with last years winner, Rock Harper, while the rest of them have to unload the trucks for delivery day punishment.
Cue Matt’s whining. O. M. G. I wanted to slap him through the screen. Sure, Christina went a little militant on the leading, but it’s not like he was unloading all te trucks himself. Bobby starts to worry that Matt’s gone all Full Metal Jacket while I wonder how he was even chosen for the show as he CLEARLY can’t handle the stress of….unloading delivery trucks. Snerk.
Dinner service has Ramsey telling them what stations they’ll be working and encouraging them to work as a team – then putting Matt and Christina together on the meat station. He can’t remember a damn thing – not even when Ramsey tells him what he needs four times in a row. Four times in a row, Matt gets it wrong. Then he blames a sudden Migraine that he’s supposedly just gotten, as well as the meat itself for daring to confuse him. Corey burns her hand, and has to be yelled at to go see the medic, but comes back in and steps in to help get things on track, Christina gets caught cooking two different meats in the same pan, and Matt has a meltdown when Ramsey yells at him for overcooked meat, causing him to act like a 3 year old once again. He offers 80gazillion excuses for why he’s screwing up, claims a migraine again and Ramsey drags him out by the hand and tells him to go lay down.
Then he tosses Jen after she burns a pan of rice she put on someone elses station, then he kicks them all out and declares them useless and for the love of all things holy Shut. It. Down! The team is told to come to a consensus and put up two for elimination and tells them to piss off. Matt stays behind and whines like a little bitch to Ramsey about how he knows he did wrong, and if he should give up because of a migraine, so be it. Ramsey tells him to man up and fight for heaven’s sake, and Matt takes that as a sign that Ramsey loves him and would never kick him off the show.
….
He then proceeds to tell the other chefs to go ahead and put him up because he won’t go because he’s better then all of them.
….
Delusional much? Bobby pegs it by saying Matt “deserves to be kicked off the universe.”
Elimination time, Corey says she thinks she deserves to be up there too, and he adds her to the mix, but thankfully FINALLY kicks off Crazy Matt. (I swear, I’ve never met a Matt who wasn’t delusional. Sane Matts – are you out there?!) In an interview with Buddy TV, he says he was just being funny, and that those who know him understand that. Umhm. He’s now the executive chef in South Jersey, Pizzicato.
I’m afraid none of these guys are good enough to be executive chef for Ramsey – though of them all, perhaps Bobby and Jen (much as she annoys me with her arrogance) have the most solid chance. What do you think? Is this the worst final 5 yet?
