Hey boy! STOP THAT!
You know, I’m working really really REALLY HARD to not realize that he’s graduating in May, that he turns 18 in March, that he’s Practically A Grown Up and my parental control will not be near as controlling as I’d like it to be for my little boy forever and ever amen. I’m TRYING to put blinders on – but OH NO. He has to go and do things like… oh, brandish his new Class Ring all over the place.
Harumph.
It came in the mail last week, and the boy couldn’t be more pleased! Even so, I love how the photo of his hand describes so many things about my son. For example:
1. His hands are HUGE. They swallow mine, and I have big hands for a girl!
2. His hand is DIRTY. Dude. Could you BE more of a boy? Wash your hands!
3. He’s cracked his knuckle there on something, and in typical boy fashion, keeps picking at it. Srsly Boy? Gross. And also? WASH YOUR HANDS.
4. Look at all the nicks and scars – this boy is CLUMSY. Usually with sharp and pointy things.
5. Those hands are not just large, but strong, just as strong as the heart and mind of my PRESHUSH BEBE BOY. They are hands that he uses to help up a friend in need, hands he uses to help make something work that was broken, hands he uses to defend his friends, hands he uses to protect his sisters, hands he uses to console his poor mama who’s not handling this growing up thing very well.
Sigh. This growing up stuff sucks.
At home drug tests…
On the previous posts, we talked a little about huffing. While that’s not detectable via any drug test, if you’re worried about other types of drug use, there is an at home testing system that you can use.
This of course, brings up the issues of teenagers and privacy again – but there is another side to it. If you’re child is feeling pressured to try things he’s not ready for, or shouldn’t do ever anyway, sometimes even if they HATE it, being able to say “No way, my mom TESTS me for that crap” is an easier way to say no. And I’m all for giving our kids every possible advantage.
If you’re interested in more details, check it out here!
Teenagers and privacy.
You’ll notice that on here, I rarely use my kids real names, though I do use actual pictures now and again. At most an initial, a nickname, something that makes it a little more difficult to trace. I do this out of respect for my teenagers – and their privacy.
But that’s a tenuous thing – teenage privacy. Lindsay, over at Suburban Turmoil at the Nashville Scene broached the subject a couple days ago. When her girls mention a new member of their group, she dives into facebook profiles and makes sure they’re the type of kid her girls should hang out with. She even uses Google Earth, to find their home when there’s parties.
I’m sure Lindsay isn’t alone in this – many parents take advantage of their friends facebook and social networking skills to keep an eye on their kids. Lindsay limits her stalking to what’s publicly available on the ‘Net for the most part, as they are her step-daughters, but admits that with her own kids, all bets are off if she suspects something is wrong. I’m going to ignore the difference there – as I’d treat them all the same, myself, but that’s how it works for her family, so that’s good for them. However – how deep should a parent go when it comes to their teenagers privacy?
I know most teens want parents to butt out – and I know most parents won’t. And I don’t think they should. As I told my kids, all along – no matter where you are, imagine me RIGHT BEHIND YOU, watching. I have spies EVERYWHERE, and I WILL find out. They only pushed against it a couple times, then discovered that indeed, mom DID have friends everywhere, and even something so simple as walking across the highway to a different store was noted and reported back to mom. Can’t get away with NUTHIN in this small town, GOSH.
If you’ve taught your teens to be aware that you WILL be randomly checking in on them – chances are they won’t misbehave. Too much. Sure they’ll push, it’s what they DO. It’s our job to find a happy medium.
Would I search my kids rooms randomly for no reason? No. If I suspected there was something really wrong? Absolutely. Once, I was talking to my son in his room, and was leaning against the fridge, and randomly popped it open. His jaw DROPPED because he knew what I’d find in there – and INSTANTLY confessed that it was there, it wasn’t his, it was unopened, he was just holding it for someone. He was telling the truth – about it being unopened, at least, which lead me to believe the rest. I didn’t demand that he nark o his friend, whichever one it was that had put the bottle in there. I simply demanded it be removed, and it not happen again, and why. The bottle disappeared, the situation has never happened re-occurred, and they know I’m prone to randomly opening their fridge. Or cupboard. Or lifting a stack of books I happen to be standing next to at the time while we talk. I fidget – and I use it to my advantage.
I think the bottom line is this: if you suspect something is actively WRONG, then do some snooping. Otherwise, find a comfortable medium for you and your teens. Which means – and you know exactly what I’m going to say here, right? Here we go, let’s say it together, ok? 1. 2. 3.
TALK TO YOUR KIDS.
Sometimes, it’s really that simple.
[There are a wealth of things available to help keep track of your teens – we’ll get to them tomorrow…]
DARE time, and huffing.
It’s D.A.R.E time for our fifth graders, and the Pup is taking part. Of course, it’s mandatory, so she HAS to take a part, but I’m ok with that.
There are ups and downs to the program, of course, depending on your child.
Upside to all kids: education on drugs and the harm they cause.
Downside to many kids: Sudden superiority and ‘I know everything and will TELL you things that are bad for you ALL THE TIME’ syndrome that ends up with Mama/Auntie strangling 5th graders.
(No, I wouldn’t ACTUALLY strangle them! I’d have to put down my bong.)
(..totally kidding. They’re little still, I only need one hand.)
(..really, I’m kidding. It’s ok.)
DARE education covers all the basics, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. But there’s one thing they don’t cover in much depth – and since DARE can be used as a springboard for you to (here it comes) TALK TO YOUR KIDS, be sure to bring it up: huffing.
Check out the Today Show’s investigative report on Huffing that aired yesterday:
It’s a growing problem with our tweens – completely legal, and also, deadly. We’ve always been open about drug talks here in the house – what we’ve done, what we haven’t, what we want for our kids, everything – and we talked about huffing too. It’s a growing trend – so please, TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Remember that YOU are their biggest champion, their biggest hero, even when they’re screaming they hate you, and slamming doors.
Talk to them.
Today.
Raising Boys: Sticks and Snails and Puppydog Tails…
When we had The Boy, I was momentarily terrified. I mean, I had a sister, no brothers, my mother was a sister, no brothers, my dad raised daughters, and well, who knew how to raise a BOY? And more importantly, how do we raise a BOY who is sensitive enough that all the girls (and their mama’s and papa’s) will be pleased to know him, but who can also kick as when he needed too? I mean, I WAS a girl. Girls I understand. (and, sorta, ya know, fear. haha.) But a BOY?
Fortunately, as my kids are fond of saying, I have the mind of a 16 year old boy, and I think we’ve managed to do pretty well in the past almost 18 years. The boy is strong, sensitive, knows when to fight, when to back down, and most importantly, treats the girls he knows (aside from his sisters, of course) with the utmost respect. They turn to him as the best friend, the one with the strong shoulders, the one they can talk too, who will respect them and not ask for anything in return.
This of course means he doesn’t have a girlfriend – but as I keep telling him, girls marry their best friends, not the asshole badboys. So hang in there, your time is coming…
So how did it come about? There were a few times of disagreement with my husband, but the one thing he ALWAYS insisted on was that The boy never hit a girl. Ever. He and I even fought over that a bit, because I was of the mind that if a girl hauled off and punched him in the face, she kinda deserved what she dished out. Heh. We compromised by teaching the Boy that to hold her so she CANT hit him again is ok. Then it never ever came up, so we didn’t have to worry – because he IS so sweet to his feminine counterparts.
My dad always said that in raising boys, you only had to worry about “one prick in town” but to raise girls was to worry of “every prick in town!” and I’m pleased as all get out to know that the boy is someone parents are pleased to know, that parents trust with their daughters, because he cares for them and takes care of them too. The boy even hugs his mama in public and still tells me that he loves me every single day – even in front of his friends.
So what advice to I have for the raising of boys?
Let them explore. They’re going to do stupid shit – things we think are dangerous, but that’s how boys learn not to do that again (or to do it differently). Remind them that no matter WHAT they do, you’ll be there to pick them up, so that when someone else does something stupid, they’ll be there to do the same. Teach them to respect women, teach him to defend them, and to defend himself. Teach your sons to listen, to think before they act, that it’s not a bad thing to have feelings, and to question why. Sounds lofty, huh? How do you do that?
Lead by example.
It’s really that simple.
Now go hug your boy, and ask him how his day was, huh?
