What advice would YOU give?
SHINY
Umhm.
Z and S, see, have been together over a year, and I adore the both of them. They fit well together, compliment each other’s strengths, strengthen each other’s weaknesses, and are generally fun to be around at all times. But in all that time – I can count the number of times that I’d seen Z this nervous about a date, AND get dressed up, to boot. S even wore a dress. The girl has LEGS!
I didn’t see them again until the next day, as Z and S had gone home to Z’s house for the night. But when I did, my suspicious were confirmed – a VERY happy bubbly S, fairly GLOWED as she whipped off her glove to show me….
The Ring.
Oh the kid did good – it’s a simple affair, and real. He spent a pretty penny on it, without going overboard, and she was clearly happy with the choice. Conveniently they had recently discussed ring sizes for their Senior Class Rings, so he even got the right size – and this was the result of that secretive trip to Sister City. I ooooh’d and aaaah’d and congratulated them both, got all the details (He did go down on one knee, he did as her father for permission first, he was a nervous wreck and she was thoroughly distracted by the SHINY SHINY RING and couldn’t answer for a bit) and teased them some too. I’d always kinda hoped she’d come to her senses and decide The Boy was right for her, but well, having her with one of “my” boys is close enough. She really is that much of a joy to have around!
And then I gave my first piece of advice: Don’t. Be. Stupid.
They looked shocked for a minute, until I clarified. This doesn’t mean they can’t graduate, this does not mean college is out of the question, this doesn’t mean they need to get hitched this summer! Take your time, be sure, be rational, and I damn well better be invited to the wedding – that had better not involve any babies in attendance calling me NanaMom either! They blushed and stammered and assured me that’s not the plan at ALL, and that they would continue to be the smart little shits I know and love.
I know they are young, so young, to be making this kind of decision in a world that often waits years longer in this day and age, but they are so happy, that I can’t help but be happy for them too. And I’ll continue with the advice as well – because you KNOW I always have an opinion!
And so do you! So tell me what advice would you give the newly engaged couple?
I'm not sure WHERE she gets it…
I know, I know, we all say our kids are talented, more so than any other kids, because that’s what we do. It’s our JOB as parents to make sure the world knows our kids are so much better than yours, and yours and yours and WAY better than yours over there so don’t even THINK about comparing them to mine!
So, this entry will probably not come as a surprise, at all. Because Peppermist? Is WAY talented and artistic!
Check it out: Auntie had the idea that she wanted to make her kids masks this year – paper machete, using balloon forms, and giving the kids the masks they wanted. Knowing that Peppermist loves all things artistic, she asked for her help. Every day after school last week saw Peppermist and Auntie elbow deep in balloons, paper machete, paper plates, and paints.
While Auntie had the ideas, she gets frustrated and had problem making the forms. Peppermist to the rescue! She figured the forms, made the masks, and helped with the paint.
The end results? A very happy Frog, Pelican, and Jackass -DMan’s in 7th grade, he couldn’t resist the joke. 🙂
In the end, they even managed enough time for one VERY colorful Zebra for Peppermist herself. I’m not crafty in any way – my artistic ability is passable at best, though I love dabbling in photoshop, photography, and even drawing by hand on occasion. So in looking at these masks? Color me impressed – BIG time!
What artistic things does YOUR teenager do? When’s the last time you took a look, and told them they were amazing? G’on. Don’t be shy. They might roll their eyes at you, but secretly, they’ll be pleased.
Happy November!
….how the heck is it November already?! GAH. I know I say that every year, but SERIOUSLY, time, what with the fast forward?
It’s been a busy weekend around here, what with parent teacher conferences, two days off school, AND Halloween, too. With all of that comes November, and two of my favorite events of the year: NaNoWriMo, and NaBloPoMo!
I’ve done National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) before – successfully – but not for a couple years. This year I decided to dip my toes into the writing arena again. If you, or your teen, enjoy writing, I highly recommend this effort! While it seems a daunting task, and celebrates quantity vs quality for this roughest of rough drafts, it’s a great exercise in just breaking through the wall and getting words down on paper (or screen) so that you’ve someplace to start. The Nano-ers are a great bunch of people, encouraging and fun as we go mad doing our best to write 1667 words a day, and finish November with a novel ready for editing! If you or your teen are participating, let me know!
National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) is the blogger’s answer to NaNoWriMo started back in 2006. Bloggers get together and resolve to post once a day every day for the month of November. Remember, if you do anything every day for 21 days, it officially becomes a habit! So this month, here at ParentingTeensBlog, I’m going to do my darndest to post every single day, and be successful at NaBloPoMo – while simultaneously writing a bunch of words that might someday grow up to be an actual novel at NaNoWriMo.
I’m well aware I’m insane. So who wants to join with me and do it too? Come on, it’ll be FUN! Around here, just this week, I’ve Halloween Tales, Diamond Rings, and Stalkers that turn out to be Childhood BFFs!
Here’s to an AWESOME November!
Sometimes, it gets a little LOUD IN HERE.
In my family, when the women get together, the men often joked (lamented, complained, laughed) that if they wanted to be heard they had to speak fast and LOUD in order to get a word in edgewise. It wasn’t entirely untrue – my sister, mom and I can certainly talk quite fast, and quite loud while we laugh and joke and tease and scold and roll eyes and all manner of other expressions.
We’re loud.
I’m loud.
We’re very Irish, we wear our emotions on our sleeves, across our faces, in our voices, in our actions – and not just the happy ones either.
Over the past week or so, the internets have been all a-twitter (hahahaha!) about yelling at their kids. It’s not the first time this has been a subject of conversation either – the NYT parenting blog hosted a story of a mom who yelled at her kids and threw some crayons back in January. This mother worries that she has scarred her kids by scaring them, and that it’s irreparable, though she apologized to them later and turned it into a “learning experience”.
So – she yelled, threw something on the floor, walked away and she think she’s a bad parent. Excuse me for a moment.
[hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!]
Naturally, there are pages and pages of comments ranging from the fact that it’s borderline abusive, to how it’s ok not to be a perfect parent. Stories of yelling by their parents and ‘continuing the cycle’ as well as more frightening tales (to me) of a father who “ignores the bad behavior.” She’ll eventually grow out of the need to tear all the pages out of my books and breaking her toys and putting holes in the walls, right?
Dude. Seriously. Why is this even a debate? EVERYONE parents their child differently. (Granted, if most parented like me, your kids would be just as awesome as mine, but then who would my kids beat up?) Why do we think everyone has to react and parent and teach the exact same way, to kids who are each individually different and respond completely different to identical situations? No two kids in the same FAMILY are the same, let alone there existing a universal medium.
So let me give you some advice here. You can take it or leave it, you can applaud or curse, either way – it’s my blog and I’m gonna give you some awesome advice, ok? Are you ready? Here we go:
It’s OK to lose your shit in front of your kids.
Now I’m not telling you it’s ok to chase them down the hall with a belt screaming obscenities at them or anything extreme, but kids have to learn that we parents are human too. We get pushed to a limit, backed into a corner, and sometimes – JUST LIKE THEM – we lose our shit. We yell, we curse, we throw things, we tell them that if we have to have this talk ONE MORE TIME we’re gonna LOSE OUR DAMN MINDS.
Is it gonna startle them? Yes. Is it gonna terrify them? Possibly. (…and what kinda pansies you raisin’ over there anyway?!) Is it gonna scar them for life? No.
My real problem with this is the expectation that to be a perfect parent, we have to reach some ultimate zen-like calm where nothing ever ruffles our feathers, and our children become perfect little angels automatically. It’s not automatic. A young boy will reach for a flame. He’s not going to respond to “oh no sweetheart, that’s hot, please don’t…oh dear, someone call 911.” He WILL respond to a sharp “NO!” and perhaps a swat on the butt to get his attention. A determined young boy will touch that flame anyway, but will think twice about doing it again. (guess which boy mine was, go on – GUESS.)
All the talking in the world, sometimes, does not get through to my teenagers. And they know when I’ve reached the end of my rope. I am a yeller. I slam doors. I remove privileges. When they were young, I spanked. I also pull out the big guns, when it’s really needed – the “I’m disappointed in you” speech. And then we talk some more.
Do I apologize for yelling? Sometimes. Do I think I’m doing them irreparable harm by rising my voice? Not at all. Have I lost the respect of my children? Not in the least.
Most importantly: Do we still love and trust and show our affection as easily as our ire? Absofuckinlutely.
For all the times I’ve yelled, I know that there are far more times that I’ve grabbed them in a hug, that I’ve told them I love them, and am proud of them. For all the doors I’ve slammed, I know there’s far more doors I’ve opened for them, by teaching them that it’s ok not to be perfect, as long as you love each other and resolve to work together to solve whatever problem got you to that point. For all the privileges they lost for a time, I know that they have gained a greater sense of responsibility rather than loss, and it will serve them far better once they have stepped into the world where I can no longer protect them.
We laugh, we cry, we scream, we go disappointingly silent. And we yell.
In fact, just this morning I yelled at The Pup down the street as she waited for her bus. It sounded like this:
“HAVE A GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL! I LOVE YOU! GET THAT HOMEWORK THIS TIME!”
She yelled back, too – finishing off with a roll of her pre-teen eyes, I’m sure – and I’m perfectly OK with that.
SYTYCD: top 20 Intro Performances!
Oooooooooooh how I love SYTYCD! And the crop of finalists we have this year is simply OUTSTANDING! We’re in for a great season, I can tell!
I love the way they added the performance show as well. It gives us a little more insight on the dancers, they’re styles and what they’re good at! Comparatively the Tappers seemed the weakest, but I think it’s due to the difference in style, vs. the actual dancing ability. They wouldn’t be there if they couldn’t compete in all the other styles as well through Vegas week. As they said themselves regarding always dancing other styles and no one attempting they’re own? “We can do it! We really can!” I hope so, I do! Bianca is so happy to be there, I hope she goes far!
In case you missed it – here’s the top 20s first group dance. STUNNING.
Who’s your early favorite? Don’t be shy!
