I think…
…that once in a while, everyone should park and make out in the car like teenagers until the cops arrive.
It’s good for the soul.
*snicker*
The best thing…
…that came from my oh so brief dating of douchecanoe? He convinced me to get these…
…while random online shopping. I love them in all their warm stripey goodness! These socks, and their brother n sister pairs that arrived in the same box, make me smile. And also keep my feets warm. SO WARM.
[I've yet to try the adhesive stuff to make thigh high stockings stay where they belong, but if that works too? TOTAL WIN. Well done, douchecanoe, well done.]
[even better? He never got to see them. They came in the mail the day he decided girls have cooties. Hehehe.]
And another thing…
Just because we’ve known each other a while, and now I’m available to date, does not mean that all the sudden all I want to talk about is sex – let alone sex with you. ESPECIALLY if you haven’t bothered to say hello in some time, or tried to have an actual conversation. You remember conversations right? If not – Try things like – how’s the family? The kids? Mom and dad? Or I dunno, asking about me… for gods sake, talk about something something that lets me know I’m more than just a vagina that’s recently hung an ‘open for business’ sign.
Seriously.
Common sense, guys.
[Is not common - I know.]
In case this isn’t clear enough – here are some things recently said to me that will GUARANTEE that you will not get to see if there is, indeed, an ‘open for business’ type sign on the vajayjay.
“Would you try to suffocate me?” – only with a pillow. and not MY pillows, freak.
“I just want to coat you with oil and play slip and slide…”
“You make me so horny.” …I haven’t even said hello. Nice.
“I dreamt about you last night…”
“I had to wack off three times before I could sleep thanks to you..”
“I wanna make you scream..” …mission accomplished, though not as you thought. G’way now.
And so on. And so forth. So yeah. Try getting to know me, first. I want more than just SEX people – because clearly? I can get that ANYWHERE. Heh.
Surgury update
For those that don’t know – i had surgery on Nov. 25 – uterine Ablation, to stop heavy menstrual flow.
Update as of yesterday: unsuccessful.
Beaver Boy
And lets not forget beaver boy… so named by Peppermist because every time we looked at his pictures we went “….DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.” That boys’ 6 pack carried a halfrack of its own!
Anyway – totally hot. In Vegas, but has family here, visiting soon. So we talk, he prefers the phone, we chat on skype, and all he wants to know is what I think when I see his picture. Ok – Daaaaaaamn. No he wants specifics. I laugh. He tells me he knows girls like me never expect to get guys like him, and though I’m a little “thicker” than he usually goes for, that don’t mean i’m not cute.
He does point out more than once though, that HE didn’t message me first, his “niggas” were on his account and did.
Now we’ve already mentioned how I hate the ‘nigga’ this and ‘nigga’ that they say over and over again. The night after the ‘date’ with number two, we were supposed to have another chat, about which I was told to “try not to laugh so much – I know it’s just because your nervous and shy, but it’s annoying” and over over that ‘actions mean more than words” and he was a “serious man” who knows I just wanna know “what a ‘nigga’ be workin with”.
Well, having had my fill of such talk the night before, I tell Beaver Boy that I’m unavailable to chat. He messages me the next day with this:
“Funny how you was online all night, hm?”
Now, my PHONE has the app for the site we’re on, and it checks in for messages and it can seem like i’m online. I did not tell him I wouldn’t BE online – just that I was unavailable to chat. Which I was. So I call him out on his vaguely stalker like ways, and tell him that I don’t appreciate being called a liar – and he’s all “Actions speak louder than words.”
Well then listen good mofo – KABLOCK.
Next?
