The HELL?
My son just called – he’s been at a friends for 2 nights already, and just asked to spend ANOTHER NIGHT.
My son.
My 14.5 year old son.
Is spending New Years Eve at the house with his best friend – who happens to be the brother of TGHLSB ! I smell a NYE kiss story coming. I’ll keep ya posted…
(While I die a little because OMG!)
And we won’t even go into the fact that he officially has NYE plans and I, his mother, do not. Where the hell did I put my bottle of wine…. *mutters*
Amused.
So, there’s a lot of shows that I love and watch obsessively, but there are others that have passed under the radar, that I’ve missed for whatever reason. Hurray for blockbusters Tv to DVD section, huh?
In these two weeks while there’s been nothing on TV (No Heroes! No Lost! not even dancing with stars! or Survivors! gah!) we decided to go on a marathon of our own. We started with Season 1 of Charmed. (oh shut up. *L* I have daughters. And teenagers.) I’d watched the odd episode here and there, and knew it was mindless fun, so figured the kids would like it.
Like it? Omg. They ate through it in huge bite sized chunks in 3 days. Then when I went back for season 2, someone else had them checked out, so I did the unthinkable, and brought home season one of Smallville. (That sound you just heard was my dad muttering obscenities. He’s a purist. Heh.) We’re mostly through that too.
The chants of “more! More! more!” have reverberated around the house. It’s also gotten my living room clean (Want more? better clean up your mess!) and the girls rooms mostly clean (its a work in progress – progress helped by “Charmed season 2? Sure. When i see floor.).
You know – I could get used to this.
And added benefit – I’m loving the series – both of them. *L* Yeah, I’m still a big teenager at heart. What, you’re surprised? 
The most amusing part of this, of course? I have never been a fan of Lex until now. *L* Even knowing what he’s going to become, well. That bald head is tres sexay, non? hahaha! Although, on the other hand? The whole John Schnieder as dad thing – I just can’t look at him without hearing “YEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!” and seeing him slide across the General Lee in my mind… heh.
Traditional NYE wrapup
So people all over the net today are doing the traditional yearly wrapup – what they did, didn’t do, what they wanted, got, didn’t want, got anyway, so on and so forth. I’d thought about trying to do that too, but it just wasn’t working.
I still feel like I’m floating through space, that time has no meaning, that there’s no difference between one day and the next. The darkness of last year still clings to my senses, to the edges of my thoughts. It’s almost comforting, in a frightening kind of way. Every day is the same – no sleep, too much sleep, no thought, too much thought, nothing different everything different. Contradiction seems to be my middle name.
The kids keep me afloat, but now more then ever I want to shy away from talks of Kevin and want to cover my eyes and ears and thoughts and dive deep into myself where none of it matters or happened – anything at all. I paste a smile on my face, I make the motions, I move through the day with spurts of laughter and brief glimpses of sunlight that are all too soon tinged in darkness again.
My kids are the light of my life – they are the ones keeping my head above water, bringing laughter just when I think I have forgotten how to smile. Even so, i worry so much for them, how they are dealing, how they really feel. They seem so strong, so tough, so connected to his memory – he is their hero. I want to keep that alive, to foster that feeling of connection, even though every moment of memory and laughter is another bladed stab to my heart and soul. I focus so much on helping them, I lose me.
But then again, this floating feeling is comfortable, familiar. I’ve always had it, though never to this degree. Day by day, same same same. Its a slippery slope, I know that, and sometimes I feel my hand holds are smaller then normal, the niche I’ve shoved my feet in are swallowing the precarious grip. But still I cling, and perhaps even gain an inch or two with the aid of a friend or family’s shoulder here, a gentle nudge there, a not so gentle nudge elsewhere.
So what to do? I’ll keep on clinging to that slope, for now, inching my way up and likely sliding back down a time or two. I’ll use the shoulders and hand-ups as they are needed. And I’ll try to achieve something other then floating in the coming year.
(PS – and yes, I’m ok. just a little introspective.)
Silly Kitty Saturday v.10
Shhhhh. We’re preparing for New Years Eve, so that we can stay up all night.
Pet Names
(I’m not your honey, darling, sweetheart, dear, ducky, or any other diminutive creature | BlogHer)
…And not names for the small furry set that are currently working on their 22.5 hours of sleep needed per day.
So, anyway, yeah. I was wandering around blogher again, and came upon the above post about being called pet names by servers and strangers and other random folk. At first I was all “bah, that’s a silly thing to be all peeved over!” but then I remembered that at times I get pissed about it too.
Probably contrary to most of the commenters over there, I don’t get upset with the random “Ma’am” – though I’m prone to making jokes about how old that makes me feel. I’m not pissy with other random things, and have been known to drop a “darlin” or similar on the occasional stranger myself.
When it *does* piss me off, however, are on people who aren’t strangers, yet think they know me well – but seem to miss the fact that I. hate. them/find them creepy/think they’re asshats/have repeatedly told them to shove their condescending assholery back where it belongs.
This happens a lot online. In person, I’m far more likely to shrug such things off as slips of the tongue, not intentional slights or cut-downs. But to people who actually try to call me “hun” after my repeated comments that I am in no way shape or form going to accept that from them, and why – those people piss me off and tend to get an ear(eye)full. And then? They continue to use it. THOSE people piss me off.
But random strangers – no big. Do we really believe that people we don’t know really care enough about us to either use such terms of endearment to piss us off, or really consider us their dears, huns, sweeties, darlings? Are we so wrapped up in our own worth that we really think they have considered us at all before using such words? Perhaps if we weren’t so stupidly offended over every. little. thing. this’d be a much more polite society.
Course, if those dickheads who KNOW why I’ve asked them to quit with the smarmy suck-ups would stop, I might be a touch more polite with them too. Heh. it’s one thing to have it be unintentional and habit by strangers, and quite another when it’s deliberate and diminutive by people you know. It’s an important distinction to make, I think.
