{"id":519,"date":"2006-04-11T07:21:05","date_gmt":"2006-04-11T16:21:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/2006\/04\/11\/today-3\/"},"modified":"2006-04-11T07:41:08","modified_gmt":"2006-04-11T16:41:08","slug":"today-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/2006\/04\/11\/today-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Trolling for hate mail\/comments – since I never get any hate mail and all the popular kids do and I can be popular really! You know you like me, you know you do! Maybe I need to kill snails instead… or club baby seals or something…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today – in a few hours – some MAN is coming to my HOUSE to POKE ME.<\/p>\n

WITH a NEEDLE.<\/p>\n

Oh getcha heads outa the gutter! *L* A paramedical exam is apparently necessary for someone, anyone, who reads my height and weight on insurance paperwork. I’m not surprised really. What I am, however, is HUNGRY! because since he is gonna POKE me with a NEEDLE I must FAST for 12 hours.<\/p>\n

I’m sure he’s a VERY nice guy – but he’s coming to my house, ARMED WITH A NEEDLE that he will POKE me with, and a little cup I must PEE in, and blood pressure cuffs and a scale and a measuring tape and…<\/p>\n

They’re sending a MAN to FAT GIRLS house after FORCING HER TO FAST for 12 hours.<\/p>\n

I may just eat him. “good morning Ms…” RARCHOMP!<\/p>\n

He’d better not be skinny. If they’re gonna STARVE ME for 12 hours, the least they can do is send me one with meat on his bones.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

PS. The ‘killing snails’ in the title is in reference to this post by Dad Gone Mad<\/a> which apparently has gotten the silly internets in an uproar for his little boy being a little boy. Seriously, internets, lighten up. If killing snails was a crime, all them people using pesticides would be criminals after poisoning the lil fuckers. Not to mention, if he were REALLY raising a sociopath, would he tell you? sheesh.<\/p>\n

myself, I prefer my snails drenched in butter and garlic, baked and served on a platter in a French courtyard by a cute waiter with a lovely accent and a thing for fat american girls…<\/p>\n

mmmmmmmmmmm snails…<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

PPS: And no, I don’t really club baby seals. Well, not anymore, though I have fond memories of the little *squish* sound the club always made right before the *crunch*…<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

PPPS: Oh for crissakes, i was KIDDING about the squish sound! It’s more of a “thudsquick”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today – in a few hours – some MAN is coming to my HOUSE to POKE ME. WITH a NEEDLE. Oh getcha heads outa the gutter! *L* A paramedical exam is apparently necessary for someone, anyone, who reads my height and weight on insurance paperwork. I’m not surprised really. What I am, however, is HUNGRY! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-519","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-myriad"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=519"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/519\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=519"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=519"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/gonfalon.org\/eclat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=519"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}