Today is the day…
…that we send all the boys screaming and hiding their eyes, or at the very least make them squirm in their seat uncomfortably. Today, we’re going to talk about periods.
Peppermist: Whats a period mom? (Like she doesn’t know!)
Me: The dot at the end of a sentence. (Ha take THAT!)
PM: I thought that was a comma! (in Mock shock!)
Me: No, that’s when you bleed every month. (can’t best me!)
PM: Oh. Hey – what do boys get, if girls get a comma? (sly…)
Me: Uh.. (…crap)
PM: I know. Boys get EXCLAMATION POINTS.
Me: *headdesk*
Yes – that’s an actual snarky conversation one day after health class. My kid is AWESOME. *L* And yes, we’re gonna talk a little bit about menstruation and how to broach the subject with your girls. Whether you call it your little friend, your monthly visitor, your Aunt Flow, getting unwell, “Nancy” (don’t ask me why we called it Nancy. When I MET a little girl named Nancy we went back to Aunt Flow – much to her relief!) or any other subtitle – it’s a fact of life. It happened to you, and it will happen to your little girl, too. And what’s worse, is that her attitudes about it, and how she feels about the natural process of her body will only be 50% guided by you. The rest of the (mis)information will come from her peers.
As with everything – I encourage you to TALK TO YOUR CHILD. This is the utmost in importance, because it can be a scary thing, this first period. To find yourself suddenly bleeding, for days, it’s hard to believe that nothing is wrong, that it’s supposed to happen this way.
There are a LOT of useful books and tools out there to help you talk to your daughters if your squeamish about it too, so there’s no excise for having it be a surprise to your pre-teen/teen. If you can’t quite bring yourself to broach The Talk, then check these out:
My first Period Kit & DVD
Dr. Chrustal de Freitas understands how awkward these little “chats” can be, and how parents often get tongue-tied or dance around the details due to embarrassment. Based on her own experience with her daughters, she’s designed the My First Period Kit and DVD to help facilitate discussion about the first period. The goal is to help you share the essential information with your daughter and set a solid foundation for open and healthy discussions. It has accurate, age-appropriate information, and the kit includes some gifts as well.
It includes:
– A 99 minute DVD with the healthy Chats for Girls seminar to watch with your daughter, plus an age-appropriate helpful The birds and the Bees with Ease!”
– Pretty Pad Purse that can slip easily into your daughter’s backpack
– Full Color Parent Guide
– Trendy Butterfly Bracelet
– Handy Quick Reference Card to help tackle Frequently Asked Questions.
My Little Red Book
I saw the editor of this book on the Rachael Ray Show, and have been waiting for this entry to point you all in it’s direction. Mortified by her own first period experience, 18 year old Rachel Kauder Nalebuff decided to get together a collection of first time stories so that the girls out there know that they are not alone. The stories are told by a variety of women from all walks of life, and Rachel hopes it helps “get the conversation Flowing!”
And as we recently celebrated Earth Day, here’s a couple of alternatives to the conventional pads and tampons for you and your daughter.
Luna Pads have gotten a lot of great reviews, and are washable/reusable pads and liners, in a variety of sizes, shapes and fabric patterns, including an ‘intro’ kit for girls and teens.
The Diva Cup: used to collect rather than to absorb the menstrual flow, this alternative is perfect for all activities and ends the hassle of pads and tampons. PLEASE be sure that your daughter is COMFORTABLE with her own body first. This cup is washable, reusable, and is reportedly very easy to use as well. The site covers all the frequently asked questions you can think of, and holds a wealth of information.
There are also a bunch of other books on Amazon – books by American Girl that talk about puberty and taking care of your body, The Care and Keeping of You, among many others. The point is – as always – don’t be afraid to talk to your daughters. It’s a natural thing, and doesn’t have to be scary at all, if your open and honest and let them know what to expect.
Alright boys – you can come back now! 🙂
But moooooom, I'm Siiiiick!
I have discovered the SURE FIRE WAY to make sure my kids do not get sick at all – have the lovely Deana send me a sample of Triaminic Thin Strips for us to test while we talk about when it’s ok to skip school, and when they need to get their behinds back in class without worrying their contaminating everyone they’re in touch with.
But I am a patient mom! The pup, my lovely pre-teen/tween, finally succumbed to a cough and cold! SCORE! Now if only I could find that little box…
Just kidding. I knew where it was. Anyway – As I mentioned, Deana contacted me to let me know that the National Association of School Nurses have partnered up with Triminic to help create a set of Sick Day Guidelines to help parents make the right call when their kiddos are sick. Keep them home, send them to school… it often seems to be decided by a single point on the thermometer. Then it’s off to the store to be confronted by all the OTC (over-the-counter) cough and cold remedies, to see if you can squash it at home before headed to the doctors. There have been some recent changes to the labels and guidelines of these products- so please read the labels carefully! Many of the OTC brands are now not recommended for children under the age of 4.
Triaminic Thin Strips are most awesome because the dose is already measured for you, just pop 1 or 2 (depending on age and size of your kiddo) into their mouths and let it dissolve. The pup, who normally makes faces at all such medicine type things, declared that it tasted like sugar and that made her happy.
The Sick Day Guidelines offer more helpful tips for handling sick days, and give guidelines on when to keep your kid home – guidelines that are helpful for our teenagers too. After all, deciding on if it’s a cold, flu or “got-a-test-itis” is a necessary parenting skill – even if we should have it all figured out by this age, some teenagers (BOY! I’m looking at YOU!) are masters at pity ploys!
So check out the guidelines today!
What REALLY happened on Spring Break?
Did you know that over half of all kids say they lied to their parents about what went on during Spring Break? If your shocked by this, then you don’t remember the allure of a week off school and parties galore. At least, that’s what I assume it’s like, as my kids just hung around the house and drove me nuts all week. Not that I’m complaining!
Last year, MomLogic conducted a poll of teens and found that while 70% of parents were anxious about spring break since the disappearance of Natalee Holloway, only $30% of teens were concerned enough to have it impact their decision. Other findings include:
* One in four teens say they or someone they know lost their virginity on spring break.
* Over half said they or a friend had sex with someone they met on the trip.
* One in three said they or a friend had sex without a condom. (This won’t come as a surprise to some Moms–a third of all parents polled admitted to thinking their kids would have unprotected sex.)
* Almost 60% of parents believe their kids were not honest with them about what went on during spring break–and, according to our survey, they’re right. Over half of all kids said they lied to their parents about what went on during spring break.
So with Spring Break in the bag, and only a few of us getting the real story, what can we do with Summer approaching and even longer time frames to worry about? It’s simple – TALK TO YOUR KIDS.
I know, I sound like a broken record, don’t I? TheAntiDrug.com offers five Spring Break Tips which will work all year round for any time frame when your teens is out and about.
1. Always ask your teens where they are going, who they’ll be with and what they’ll be doing.
2. Set rules for checking in (via text, phone call, etc.) at pre-determined times.
3. Work with other parents to get a list of everyone’s addresses, e-mails, and phone numbers so you can get in touch with your teens and their friends.
4. Safeguard all prescription and over-the-counter drugs at home, and put away all alcoholic beverages.
5. Talk to your teen regularly about the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and learn the facts. Go to TheAntiDrug.com for talking tips, conversation starters and all the facts about teens and risky behaviors.
Gee – Lookit there! Even the experts say to talk to your kids! While I’m not one to lock up the alcohol – when I actually have some around, which is rare – or the medications, the kids and I talk about such things regularly. Usually in jokes and mock threats – but that’s simply our way. I made a deal a long time ago with my son that if he stayed away from alcohol (drugs was an understood undercurrent) until he 21, that I would take him to Vegas for his birthday and be designated driver while he got absolutely sloshed on casino way. So far, so good. I’d better start saving!
Not every family has our sense of humor (Go on! Take a sip of my beer, boy! It’ll be cheaper for me in the long run! No really! TASTE IT! No? Damn. Vegas here we come…) but the fact remains that the best way to have your kids respect your boundaries is to talk to them and let them know what they are, why, and put the weight of responsibility on their shoulders too. When they understand why, and know that you have trusted them to make the right decisions, often times they will make those decisions the way you want them too.
Talk. to. your. kids.
Check after the cut for an Q&A with Stephen Wallace and TheAntiDrug.com. He says to TALK TO YOUR KIDS too.
🙂
Abstinence in the real world
We talk about sex a lot in our house. I’ve have two teenagers and have never been squeamish about giving detailed descriptions and scarring my kids for life. “You were conceived not as you wish to believe, through immaculate conception, but through sex. FAT PEOPLE SEX.” I’m also the one who gave all the teenagers STD’s for Christmas.
I know, I know, not a “normal” mom, am I? However, for us and our sick sense of humor, it’s clearly working, as my 17 year old and my 14 year old are both virgins still. Which means I’ll let them live a little longer. I’m nice like that.
Thing is, though, I’ve never been one to preach the abstinence trail, other than as an afterthought. My main point to my kids is that I want them to wait until they’re READY, and to be ready and willing to make a mature and responsible decision when they believe they are. The up side to those conversations is that it covers the fact that yes, abstinence is realistic – for a time. And that time is dictated by the teenager themselves, not anyone else.
Bristol Palin’s comment about it not being realistic sparked a lot of comments in the blogasphere. The internets were buzzing, and us Alaskans were once again forced into the limelight. No biggy to me, really. I voted for the other guy – and have a habit of not giving a damn what other people think of me. Anyway, it’s the reactions that have me shaking my head – because honey, there is a lot of victim blaming going on…
For instance, over at Adventures in Parenting, they broach this subject matter in praise of those who have made the choice to wait. Good job teens! I respect that decisions – what I don’t respect, however, is her take on teens that may not go that way. It’s not that she finds it impossible, but that she blames the way the girl is DRESSED, the fact they might see a romantic movie, and then go to a house where no one is home, rather then go on a group date, dress modestly, and play board games with their parents while eating snacks lovingly provided by said parental units.
I’d bet my left arm she’s the mother of a boy.
You see, this is where it starts. This is where you start blaming the girl in the short skirt for getting herself raped, the girl with piercings and funky hair for getting stabbed in the park – who cares that she’s a straight a student, that she doesn’t do drugs, that she is by all accounts A Good Girl who didn’t deserve to be victimized – especially by the media, by the perpetrator’s parents because their preshush baby boy would never THINK of that if her skirt had been ankle length, and matched her turtleneck while they were surrounded by parents and friends, by her friends or by random strangers on the internets.
It makes me angry – VERY angry. So much so that I waited over a week before I wrote this entry, and I’m STILL angry. NOthing there speaks of how the boys might be dressed – thugged out and with bling everywhere or suit and tie, or that sometimes it’s nice to NOT have to drag around all your friends on a date – or that even surrounded by your friends and/or family it is entirely possibly to get your freak on anyway.
No, the blame is on the girls low-rise jeans and tight blouses, the movie industry, and an empty house.
Do I want my daughter dressing like a hoochie mama? No. If she were into style and fashion (she’s a jeans and loose t-shirt kinda girl), I’d do the responsible thing and we’d talk and shop together and find compromises that pleased us both, and remained fashionable. I have little room to talk, after all, since I grew up in the Big Hair Era, with skin tight leggings and oversized shirts cinched with a belt and boys that collected scrunchies from girls they made out with. The point is – I’d talk to her about it, and about what message she wants to send, because she will have no control over how that message is interpreted.
It’s time to put the blame where it belongs – parents who don’t give a shit enough to talk honestly to their kids about sex and teach them to take responsibility for their own actions. It’s time to sit down and TALK TO YOUR KIDS, and quit being so squeamish that you resort to shoving abstinence down their throat as the only option – because if you don’t, don’t be surprised when your Good Little Girl comes up pregnant – like the pastor’s kid from across the street who had her first child a month after she turned 16.
Stop being scared of your kids and the tough talks about realistic subjects, and stop placing blame where it doesn’t belong. Your kids WILL have sex, eventually, whether it be at 14 or 21 or 40, either armed with realistic expectations and information, or not.
Which option do you prefer?
