Life with PepperMist
I’m the first to admit that when it comes to my kids? I got DAMN lucky. They’re mostly good kids, and I actually ENJOY hanging out with them, most of the time. I’d like to take all the credit, but I’m not sure if I can – I just know that as their Mother it’s my right to do so. Hee.
Life with PepperMist, my 14 year old, is a never ending session of snarky fun and laughter and many, many days where I just shake my head and wonder. As amusing as I like to think I am, I couldn’t have possibly been as funny as my middle child.
For instance – here’s a few of the conversations we’ve had lately:
PepperMist: Don’t throw that fork at me!
Me: (tosses – laughing) You’ve been FORKED!
PM: AHH!
Me: (tosses more) And Spooned! And CANNED! And you DESERVE it!
PM: No! It wasn’t me! (grabs an empty picture frame) I’ve been FRAMED!
Me: … you win.
PepperMist: So, I have this theory…
Me: Uh oh…
PM: They say you are what you eat, right?
Me: Sure…
PM: Well if THAT’s true, than aren’t we all cannibals?
Me: …wha?!
PM: Because I am a people, my friends are people, you I’m not so sure about, your an anomaly – but if to become a people we must eat people, by definition we are cannibals.
Me: … you win.
PepperMist: So, my teacher asked me today HOW to tell the difference between informal and formal speech. I told him it was easy.
Me: Oh? Do tell…
PM: (takes on a very bad British accent) If it makes you want to read like this, then, good sir, it is most obviously and positively Formal Speech!
Me: … absolutely.
Peppermist: (reading over my shoulder) Who’s Mindy?
Me: A friend.
PM: You haven’t mentioned her much yet, she must be a NEW imaginary friend!
Me: She wears a white coat, and is coming to take you away!
PM: to DISNEYLAND? the happiest place on EARTH?
Me: uh. no?
PM: WAIT! Is she a serial killer? because if she’s coming to take me away, I really don’t think I could go with someone that Kills Cereal. I love my fruit loops too much!
Me: …
PepperMist: My hatred of feet has risen to a new level!
Me: …oh?
PM: Yes. My Anti-Foot Fetish is so bad that I’m going to CONVERT TO THE METRIC SYSTEM!
Me: …
PepperMist: I have decided that I am a Zombie! BRAAAAAAAINS. I’m gonna eat your BRAAAAA…wait. Sorry, forgot about your “condition”
Me: Excuse me?
PM: (HEAVESIGH) Blond Brainlessness. Absolutely NO NUTRIENTS there.
Me: … Poor child. Just remember the Zombified apple does not fall far from the tree…
Me to Mindy: Not a court in the world would convict me.
Mindy: She’s a Zombie. You can’t get in trouble for killing the undead.
Me: GOOD POINT!
PepperMist: Noooooooooooooo! I’m meeeeeltinggggg!
Me: That’d be the wicked witch, not a zombie.
PepperMist: Oh, in that case, YOU’RE meeeeeeelllllllllltinnnnnng!
Me: …
Now, don’t you wish you lived at MY house?
