Paraskevidekatriaphobia!
Happy Friday the 13th, ya’ll! AS for that very large word up there in the title that I cannot pronounce, it’s a mouthful that means “Fear of Friday the 13th”. Ha!
My best memories of Friday The 13th – is watching part 1, 2, and 3 on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night with my Uncle, then the following Saturday? Going to camp for 6 weeks. On a lake. Yeah, THERE was a smart idea, Lessa! It did foster my love for horror movies though, something that I’ve passed on to my own children.
Anyway – that’s not what I’m reminding you about today! Today happens to be World Kindness Day too – and we still have a random giveaway to sign up for! Go to THIS POST RIGHT HERE and leave a comment and become eligible for the prize! You can comment right on up till midnight tonight, my time (Alaska time) and I’ll draw for the winner tomorrow. Currently, there’s four entries- the odds are good!
So sign up today, and also – be kind to someone too, will you? Need some ideas? Here ya go:
Happy Friday!
Dear PTB: My lil sweetheart is MEAN to me! What do I do?
It’s time for another snark filled edition of Ask Parenting Teens Blog! Remember, you two can get your questions answered if you just click here! And while you’re clicking, don’t forget to hit the sweepstakes over there –> as well as sign up for this weeks PTB Week of Kindness give away right HERE. Whew! Now, on to the question!
Dear PTB:
My daughter is 15, and she’s just MEAN. Not to anyone else, though, just to ME. She has friends, she is nice to her siblings – both older, both boys – but she just smarts off to me time and time again! Like the other day, she wanted a pen, and I gave her one, but it was the wrong color and she wanted me to buy her a different one and I told her I had things to do and she said “like what, just STAND there?” and that was really hurtful! She never talks to anyone else this way! I take away her texting every time she says something rude but she won’t stop! All her friends think I’m a good mom, but not her! She gets good grades and is generally a good kid, she just hates me! What do I do?!
~Mama Hurts
Dear Mama,
Welcome to the world of Female Teenage Hell. Really, you can’t possibly be surprised, right? You are? Ok. Here we go.
You probably expected that your daughter would be easy, just as your sons were, right? It’s not gonna happen. A teenage girl is an entirely different animal. In fact, sometimes, we aren’t sure they’re even really human – they’re too screechy moody yellingly bullheaded and stubborn. They slam doors, stomp around, smart off, and nothing is good enough for them. They hate you, they know you hate them, and WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD LEMME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE. (slam). Right? Right.
Now, I’m not saying its ok for her to be mean to you, but I do want you to stop and think this through a bit. To a teenage girl, EVERYTHING is high drama. The wrong color pen, a missing button, a speck of dust on a window she didn’t even clean herself. Hormones are crazy, her body and mind are struggling to adjust, and she’s searching for something she can control. She’s hoping it’ll be Mom. She’s learning it’s not that easy.
So while she’s learning to control her own reactions and actions, you need to teach her by example – and control your own. You take her texting away every time she says something you think is mean? Well, of COURSE she thinks you’re mean then! It’s her main form of breath – I mean, communication! And if yo do it every time, no matter the severity of the comment, etc, then it’s not really a matter of the punishment fitting the crime. Time to think of some other creative ways to get through to her – this one isn’t working.
When my kids were young (two of them girls) I knew the day would come when they’d say the phrase every parent swears they’ll never hear, but 99% of us do. The dreaded “I HATE YOU!” which is often followed by “You’re the worst mom EVER!” and the slam of a door. So, I decided ahead of time how I was going to handle it. Every time one of my kids said they hated me, I very calmly told them exactly this:
“That’s OK, I love you enough for the both of us.”
You see, even if they yell that they hate us, act like they do, push our buttons – they don’t really. There’s something going on that is bothering them, or they’re just trying to see how much they can push you, and where you draw the line. Another thing I’ve taught my kids is that the ONLY reactions they can control, is their own – and in remaining calm and simply saying the above in the face of their “hatred”, I prove that to them as well. I can’t control their feelings, and I don’t want too, either. I can, however, control how I react to them.
We’re a bunch of snarky folks around my house – if my daughter snarked “just stand there?” I’d say something along the line of “Why yes, I am quite fond of this spot. I think I’ll just STAND here all DAY. It’s my FAVORITE spot in the WHOLE HOUSE.” Just to see what she’d say. She’d probably flounce away and slam a door. Then I’d laugh. Because I am mean, heartless and cruel.
(And if she KEPT slamming the door, I’d remove it from the hinges. But that’s a different story.)
So bottom line is this: She doesn’t really hate you. She’s trying to push your buttons. She may even be upset because all her friends sing your praises, and she just doesn’t see you the same way because your HER mom and not THEIR mom. So it’s really very simple – don’t let her get to you. Remain calm, don’t take it personally, and remind her that you love her anyway. Try talking to her, without raising voices, without anyone else around to know you’re (GASP) talking, and see if there’s something else bothering her, too.
Remember, once upon a time, you were 15, and you hated your parents too.
You even said that her grades are good, she respectful to others, she has good friends, and is generally a very sweet and good girl. So talk to her, temper your own reactions, and see where that gets you. You might be surprised.
Um – ok then.
So, I had this AWESOME post planned today? and well. This happened:
And I had to find socks.
Sigh. Can I hibernate for the winter?!
While I contemplate the possibilities of that vs. actually putting socks ON and maybe even retiring the sandals for the winter – make sure you go HERE and sign up for the giveaway!
World's Strictest Parents!
Anyone who’s read any of my numerous blogs knows that I have a possibly unhealthy love for reality TV. It tickles my fancy, it reminds me that people are NUTS, and that my life? is not so bad. In fact, my life? is pretty darn good, and my kids are better than yours, and while we’re not perfect, we’re not airing our dirty laundry on the television!
(Just on the internets. SHHHH. That’s TOTALLY different!)
Anyway, I was flipping through channels last night, and while I tend to avoid the UBER trashy MTV and VH1 versions of reality TV as there are some levels even I won’t stoop too, I came across a series on CMT. (Anyone else remember when the music channels played, ya know, music? No? Just me? OK then.) It was called World’s Strictest Parents and I was instantly hooked. Thank goodness it was a 4 episode marathon!
The premise is simple – take two “bad” kids, and put them up with an uber strict family for a week, make them earn their keep, suffer the horrors of discipline and structure, and then send them home again after chatting with their parents. It’s like a cross between SuperNanny and Wife Swap and Boot Camp for Unruly Teenagers. In a word, it’s AWESOME.
These aren’t *bad* teens by any means. They’re rebellious and foul mouthed and they are pushing boundaries and getting a little out of control. What’s amazing though is seeing the turnaround when they discover that a perfect stranger cares enough about them to instill discipline and a sense of hard work and accomplishment. One family stripped the teens’ bedrooms to the bare essentials, and made them earn not only the bed, dresser, television – but also their clothing. They got one of their own outfits, and one bought for them, and had to earn the rest. While the teens understandably complained and LOUDLY over this practice, by the end of the week when they’d earned everything back again, you could SEE how much it meant to them as they realized they’d taken so many things for granted.
Now sure, I’d LOVE to see them do a “checking in with the teens 6 months later” show and see how much of it stuck. And it’s Reality TV which isn’t ALWAYS reality. But it does show something I keep preaching around here until I’m blue in the face. Ready? Say it with me!
TALK TO YOUR KIDS.
DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS.
THEY WILL LOVE YOU MORE FOR IT.
So what’re you waiting for? Go say hi to your kid, already!
~~~~~~~~~~
Psst: Don’t forget to CLICK HERE, and enter this week’s giveaway!
Keeping Promises and RAK! [GIVEAWAY!]
In August, Peppermist turned 15. Her birthday was on a week when we had zero cash flow, and she – being the most awesome of awesomeness – accepted that I had a gift in mind, but it would need to wait a bit. I promised I’d surprise her with it soon…ish. That’s not to say we didn’t have us a family party with friends and family and cake and gifts – because we totally did! But she knew there was something coming for her still, and I kept reminding myself to get something awesome.
Problem was – I’d picked something already, and then lost the bookmark, and couldn’t remember what/where it was exactly, and OMG I’m the WORST MOTHER in the WORLD, right? RIGHT. I needed something to remind me, maybe an old fashioned string around the finger would help…
WAIT. THAT WAS IT! I REMEMBERED!
I don’t remember where I first saw the String Ring, exactly, but I remember loving the idea, and wanting to get one for Peppermist for her birthday. The String Ring takes memory one step farther – as it’s built around Remembering to be Kind. It’s a “cue to remind yourself, and those who notice it, to be kind to one another. To do a kind act, or even think something kind.” It comes with colored string, which signify different things from culture to culture – and they even have a handy list of what each color means, for you to chose your favorite one to thread your ring with.
It’s a beautiful ring – and two months later, my daughter is finally wearing one. And she “SQUEE”d when she opened it – so I knew I’d done good! It’s a beautiful ring – and VERY shiny, and we all know Peppermist LOVES the shiny!
This week is Random Act of Kindness week – surrounding World Kindness Day on November 13th. As part of the celebration – I have decided to give one of you lucky readers a gift! That’s right – FREE STUFF! For one lucky reader/commenter on this here blog entry, I’ll purchase and send you a String-Ring of your very own. Keep it, give it to another as a gift, remember to be Kind – it’s up to you!
So, hit up the comment section on THIS ENTRY ONLY, tell me about a Random Act Of Kindness you have done, plan to do, or experienced yourself, and I will enter you into random drawing for a String-Ring of your very own. Entries accepted until 11:59pm, Alaska time, on World Kindness Day, November 13th, I’ll announce the winner on Saturday, November 14th. Please make sure to use a valid email, so that I can contact the winner and get the necessary details for the ordering of your ring.
And today? Try this simple RAK: Say hello to a stranger – and smile.
