The Adventure Begins…

Boy are ya’ll all demanding and shit. *L* Alright, alright. I’ll get started – BEFORE doing my work and everything. How’s THAT for love?

Day One – after getting up and getting the rugrats to school, making sure my exhaustive ‘what to do if…’ list was completed and handed out to appropriate parties, making sure there was cash brandied about to further bribe my family to take care of my kids, seeing if I could lift my baggage (yes, but thank goodness for the wheels that negated that need), grabbing and rereading my ticket confirmation number, and counting my spending money, cuddling the furry kids, etc… after all of that, and Nana’s call to see if I was ready (Yes! no, wait, yes, ok, maybe, YES!) – she picked me up and dropped my behind off at the airport here in Kenai. There, the lovely lady checked me through all the way to LAX, so I wouldn’t have to hit any other counters, just waltz right through security (assuming I didn’t get SHOT for having one container with 3.1 oz of hair goop in it..) to the gates, to the planes, and to my vacation.

It really was ALMOST that easy.

Being the woman of size that I am (Read: fatass!) I needed a seatbelt extension. No surprise there. I was wearing all black though, for it’s additional slimming properties so as to avoid someone going “AH! FATASS! BUY ANOTHER SEAT!” which, thankfully, no one did. Cuz hello – SPENDING MONEY! (grin). Anyway, on the teeny tiny plane from Kenai to Anchorage, I mistakenly sat in the exit row. Now, I have no problem with that, and the cutie patootie co-pilot had no problem with that either after handing me my extension and making sure i felt I could handle the emergency exit. Meanwhile, the official transporting the kid in shackles behind me told his charge “I tell you what I tell everyone I transfer. This is the key to your shackles. If we go down, I’m throwing this to you, and hauling ASS outa wherever we land. Every man for himself!” Niiiiiiiiiice…..

Fortunately, we landed safely, with the kid still shackled, and no need for me to act upon my sacred duties of Emergency Exit Expert. I take full credit, as I stared at the wing the WHOLE WAY to make sure it stayed attached to the tiny plane. I doubt my counterpart on the other side was as diligent, but we made it safely so I won’t complain.

At some point though, I did think I’d lost my cell phone from my bra. That would have sucked. I found it though, so everything was a-ok. As I exited the teeny tiny plane, the co-pilot sheepishly pulled me aside and said “I…kinda got in trouble. I guess I shouldn’t a let ya sit in the EExit row, cuz of the extension. Guess it could get caught in someone’s feet as they moved by or something. Now _I_ didn’t care, but they do, so just so ya know and everything and well, welcome to Anchorage?” I assured the young man that it was just fine, and we had a good laugh. Specially me, as I was thinking that it’d be funny to trip up someone with my extensions so that I could squeeze out first. Maybe that transporter dude – give the kid in shackles a fighting chance and all…

So I walked with the lady with bad knees, to make sure she made it inside the airport without being run over or anything, and then it was on to security and the OH SO LOVELY espresso stand just beyond it…

Security went without a hitch, me an’ scooter got through just fine. I got my coffee and a muffin, and found my gate, and settled in to find the free wi-fi and bum around online while waiting for my flight. Fortunately, I decided to check and make sure I was at the right gate about 40 minutes before boarding time (as the lovely Lady in Kenai had checked them all for me) and discovered that they had changed gates, at some point while I was in the teeny tiny plane. Well. Won’t make THAT mistake again! So, I gathered Scooter and hiked back to the first gate from gate 10 and confirmed with an agent that THIS was the correct one, and all was good with the world.

So, I finished my coffee, went to pee, read some, and finally answered the boarding call. I was sat next to this poor Skinny guy who was very nice, and even laughed at my jokes. I told him that it was ok to push me over if I got too close, and he assured me I was fine. We chatted, then he slept and ate, and I read my book, and we made it without incident from Anchorage to Seattle.

In Seattle, I hit the bathroom, the coffee shop, and found my gate (double checked this time!) and called to check in with the folks at home. Once on the flight I was delighted to discover I had a whole row to myself, which meant no arm rest biting into my copious amounts of hip and thigh, and the ability to turn around and put my feet up and read in comfort. The trip passed without incident, and with a giggling flight crew that had ENTIRELY too much fun for the whole trip.

Now, this next part requires a little bit of background story before you get this – and other references too. Every single trip alone out to CA, I have been hit on by BBM. That’s Big Black Men, of course. It’s usually a comment, sometimes a conversation, and the first time a proposal for the man’s brother, because he ‘needed a good woman, an’ baby, i can tell yous a good woman!’ You might think I’m kidding, but I’m so not. *L* At GayDays in Disneyland, a beautifully flamboyant black gay man decided I was funny, and he wanted to be my sugar daddy. This, coupled with all the lapdances from gaiboys I was getting, had TBF staring in shock most of the weekend. So – with all that in mind… I give you THIS trip:

I called my DramaMama from the plane, and let her know I was on my way to baggage claim and would meet her there. I found her as I rounded the corner, calling out “Anyone looking for their DRAMAMAMA?” which made me LOL, of course. After a hug, and finding my bag (easy because of the hot pink duct tape markers, of course), we headed outside and to the car.

I had BARELY set foot outside of the door when I heard “Slooooooooow down, beautiful!” I looked up and to my left where the voice came from, and sho’ nuff, there stands a BBM with a wide grin, giving me the once over. I said “Well hello there!” and he said “You have a mighty fine stay with us, ma’am.” and I said “God, I sure do LOVE LA….” and was rewarded with another grin, as I walked off with DramaMama, to the car. I of course related my previous experiences with BBM and she was in stitches by the time we got to the car.

So – safely in LA – check.
Found Drama Mama – check.
Hit on by BBM – check.
Discovered the drama my DramaMama was involved in for the day – check.
Loving LA and my vacation already? CheckCheckCHECK!

Loving the fact that I could see the Hollywood sign from DM’s balcony? Check.

Stay tuned – more fun to be written about in a bit…..