Land o'Lessa

Hurray! It’s time for the pure camp that is Shear Genius – where contestants must cut, or be cut. (DundunDUN!) The countries 12 top stylists have been gathered in LA where they’ll be styling their way to the top. They join Jaclyn Smith where it’s time for their first shortcut challenge. They get a five minute consult and then 45 minutes to do a cut. The hair models walk in and they’re all wearing safety glasses, and we find out why moments later – the stylists are to do the cuts blindfolded. I’d be bustin out of there like RIGHT now. Heh.

Luckily no one chops up their model, though there are some that cut up their own hands too. Naturally all of the stylists are happy with their creations, because at this point no ones gonna say “Oh I totally butchered that.” Kim goes through and judges them all and fluffs their hair and basically makes me cringe for the models because dude, get your hands and comb away from me already (…sometimes I lose my ‘girl card’, I know. i don’t like shoes either.) Dallas boy Daniel was able to tease and fluff even blindfolded. Heh. Dee used a razor, and man, her model deserves props for sitting still through it all – but it pays off because she nails the first Shortcut Challenge win.

They’re all lined up from best to worse, with Oshun in last place and he says the best always finish last. Did someone read him the right rules for this whole competition thing? He says he’s deep, but I think I’ve dimples in my thighs that are deeper then Oshun.

They go to their house, oohing and ahhing and trying to find the bitch of the house (me me me! it’s me!) Next day, Jaclyn introduces them to the gayest accent that ever lived, Rene Fris. Don’t get me wrong, I love me my gays, but that accent SLAYS me. Seriously. He doesn’t judge, only mentors, blah blah blah.

Next challenge – the models have pictures of a celeb, and they want hair like said celeb. The catch? They’re all cartoon characters. Yeah, I wish I were kidding, but I’m not – its all there from Marge Simpson to Wilma Flinstone to totally 80s Jem. This aughta be good. They’re competing for immunity, and to stay on the show, of course. There’s at least one hair model giving someone pains, because she doesn’t want something outrageous. Maybe she shouldn’t be a hair model then.. She’s giving Nicole fits because she won’t let her color her hair, but settles for Jem-esque highlights.

A lot of smack talk and color later, it’s time for the Hair Show, which is a lot like the gun show, only not. Hah. Want to see the hair? Here ya go – after the cut!

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It’s Celebrity Circus time and tonight we are promised the most dangerous act ever attempted on the high wire – will it live up to the hype? Joey Fatone says it will. Last week, Stacy was on the top and WeeMan was at the bottom of the leaderboard – who goes home tonight? Stacy Dash, Rachael Hunter and Christopher Knight are safe, as is WeeMan – which puts Antonio Sabato Jr (2nd highest judges score) and Janet Evans in the bottom two. Well then.

Christopher Knight is on the Trapeze Bungee, which is his first acrobatic event since he broke his arm. He says he’s tired of using his arm as an excuse and works really hard. He performs with two acrobts who put him through his paces and he totally rocks it! The judges loved it too, they’ve been waiting for acrobats and give him glowing praise – except for louis who says he wasn’t as good as Stacy and he wasn’t impressed. Judges score: 9, 9, 6 – for an average 8.

Who’s doing the most dangerous act in Circus History? Rachael Hunter. Huh. Didn’t see that one coming…

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And then there were two… we’re down to Brooke and Christa who are told that since Matt has to work the farm all morning, they get to play life for a day and do chores. He gives them each a list, and sends them off. What does a country wife do? Apparently, catch chicken, pick up car parts, grocery shopping, trips to the taxidermist, tractor parts, horsefeed and picking up pies. Yum.

Christa makes things awkward at the local store by asking for condoms while buying some ugly sunglasses for Matt, then continues the trend by getting horse feed for “pleasure horses because who doesn’t love pleasure?” Ok then. Christa makes it back first, to find MAtt waiting with lunch, while Brooke is trapped by the passing train, but gets points for getting the right part though she hadn’t been told which one to get by Matt.

Each girl gets a private one on one date – and Brooke only gets 30 minutes to get ready. Matt takes her out four-wheeling because he sees her as more the outdoorsey type – good call, as they get all smoochy and loveydovy even though Brooke doesn’t tell him she loves him.

Christa has had 4 hours to get ready, and is picked up on a horse-drawn carriage and Brook instantly thinks she’s blown it and it’s all over and she’s pretty upset. Christa is taken to Matt’s house, where they have dinner and she makes 80293483 references to how nice a ring would look on her finger. OK, it was only one, but COME ON, doesn’t she know better? Really? They make out, and he takes her back where she promptly tells Brooke they made out and Brooke is even more convinced she’s toast.

The next day the girls get all dressed up and the whole town shows up outside. Matt tells makes a rather awkward little speech (including saying “Christa is ready to do it anytime” which isn’t what he meant at all, but is actually a completely real representation of the Christa we’ve come to know..) and lets them know a crop duster will fly by with the banner that declares his love for the winner, and who he’s picked as his wife.

The women are about to cry, Brooke looks like she wants to throw up, and the banner comes around and it’s BROOKE! Nice job editing team – I totally thought it’d be Christa! But nope, it’s Brooke and after a tearful goodbye to Christa, she and Matt ride off into the sunset on that red tractor.

Buddy TV reports that Brooke and Matt are still together, that they haven’t been able to be seen in public this whole time so aren’t getting married tomorrow or anything. Brooke is moving out there to be near him in a few days, and they’ll date and see where it takes them. Congrats and best wishes, Matt and Brooke!

Last nights show was full of awesomeness as the couples stepped it up once again! There were a few misses, too, but that’s why we love it so, right? Right! Each of the couples told us something, some little secret about their partners, and it was all kinds of cute.

“Twitchington” – Kherington and Twitch were back with Hip hop, and it started off the show with a bang! It was funny, it was good, and Kherington stepped it up to match Twitch and it was just fun to watch! The judges loved it all the way around, and so did I!
(watch the vids while you can – you know they tend to disappear!)

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Aka – just another day in the Kitchen of Gordon Ramsay. Jen’s gone, and everyone is giddy and happy to have seen the end of her. We’re down to the best of the best, and they are in for a surprise. Ramsay has flown in their families for a meal, and there’s loads of tears and squeals of joy. Ramsay personally whips up a meal for everyone, but doesn’t bother to tell the distracted chefs that they should be paying attention as that meal is part of a challenge. After they they’ve eaten, he tells them to recreate the meal with only a sample to taste and no other hints at all. Christina is the only one to think there will be more to it, and tells her parents there’s always a twist and she and her parents talk about the dish and what is in it. Her mother says cream in the sauce, Christina says egg yolks, her mother says cream.

They find out about the challenge, and they are off to try and recreate it within 45 minutes. Petrozza and Christina pick venison, while Corey selects Buffalo. Christina makes white bean puree, Corey goes with parsnip puree, and Petrozza forgets it completely. They all go for red wine reduction, and they get their dishes down just in time. Corey’s sauce is perfect – but used the wrong meat, Christina should have listened to her mother because there was cream in there, and Petrozza forgot the puree. In the end, though, Christina wins out because she remembered the puree – else Petrozza would have won. For her reward, she and her family dine out with Ramsay, while the other two break down blocks of ice.

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