IDK, my BFF Jill?

Alright. I’m not gonna lie. The best part about giving my teenagers cell phones has nothing to do with the fact that I can check in randomly and see if they’re behaving, or that they can let me know right off the bat if plans change. No, the best part about giving my teenagers cell phones, is the threat.

I gave it to them, I can take it away.
A lot like that oh so important thing called “life”.

You see, while my son loves his phone, he could live without it and knows that. My daughter though – oh she is connected to her phone by an umbilical cord of desperate need. She MUST have her phone. She MUST have the ability to text. She’ll simply DIE without it, because OMG WHAT IF SOMEONE FORWARDS A MESSAGE AND SHE BREAKS THE CHAIN?!

Inorite?! She’ll NEVER get kissed at if THAT happens!

This, as you can imagine, has become a very, very important bargaining tool.

Me: Hey, go start that load of laundry, will ya?
Her: Uh, no?
Me: Uh, lemme see your cell for a minute…
Her: FINE, mom. (stomps off to start said laundry.)

Isn’t that beautiful? It works for loading the dishwasher, letting the dog in and out, cleaning up her room, going to pick up something from her aunt’s house, and even being nice to her sister sometimes, though that one still needs a little work. Another cell phone related ploy that works? “Boy, it sure would suck if your brother could talk to your BFF – also his girlfriend – on HIS phone, and YOU couldn’t…”

It has also proved to be an amazing alarm clock for the kid, saving my voice box. The Girl decided that people should record their ring tones for her, and asked for a wake up alarm from me. I gave it to her – in the loud piercing voice that usually is reserved for the 18th OMG YOU ARE LATE GET UP wake up call of the morning. Now, at 6:30am, it never fails to make me laugh to hear my voice from her room repeating “Get the fuck up NOOOOOW!”

Even better? I then hear of it repeating across town, as that ring tone has been passed around to all of the teenagers, even the ones who’s mom’s are of the ‘wake them gently’ persuasion.

Maybe that’s why they’re all using the lovely “Bitch stop calling me!” ring tone for my calls…

Of course, it also allows phone calls like this when she checks in after school:
Her: Mom! I’m going home with MK today, just in case you forgot.
Me: Ok. I remembered. Have fun!
Her: Yeah, so your boyfriend can stay a little longer!
Me: Yay!
Her: Have happy sex, mom! Bye!
Me: (Cracks UP) Behave. Bye!

Don’t you wish you had MY kids?!
(And for the record – I have no boyfriend. Just in case you were wondering. Heh!)