Better Parenting through Google!
So today, while I was rattling my brains to see what kind of drivel helpful advice I could come up with, I checked my referral logs for Parenting Teens Blog. I was curious to see what as bringing the tens of twenties of people here to my little corner of irreverent snarkiness. You know, folks out there have a lot of questions – and so, I bring you the first Better Parenting Through Google edition of PTB.
Teenager reading emotions: What, what? Your teen is reading your emotions, or you are reading theirs? I mean – what exactly is the problem? Of course, if it’s the first one, it can’t be THAT bad, right? I know when I just don’t want to be bothered by the teenage problem of the second, it’s nice when my son can take one glance and step away slowly, only to return with chocolate in hand. Treat it like an important skill that will save your son’s life when his wife is pregnant. He’ll thank you.
Preventing teens from joining gangs: Lock them in the basement. Why are you looking at me like that?!
Christian sleepovers for teens: Hahahahah. because teenagers are SO GOOD at resisting temptation, right? Especially in a church and all… right? I ever tell you about the preacher’s daughter who got pregnant at 16? Hmmm?
Interests of a typical teen: Easy. Teenage boys: Girls. Cars. Swords/sharp pointy things/things that can maim them/sports. Video games. Teenage girls: Boys. makeup. boys. phones. boys. fashion. boys. Oh, and did I mention boys?
Parenting teenage boys: Here’s what my dad always said – when a boy becomes a teenager, lock him up in a barrel and feed him through a hole in the side. When he turns 18, plug the hole. Think that’s bad, you should have heard him re: his girls dating!
Importance of Teen Socializing: Dude. this is SO important. because if they don’t socialize? that means they’re ALWAYS HOME. Who wants that?!
Why teenagers blog: another easy one – because they have mom’s as irreverent and snarky as ME!
I hope you enjoyed this edition of Better Parenting Through Google! – I’m sure I’ll run another one as soon.
Saturday PSAs!
This past week I received a couple of emails that let me know about a couple opportunities for our Teens. It’s important to help them get involved in the community, to be aware of those around them in a way they haven’t been before. Sure, we can’t FORCE them to do anything, but we can at least nudge them in the right direction from time to time. Here’s a couple of sites to check out:
Holly contacted me about The League, which encourages parents and teens to spend time together by giving back. According to Holly, The LEAGUE is a school and web-based system that provides the tools and resources to teach students about giving, service and civic engagement. Right now, The League is gearing up for their One Day serve-a-thon to kick off this year’s events.
Holly explains: “The LEAGUE’s ONE DAY Event is a “servathon” where students identify, organize and plan a service project that meets a need in their community, and sign up friends and family to sponsor them (if they choose) in advance. Students can create their very own service project such as visiting seniors, tutoring peers, or cleaning up neighborhoods.” The One Day event runs September 17th thru October 8th.
Check out their website, The League Worldwide, for more information.
Next up, Matt sent me a cute little note, assuring me that I won’t be as nervous about this driving thing in as little as 3 or 4 years. Thanks for the encouragement, there, Matt! He also wanted to let us know about the new public awareness campaign about teenage steroid use from the AD Council. This campaign is called “Don’t be an Asterisk” – as those known to have used steroids on competition lists are marked with – you guess it – an asterisk.
Matt explained: “Whether it is a potential college scholarship or just helping the team win, some feel pressure to do whatever it takes to get an “edgeâ€, even if it means taking steroids or other illegal substances.
The PSA is below, and I encourage you to check out the website, Don’t be an Asterisk, for more information.
Thanks Holly and Matt for letting me know about your projects and causes! I’m glad to help get the word out. If anyone else has a program they want me to check out, please use the contact me button over there under the ‘about site’ link on the right. Thanks!
Oh. Hai!
I can haz post now pls?
Heh. I have not forgotten this blog – honest. Big Brother is kicking my ass still, but we’re down to the last two weeks of the season and things are starting to slow – just as Rachael Ray and Survivor are picking up, and I also have all them other ones too. So my writing has been focused elsewhere, for now.
But I thought I’d let ya’ll know I’m still alive. And yes, the whole Palin thing, whatever. I’m supposed to be all excited as an Alaskan, and really? While she gives good speech – most politicians do – I urge ya’ll to do your research on BOTH sides of the ballot before making your decision on whether this is a good choice or not. This is not a time to vote party lines just because you’ve always voted on your side of the line. Informed decisions are key – and in this day and age, it’s all on the internets at your fingertips. There’s no excuse for making an illformed opinion your personal facts.
And no, I’m not gonna tell you which side I have chosen to err on because I hate politics. I’m also not fond of my youngest daughter coming home and begging me not to vote for one or the other because of things she had told her on the school bus. She’s in FOURTH GRADE. I’m all for opinions, but can a fellow grade-schooler really have done his research? Or is he just overwhelmed by the speeches he’s watched, and his parents opinion? Either way, it doesn’t matter. I told the pup that I understand her concern with who I choose to vote for, and promised to make it an informed decision – and that she cannot, under any circumstances, believe everything she hears. It takes time and research, and consideration of all the issues, not just “Well (so and so) told me this, so please mommy don’t ever vote that way!”
That’s just one step shy of the scare tactics that the politicians themselves use. So, I implore you. Do your research. Find out where they – ALL of them – stand on the issues that are important to you and the well being of your family. Learn all that you can. View their track records, and for the love of all things American, think before you push that button or pull the handle on your vote.
Thank you.
People are talkin, talkin bout people…
Alright. Everyone is talking about it, behind their hands, in the open, on magazine covers, on talk shows, at the water cooler, in the streets, in the home… you can’t get away from it. So I guess it’s time that we talk about it too.
Acne.
Just kidding – of course I mean the whole Sarah Palin “scandal” and all. I know, as an Alaskan I’m supposed to be proud that finally our politics are being seen on a greater level, finally the “Lower 48” realizes that Alaska exists and oh yeah, is actually part of the United States and not some icebound country ‘over seas’. (Think I’m kidding? You should see our shipping costs…) But I don’t think I’m alone in feeling that this is not the way we wanted shoved into the limelight.
In case you’ve lived under a rock (and lord knows I tried…) Sarah Palin’s 17 year old daughter is pregnant, unmarried (obviously), though the plan is that she marry her baby daddy. She’s also planning on keeping the baby, and raising it with the help of Mom and Dad, hopefully (on their part) in the White House/VP quarters… where does the VP live anyway? Anyway. Sarah and family are ‘thrilled’ and can’t wait to be grandparents, yadda yadda yadda.
Here’s the thing – it came out this way, this fast, because of a rumor. If there was ever proof that rumors spread faster then truth, this is it. The reason this issue was forced to the forefront was because some gossipmongers were certain that Sarah’s youngest baby, Trig, born in April with downs syndrome, was actually Bristol’s child, and Sarah faked her pregnancy.
I know, right?
While I question a lot of Sarah Palin’s politics, I do not question that she is the mother of Trig (though I do question her naming abilities. Trig? Track? Bristol? Come ON…), or that Bristol is now pregnant with her own child, and there was no faking of anything involved. (Well.. nope. not going there.) I do question why the Republicans are quick to say this is a family matter and no one’s business, when we all know that had the shoe been on a Democrat’s foot, it would have been a free for all.
So here’s what we need to think about, as parents of teenagers. The Politics. (And oh, how I HATE politics!). Here are some of the issues – collected by my fantastic Sister In Law – that should be looked at instead of who’s knocking boots in a back seat somewhere:
Seventeen – reasons to laugh!
So, have you ever sat down and READ the magazines your daughter is thumbing through and reading carefully and taking notes on? When Seventeen or Cosmo Girl arrives at our house, there’s giggling, and snorting, and ooohing and ahhing over fashions she’d never really wear, eager reading of the stories about celebs and general total immersion in the World Of Girly until she’s read every single word.
It’s frightening. But familiar, and typical.
So the other day, I found the latest magazine discarded into the Reading Pile (aka – stacked on the counter next to toilet) and decided to thumb through it. Ads, ads, ads, a little blurb here, a little blurb there, and – the Guide To Flirting In School.
WELL then.
Clearly, this was a must read for me, as I may eventually choose to date again. While I am not in high school (obviously – and thank you for keeping your laughter and pointing to a minimum), maybe there’s some tips to help me remember how to do it, as well as to prepare me for the shennanagans my daughter might be up too. So, I read the way to ‘say the flirtiest things’ for when ‘your crush has you tongue-tied’, and couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe the boys back in my day were different, but none of these lines would have worked – not that I had tried them, of course. And even if I did, would I tell you? (…probably.) Or maybe I was just too much of a dork. I leave it up to you to decide.
So here they are – what to say in different situations, levels of crush-dom, and what would have happened had I tried this in my day. Maybe your experiences were/are different – feel free to toss them in the comments if so. Or just laugh at me. It’s ok, I’m used to it!
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Section One! If you barely know him, the object is to get him to talk by asking questions that encourage him to give longer answers… So, try this when you are:
In class: Want to work with me on this? Rumor has it your an awesome lab partner!
When HS Lessa tries: uh, um, oh, shit I didn’t mean to spill that on you… it’s only a chemical burn, and you can totally have some of my butt skin for a graft if you need it…
In the Hallway: I love your shirt! Did you pick it out, or do you have a very stylish girlfriend?
Poor HS Lessa: Dude, ya mama dresses ya funny. Oh, your girlfriend picked it out? What’s the difference?
In the Lunch Line: Funny, I wouldn’t have pegged you as a pudding guy!
Hungry Lessa: HANDS OFF MY PUDDING, ASSHEAD!
At a Game: I just got here, did I miss any action in the first quarter?
Non-athletic Lessa has nothing to say, because she got kicked off the field/court for asking her crush, the star quaterback/point guard/totally unobtainable way out of her league guy, a question in the middle of the game. Duh.
Section Two! Now, there is, of course, a different strategy if you’re already flirty friends! Now, the object is to ask him to spend time with you in a cute and casual way. Needless to say, Lessa? She doesn’t do cute too well. Let’s look in on our poor high-schooler…
In Class: Studying for this test would suck a lot less if we did it together.. you in?
Semi-Desperate Lessa: What? sure, I’ll totally give you all my notes, and let you peek at my test. That’d be awesome! (Inside dialog: OMG HE TOTALLY DIGS ME!)
In the Hallway: Admit it, you keep passing my locker so that you can walk me to class…
Shy, blushing Lessa: Uh, um, sure, I’ll carry your books. And your soda. And your gym bag. No, I don’t mind that it’s completely on the other side of the school than my class at ALL! (Inner dialog: what’s another tardy? I’ve got 10 already!)
Lunch Line: I see you eying my fries! I could be in a sharing mood if you ask nicely.
Hungry Lessa: HANDS OFFA MY FRIES YA ZITFACED FREAK! (Inner dialog: HANDS OFFA MY FRIES YA ZITFACED FREAK!)
At a Game: Executive Decision: We’re all getting pizza after the game, and you’re coming too!
Too shy to exist Lessa to her BFF: YOU ask him, I can’t! No, YOU! YOU! Fine, wanna go.. hey? where’d he go?!
Section Three! You’re in the bigtime now, he’s gonna ask you out and you know it! All you need is an opening… So, if you’re hooking up (and Mama Lessa hasn’t locked you in your room FOREVER for even thinking of things like dates and stuff) you want to be flirty and bold, give him that opportunity to ask you out.
In Class: We should celebrate when this test is over – I promise we won’t talk about photosynthesis!
Tongue Tied Lessa: So, uh, you wanna come over later? Promise we won’t talk about this test on photosynthesis… because, you know, this is algebra. hahaaha! (Inner dialog: omgiwannadie..)
In the Hallway: You were in my dream last night! I can fill you in on the details this weekend!
Poor HS Lessa: Dude, I totally had a dream about you last night! We were… hey! Wait! Why you running away?! COME BACK!
In the Lunch Line: We should go out someplace real – where the food doesn’t come on plastic trays!
Hungry Lessa: FEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEE…. McD run? I’ll buy!
At a game: Want to make a bet? If we win, Slurpees on you, if they win, my treat!
Dorkalicious Lessa to the nth degree: OMG I’m so sorry! I spilled my slurpee there on the court, I was gonna get a rag, but you slipped on it before I could! OMG, is the bone supposed to stick out of the skin like that? It’s only the championship – you can totally beat them next year!
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So there you have it. How to get that cute guy to either ask you out, or run away as fast as his legs can carry him. Life was so much easier when we could just throw rocks at boys and they’d love us forever… Good luck!
