KCHS Homecoming, 2009!
We’re not a football family. I know, I know – get out the pitchforks and such now, but it mainly stems from being in a state that doesn’t HAVE it’s own football (or any real sports) team. Sure, we have collegiate baseball, and I think in Anchorage they still have some inside flag football thing, but whatever – we’re just not that into it. Except for the whole Superbowl sunday, and that’s all about the commercials.
But even though we’re just not that into it? This past weekend was all about the kids’ Homecoming Weekend – mostly because the colorguard and drumline were performing, and well – could the team break the Homecoming Curse?
What curse? The one where they win every other game in the year, and then bomb on homecoming because they get cocky. Did they break the curse? No, of course not! It was a slaughter – but that didn’t stop MY kids from having fun.
First off, Friday night, it was the bonfire. Now, you may THINK you’re school has the biggest and baddest bonfire ever (I’m looking at you ‘we do everything bigger in Texas’!) but you ain’t seen NOTHING yet. When someone started the fire early, they turned to our local home depot, and they came through in a BIG way. Check out the before:
Oh yeah. And yes, one of our boys climbed to the top to put the opposing teems banner up there. So after the parade through town – which Peppermist and her colorguard and drumline buds walked in – they lit that badboy up, and within about 30 minutes, the flag was gone and the bonfire settled into something that resembled the surface of the SUN.
Now THAT’S a bonfire!
The boy made his Papa proud – but filling up a large container full of ice, buying a couple cases of soda, and setting up a tailgate party in his truck. He had all his friends, his sisters friends and a bunch of random strangers hanging around – and by the time I left, it seemed he was having quite a bit of fun.
On Saturday, it was the games, and at halftime – the Girl’s colorguard performance!
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And of course, the crowning jewel of the weekend, the Homecoming Dance. My son didn’t go, nor did many of his friends, so it was Pizza Party in the Manspace with them. Peppermist, on the other hand, is firmly in the camp of “Date? who needs a date?! I’m going with my GIRLFRIENDS!” And their group of 8 hit the dancefloor together, looking stunning, as usual!
Peppermist knew she looked pretty good when her brother and his best friend took one look and just went “NO! You cannot leave the house looking like that.” Undeterred, she and her friends danced the night away (though she DID forget her jewelry, and I being the nice mom that I am, made a second trip to bring it to her so that her look would be complete. Inorite?!). They even took their pictures together, and the photographer there worked out a special package so that each of the 8 girls would get a 5×7 and 3 wallets, which was pretty damn nice of him since his standard price of $10 per extra person would have cost them $80 and was way to expensive for any of the girls, and the package wouldn’t have divided up right. So good on ya, photographer dude!
By all reports, the dance was a huge success, though there were some confusion with the girls. They had an assembly, and reminded everyone that the same dress code was in effect for dances – which meant no spaghetti straps or
strapless dresses. This is why Peppermist wore a wrap all evening (and also because she’s more comfortable that way.) – but there were some dresses? Woooooooooooahboy. I don’t think I saw ANY with actual sleeves! And a couple elicited one reaction from me: “Hooker, stay away from MY son.” Who the HELL let their daughter wear a strapless SOCK that barely covered her ass, with thigh high hooker boots?! Harumph.
But they had fun anyway, Peppermist and her crew, while dressed APPROPRIATELY, even. 🙂
So that’s what we did with OUR weekend. How was YOURS?
Does ANYONE else LIKE their teens?
Wow. So I’ve been wandering around a couple of boards lately, inviting folks here, checking out some of the parent/teenager relationships, and some of the issues that they’re dealing with, and one thing stands out more than anything else:
They don’t LIKE their teenagers. At all.
Now, maybe it’s a case of only the unhappy complain, but I definitely felt like I was in the minority due to the fact I really, genuinely love to hang around my kids – and my kids? FAR from perfect, just like me. A lot of their issues too seem so very minor to me that it leaves me wondering – when did parents forgot what it was like to BE a teen?
Needless to say, I’ll occasionally be addressing some of these “issues” in my typically smartass and snarky caring and sensitive way. A “Dear PTB” segment, if you will. Sure, they didn’t actually ASK for my advice, but being who I am? I’m gonna give it anyway.
Disclaimer: All opinions are mine, and I’m not a professional – just a mom. Posts have been edited to protect the ‘innocent’.
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Dear PTB:
My 14 year old is Crazy! She doesn’t pick up her crap, her bathroom is disgusting and she eats whatever she wants without asking! Her shrink says no medication needed, but HELP! She’s out of CONTROL!
Dear Seeking Control in a Mad Mad World:
Get a grip! Welcome to life with a 14 year old girl!
In my experience, teenage girls will eat more than teenage boys, who often get a bad rap for it. Fact of the matter is, a teenage girl will MAKE something to eat and enjoys the act of putting things together – teenage boys refuse to try unless it takes 2 minutes or less in the microwave! True story!
So why do you want her to ask before she eats? Are you THAT big of a control freak? She’s a growing kid, and if she’s taking care of herself, that’s a stand of independence and LESS WORK FOR YOU.
Granted, the not cleaning up after herself or her bathroom, that could be more work, but again – WELCOME TO BEING A MOM OF A TEENAGE GIRL. This does not make her crazy or in need of therapy or on medication. It makes her NORMAL. It makes her a TEENAGER. Your job as a mom is not to slap her ass onto meds, or try to “fix” her. Nothing is broken. Unless there are other things to bitch about, I say lay off the poor kid. You’re the one who’s gonna drive her mental!
The main issue seems to be about cleaning up – so set some boundaries, and guidelines, by TALKING to your KID and INVOLVING her in the DISCUSSION. This is a CONTROL issue, and at 14, your daughter is just looking to have a little control over her own life. This is not a bad thing! A little respect goes a LONG way – even if in something so simple an issue as this.
For my kids, their room is THEIR place. They wanna live in a stinkhole pit of disgustingness, that’s their call. I don’t let them have friends over if it gets TOO bad, though – if I need hazmat gear to go into their room? It’s time to clean up.
When Peppermist decided she wanted to redecorate her room I let her make the decisions – she chose the paint color, she and her friends did all the work, painting, rearranging, hanging curtains and pictures, and made it her own sanctuary. Now, me, I wouldn’t want to live in a HOT PINK room with purple trim, but it’s not MY room. It’s hers. She loves it, and she even borrowed her friends carpet cleaner to put the finshing touches on her room. Is it still squeaky clean? No. Do I expect it to be? No.
Things left in the living room/common areas of the house bothering you? Ask her nicely to take care of it. If it is REALLY that big of an issue for you (for me, it’s not and really, have you thought about therapy? No? That’s a ridiculous idea? INORITE?!) then bag it up and put it in her room. She’ll get the picture – especially if you casually mention you almost mistook the garbage bag of her crap for actual garbage and carted it to the curb.
You see, it’s about having reasonable expectations and picking your battles. A messy room is not that big of deal in the grand scheme of things, especially if there’s no other, bigger, problems. If she’s not trying to hide teenage boys under that mass of dirty cloths, or drugs under yesterdays dinner trash, than why is it a big deal? Most teens discover they don’t want to live in a total pigsty, and those who don’t, well, they discover that the way to hell is not paved with dirty gym shorts and mismatched socks. They also discover that when they start purchasing their own things, and living on their own – they take care of their things – and themselves – better.
It’s all in learning personal responsibility – and not going to some shrink to decide that they really don’t clean their room because they hate you, themselves, and life in general. Clearly the therapist saw through this since they told you there’s no need for medication – and there’s NOT! There are much bigger issues that you could be faced with, so cut the kid some slack, will you?
She’s not crazy. She’s 14.
~ptb
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So what do YOU think about this “crazy” 14 year old? Have a different take on it? Some other advice? Wanna tell me that I”M crazy? Hit up the comments and go for it!
Also – See that new button up at the top? Got a question you want me to irreverently and snarkily tackle? Ask PTB!
That's so gay!
I had my first crush when I was five. His name was Jimmy H. and he lived in the house behind us. He was two years older, wiser, and so very handsome – it was destiny that we marry and have many babies that had his dark good looks. We were BFFs and practically inseparable – watching Batman on TV, than acting it out. I of course, was either Batgirl or Catwoman depending, on the episode that day.
I had my first kiss in first grade. While Jimmy H. was still my BFF, there was another boy who lived down the street from me named Doug. He wore a leather jacket, rode a brand new Huffy bike, and was always getting into trouble. He was a Bad Boy, and I was head over heels in love. We played freeze tag. He choose to unfreeze me by kissing my cheek. I was a goner, and thus began my infatuation with bad boys.
I had my first ‘boyfriend’ in 4th or 5th grade. Another Jimmy, Jimmy K. I remember walking the halls all through our recesses at the local Christian School, talking about anything and everything. I still have the necklace his mom made for him to give to me for Christmas that year – it still makes me smile. I cried when he moved away.
My first actual boyfriend came into my life at a sports retreat just before my 15th birthday. His name – unsurprisingly at this point – was Jimmy. Jimmy M. I had my first real kiss that same weekend, and we dated for 2 years. I went on to have other boyfriends, of course, but that’s how it all started.
But there’s some things missing in there, too. I had my first girl crush when I was 10. Her name was Laura, and I didn’t really think about it, because we’d been total BFFs for some time, and it seemed natural and right to want to grow up and share a house and be together forever. I didn’t delve any deeper to see if it meant more than BFF, because I didn’t care. I just knew we’d be together forever. I cried when she moved away.
After that, there was a steady stream of female friends, and looking back now, I can pinpoint the exact time I realized that my girl crushes likely meant I was bisexual. It wasn’t anyone I knew personally, but instead it was Suzanne from the Bangles and one key moment of the Walk Like An Egyptian video. There’s a close up of her eyes, and she looks from side to side on beat, and I’ve never forgotten that image ever. I wanted to stare at her, into those eyes, forever. It was 1986, I was 16 years old, and I never told a soul.
It’s not surprising that I’d choose to keep such a discovery under wraps, considering my background in Christian schools, attending church three times a week, and living in such a conservative town. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever come right out and told my mom that I dig girls, too, (…hi mom! *L*) Though I think she’s figured it out over the years.
So why bring it up now? I ran into an article from the NYTimes today, that discusses kids coming out – as early as Middle School, to their peers, their parents, their classes, their whole school. While there is still a LONG way to go, these students and their families are putting it all on the line to help put a stop to gay-bashing by simply being themselves, and being unafraid to do so. As the article points out, and using my own experience, no one thought twice to ask me if I was SURE I liked Jimmy K in grade school, or if it was just a phase. No one pushed me to identify my feelings, and make sure I liked him, because that is the acceptable norm. So why do we do that to our gay/lesbian/bisexual students of the same age group?
Middle School is a time where kids are discovering their identity, in all ways, including their sexuality. Whether they choose to come out or not at that age, it’s unsurprising that many can pinpoint their first discoveries of sexual orientation at that time, or even a bit earlier. Schools across the country are forming Gay Straight Alliance clubs, where they can meet together – no matter the orientation, and support each other. They understand what should be obvious – you don’t have to have sexual interaction in order to identify your attraction, and expecting our kids to identify strictly as straight because it’s easier isn’t fair to them, or us.
But in some areas, it’s getting better, and that’s where we need to keep our focus. It’s not automatically assumed that being gay leads to a life of loneliness and heartbreak any longer. Schools that would never allow their students to say “That’s so black!” are finally cracking down on the students that say “that’s so gay!” as well. We’re taking steps toward acceptance, and I find that encouraging! We’ve a long way to go, but movement in the right direction should be applauded.
So if your pre-teen/teenager has the balls to come to you and tell you they’re gay/lesbian/bisexual – don’t ask them if it’s a phase, don’t ask them if they’re sure, or how they could possibly know if they’re not sexually active (because that’s just silly, people!). Accept them with open arms, realize that they are STILL your kid, they’re still the amazing individual you’ve been raising all these years. Support them. It will go a LONG way to ensuring their happiness, which is what we ultimately want for our kids anyway, right?
Right! Make me proud, ya’ll!
DWTS: Double elimination!
Ahha! Now I know what it was that Macy Gray said backstage to Samantha Harris that had the judges cracking up so bad – so bad that poor Carrie Ann Inaba SQUEEKED her score reveal! Apparently, what I’d missed when I turned my head, was that Macy said of her dance… “I just feel like I popped my cherry!”
And ABC actually censored the word “popped”! Hahahaha! Oh, Family Programing, how do I love thee… let me count the ways…
Anyway – the results were not shocking in the least. In between all the ridiculous filler, and one TRULY awesome Lion King performance, we discovered that Ashley Hamilton, son of the Tan Man himself, was sent packing. Following him, was the poor dance cherry-less Macy Gray. Ashley had zero charisma – unlike his father in his season – and Macy’s performance was just.. odd, which wasn’t surprising at all, but still, you know, was.
And then they ended the show with a Dirty Dancing/Patrick Swayze tribute, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I got sniffly. Because of my allergies! Honest! It had nothing to do with the fact that I wore out my copy of dirty dancing soundtrack (on CASSETTE) and VHS, after seeing the movie 4 times in theaters despite the fact Mama was a little leery of the movie/title/previews.
I wanted to be Baby. I wanted to dance. I wanted Johnny to rescue me and tell everyone that “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” Sigh. RIP Patrick Swayze.
