Happy Procratination Day!

That’s right, I just got back from the grocery store. On the day before Thanksgiving. Where EVERY PERSON IN MY TOWN was racing through the aisles, causing the poor working folk to be all “CLEAN UP ON THE BAKERY AISLE! There’s a 15 cart pile up – be careful in there!” and also “OHMYGAWD WE MIGHT BE OUTA COOL COOL WHIP! WHAT WE GUN DO Oh whew, there’s 15 more cases, just set them down and BACK AWAY! RUN DUDE RUN! She’s gotta CAN OF EVAPORATED MILK AND AIN’T AFRAID TO USE IT!”

And I’m only exagerating a teeny tiny bit. I won’t EVEN go into the chaos around the last two table of rolls. (I GOT MINE! HAHAHAHA SUCKAS!!!)

Add to that, I had the pup with me. And right now on TV, they’re showing that annoying commercial 18gazzilion times, where folks are singing to the tune of “Santa clause is coming to town” and it’s a PSA against drunk driving (Found the audio!). As a result, she sings it. Over. and Over. and Over. again. Then, when we got home, she had the bag’o’oranges on her head, and was singing it, and HOW COULD I RESIST sharing that with you? I couldn’t, so here she is, as a reminder for all ya’ll to be careful out there tomorrow and through the rest of the Holidays…

Happy Turkey Day!

My LOL cat.

What? You expected real posts AGAIN today? What do you WANT from me? I’m eternally boring now that I’m at home again. The kids have been sorta behaving, though there was an interesting conversation with The Girl and her BFF who’s mom apparently is still of the old school belief that you can’t use tampons until you have sex. Mmmmmkay. That of course evolved (or dissolved) into a Diva Cup discussion, and other possibilities and the joys of being poked and prodded at the GirlybitDoctor.  (TMI? Really? Cuz I can do worse, much worse…) The boy, of course, studiously ignored that conversation. Ha!

I could tell you that my son was fantastic and actually fixed my leaky sink pipe for me – complete with plumbers butt. No, I didn’t take a picture. Yes, you’re welcome.

Or, I could just leave this, my cat channeling my inner thoughts….

See ya tomorrow! *L* (Can she possibly get more boring? CAN SHE? Tune in and see!)

Nag, nag, nag…

So, you like, go through half a month of posting every day, and folks, it seems, start to EXPECT it to be here when they come around! And when ya ain’t written nothin yet, they all email you and start chompin at the bit and demanding that I entertain him, I mean them.

But man. I got NUTHIN.

Well. I could tell ya that TBF and I spent yesterday contemplating the values of cutting someone’s hair with a blow torch, in true Horror Film Esque fashion, and there may have been something about stomping puppies and taking battle axes to watermelons too, all in an effort to ease foul moods. Hahaha. Yes, crossing us in bad moods is not a good idea – specially if there’s blow torches or battle axes or puppies around.

(Oh stopit. we wouldn’t REALLY do that. most days.)

Instead of doing those, though, I ended up snapping at the kids, because OHMAHGAWD how HARD is it to stretch your arm TWO INCHES to the left and throw garbage away instead of leaving it on the counter?! And coming out and saying “I did this, now someone ELSE do this” is only allowed if your the MOTHER and IN CHARGE – when you are a TEENAGER, it’s not gonna be taken nicely, and what happens next is the Mother slamming shit into the sink, AND making a point of getting what she’d asked you to do that you’ve been putzing around at doing for 2 hours done in five minutes and THEN she’ll even yell a bit to make SURE her point is getting across.

Thank god I wasn’t PMSing, on top of it all huh?

(hide the blowtorches! And, you know, Auntie Ladybug’s hair. hahahah)

Ahem. Lessa was a bit irritated last nigh, see? So we totally shouldn’t talk about that, you know? Hahaha.

So that leaves… um. Well. This post. But look at it this way – by Thursday night, Friday and Saturday – I’ll have things to talk about! There will be family, food, and Christmas Comes To Kenai Celebrations, and Birthday Parties, and stuff! So, like. Totally stick around, huh?

Now, I gotta go make my Sims STOP WOOHOOING already! GOSH!

Sims and Snow.

So, in retaliation for my making her watch reality tv (and her LIKING it! HAHAHA!), Jamie insisted that I Must! Have! Sims! 2! and in a fit of boredom one day, I ordered it and installed it on Scooter. Then, of course, I had to order another copy that would work on Lola (don’t have a dvd player on her, only on scooter)  for the kids because OH MAH GAWD the bitching.. and I may let them use Lola now, but SCOOTER IS MINE – HANDS OFF YA MANGY BRATS! Ahem. So anyway, it came in yesterday, and oh lordy. I thought it was amusing to play and yell at the SIMS for being stupid, but that’s not HALF as fun as listening as my kids play, and yell at their sims, and each other. Some choice bits heard last night between The Girl and her BFF, and/or The Boy:

We love the lesbos! (Mom: yes, they’re politically incorrect. They’re THIRTEEN. *L*) This one is like me. And this one like me. And they had BABIES.

Hey – WHY won’t they WooHoo?!

Aww all my wants n fears are bout you baybee!

WE WANNA WOOHOO!

My gawd, will you PICK UP THE BABY? Why you leave her outside?!

Hey mom, can I say my chicks name? (this one via The Boy. The name? HollyWood Fucksalot. My kids KEEL me.)(and now Nana might keel mah kid. haha.) (also via the boy: Thats a mighty short skirt. CLEARLY she digs girls. (me – that connection makes sense only in your dreams, boyo… only in your dreams…)

You’re HUNGRY. Why won’t you EAT?

Get a JOB already. I’m staying home with the kids! Why – you win a coin toss? NO! Fine! Let’s Rock Paper Sizzors! Dang! 2 outa 3! DANG! 3 outa 5! FINE I BE THE WORKING MUM! GOSH!

They’re still not EATING! Oh. We forgot to buy them a fridge full of food…. whoops.

FINE! We will start a NEW family!

WHY THEY NOT WOOHo….heeeeeeeeeey waitaminute. FIREWORKS! WHOOHOOO! LULLABYE! WE CAN HAZ BABY!

That only scratches the surface of course, as they each took 2 hour turns to play, while I shook my head and snickered at them behind their back. While I was playing on Scooter. And talking them through some of the finer points of the game, etc. You know, like how to hit the motherlode and buy or build the house of your dreams. Hah.

So yeah. Sims 2. Kill me. (3 woohoos = 3 babies? you gotta be KIDDING me! STOP THE WOOHOOING! you got COMPANY! Kids! Take note! WOOHOO= BABY! NO REAL LIFE WOOHOOING EVER!) (that one? via Me. On the phone to Jamie. Who I then threatened undying hatred. And reminded her Amazing Race is on tonight and finish your BB9 app too, woman. GOSH. IDIOTS.) (shaddup.)

So. Anyway. Then? I went to sleep. And THIS happened.

 

WTF? It’s like suddenly we remembered it’s winter. in Alaska. SHEESH.