I drempt last night, and only those close to me realize what an oddity it is that I remember that I drempt at all, let alone what about. I drempt that it had all been a dream, a nightmare, and that I’d finally woken up. He arrived at the door, bitching because I’d forgotten to book his flight, complaining that the house was a mess, and playing with the kids and the pets. <\/p>\n
Skip ahead, to me digging through my mother’s closet for something fabulous to wear – and somehow discovering an old prom dress. [I knew for certain it was a dream, for I still *fit* into said prom dress.] All dressed up, to the nines, looking fabulous and as excited as a kid on her first date. The door bell rang, and there he was…<\/p>\n
…talking to my parents, not even saying anything to me about how I looked or even acknowledging that I was there, which was so wrong because he *always* was one who hung on me, complimented whenever the whim struck – and it struck a lot. He was opening gifts of some sort, he was then writting something, and all along everyone interacted as if I wasn’t there.<\/p>\n
It was then that I realized something. Somehow, I had invaded his dreams, his mishmash of cosmic thought, his essense of mixed up realities. It hit like a sledge hammer. In his world…<\/p>\n
I didn’t exist.<\/b><\/p>\n
I woke up with tears drying on my face, my pillow wet with evidence of how long I’d been trapped in a reality where my being there no longer mattered.<\/p>\n
And I again resolved to make sure that here, with his kids, with me, his presense would always<\/b> matter. Painful, difficult, but oh so necessary that the kids easily remember, and that I not try to squash said memories in any way shape of form. He’s still here. He still exists. He’s just on a different plane then we are – and we’ll still strive to make him proud to have had been able to spend the past 15 years with us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I drempt last night, and only those close to me realize what an oddity it is that I remember that I drempt at all, let alone what about. I drempt that it had all been a dream, a nightmare, and that I’d finally woken up. He arrived at the door, bitching because I’d forgotten to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotional"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/266\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}