The Leaning Tower of Pizza

Any parent of a teen knows that the hardest part of raising teenagers has nothing to do with the sex talks and the video games and the rebellious spirits and the bad grades and the desperately needed naps. No, the hardest part of raising a teen is keeping them FED. And when I say keeping my teens fed, I really mean my teens, their younger sister, and ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.

Do you have ANY idea how much teenagers EAT?

The most surprising thing I’ve learned, however, is that feeding teenage girls is ENTIRELY different then feeding teenage boys. With boys, especially with boys that have driver’s licenses and jobs, they simply go to the store and pick up frozen pizzas in a variety of flavors, use the oven (thus heating the whole house – added benefit here in AK!) scarf the spoils of their labors, and leave the pizza boxes on the counter. See the picture to the left – and yes, that is a plate of crusts there in the middle somewhere. That is two nights worth of pizza runs, sure, but still, that’s a LOTTA pizza. Some of our boys are BIG boys, and as we’ve come to expect, the youngest of the group is the biggest of the group! We got a couple of linebackers, and a couple of running backs – none of whom play any sport at all, naturally. The football coaches at the high school have been trying for three years now, without luck.

Boys are easy. It has to follow a couple simple rules – be fast, involve no real prep time, and be eaten immediately. If it takes longer then 2 minutes, then it only works if they can convince the girl to do the actual work. (See: Pizzas.) It also has to involve minimal cleanup. Because they’re not going to do that either, until threatened with bodily harm.

And then there’s the girls. Girls are a completely different animal, and it doesn’t start at teenager, it starts really around age 11 or so. The difference with girls is that they will MAKE something to eat. They don’t mind putting the effort in for a bigger reward, and will actually cook something. This means that NOTHING IN THE PANTRY IS SAFE! If they can conceive it, they will make and eat it. Yes, it boggles the mind, but Teenage girls EAT MORE and better when compared to the simplicity of the boys.

They are also a little more creative when giving a shopping list. For the girl’s last birthday party, the following is what was requested for to fill out their snack table:

Something…
Sweet
Salty
Crunchy
Sour
Chewy
Cold
Fizzy
Chocolate

Can you decipher that? It’s really quite easy. Chips covers both crunchy and salty, Sweet is a variety of hard candies, sour and chewy is covered by sour gummi worms, cold means ice cream, fizzy means soda, and Chocolate means, of course, Chocolate, the more the better.

Then, they raid the pantry, and several of these items are added to or accompany sandwiches, cakes, pasta, etc. They get quite creative, the girls, and there is MUCH giggling. And much cleanup – which is where they side completely with the boys. They won’t touch it, unless threatened with physical harm.

Or the withholding of chocolate. Rule number one in the feeding and care of Teenagers – ALWAYS save the best snacks for bartering and bribing in order to get the dishes done. Or to eat in front of them when they’re too busy groaning at how full they are because they ate too much. MUHAHAHAHA!