Dear Visa check card services,

While I appreciate your diligence in tracking my card to protect my two dollars and fifty cents left in my checking account, do you have to be SO diligent as to wake me up not once, but TWICE this morning to verify purchases? I realize that on the East Coast you get up at godawful times but waking me just before 8am and expecting me to be coherent enough to remember exactly how much I spent and where in the past five days at the blink of my sleep-swollen and desperate to stay closed eyes… well, it’s a little much. And also? Repeating them 15 times while I’m waiting for my computer to boot so that I can check on them Does. Not. Help. And also, that little deep sigh of exasparation when I finally realized WHICH account you were talking about and that I was thinking it was the other one which is what caused most of my confusion? I heard it. Was that really needed? Do I need to say AGAIN that you woke me up?

And sir, you of the second caller, and a MUCH nicer tone of voice, if you know that Amazon tends to break up orders and then charge smaller amounts many times in a row, why did it you not think of that when you received three hits in a row from Amazon this morning – instead of calling me a second time, after I’d already bleerily explained to your co-worker two hours before, to check again? Do you not know what time of year it is?

Again, I appreciate your diligence. I will appreciate it even more, next time, if you call me after noon – MY time.

Sincerely,
a tired lessa

PS. That fucking hold music has GOT TO GO. It’s enough to make someone consider strangling someone with the phone cord. If, you know, it weren’t a cordless. And, you know, you were in reach. And also if, you know, they were grumpy and easily annoyed in the morning. Good thing those first two got you off, huh?

~~~

Dear Amazon,

For the love of god, PUT IT ALL ON ONE CHECK. Thank you.

grouchily sincere,
Lessa