Friday fritterings

So I was just randomly surfing today and came across someone’s blog whome I won’t link because, well, she irritated the piss out of me and that’s my punishment. hah! She’ll never know I was there, I’m just some random GCI customer who wandered her direction from dykewrite – haHAH I say!

erm. What was I saying agian?

Oh yeah.

Anyway! It wasn’t so much that I disagreed with what she said (I did) but the whole delivery was a bunch of condenscending bullshit. It was irritating, but in that semi-amused “good god, get a life” kind of way. The one big thing that jumped out at me was her constant beating into the bush that Work is not fun. It’s Work and as such should be treated with respect and no just anyone can do her job that she works at day and night and that doing things like partisicpating in fun diversions is a mockery of how hard she works while she struggles for years to be recognized…

Have you figured out what she does yet? No? Well here ya go – She’s a writer. And the sorce of her ire? NaNoWriMo.

Now I can’t say she’s alone in her opinion because I’ve seen it before – notably from a publisher who was worried she’d get some influx of sucky novels that were 50k in length that she’d have to turn down because of the quantity vs. quality aspect of the whole ordeal. There have been others too, but all in all I have to agree with the main rebuttle that seems to only infuriate them farther:

It’s fun dammit! I had fun doing it!

Now sure – there’s a lot of people who wrote complete and utter bullshit. I might have been one of them, though my readers seemed to disagree. To be honest, the fact that I had 5-10 people reading, and every one of them had good things to say and loved the story? Just for that, and that alone, it was a success for me. Not only did I prove to myself that I could write 50k words in 30 days, I proved I could write a full coherent story that was worth reading in 50k and 30 days.

That’s some kind of accomplishment.

But let’s go back to the work aspect. Who says that you cannot enjoy your job? Why the hell do you do something day in and day out that you so clearly hate? Sure, to write a decent novel takes talent which she claims to have. What she has is a blog of short stories that she writes by request, and a – say it with me – “Novel in progress”. Granted I didn’t read any of said stories, because her style of writing in her journal turned me off. Just my personal preference, there. When you write a story, your voice will shine through, and her voice just isn’t one I’d care to listen too.

But I’m digressing again.

Why, on earth, would you choose a career that you so clearly hate? She claims she loves to write when its going well but then in the same sentense clarifies again that it’s not any fun at all. I’m sorry, but I have to enjoy something to love it and to what to spend all my time doing it. That’s part of the reason that I agreed to go to Art School when it was brought up that I should look into it. Because it is something I love to do. It’s work, certainly, it’s not always easy, but never once have I said when designing a website, or a image, a poster, whatever that it was work and thus not any fun at all! Even when frustrated I still love the feeling of accomplishment when I finish it.

When I told the Asshole I was doing nano, his reply was “What, so now you’re a writer?” said with some level of disdain. I just said “no, I’m someone who’s working towards a goal.” Now, looking back at the story I accomplished…. Yes. I’m a writer. I’m not primarily a writer, and it’s not my job. I’m one of the “hobbiests” she spewed such Ire against. But that’s ok – because I’m not saying that she can’t write because I do. Nothing I write will ever detract from what she does, and if I write something publishable, then that’s icing on the cake.

I write because it’s fun.
I write because it’s harder to not write.

And when I have a story to tell, and I know where it’s going, and it starts to flow, as DwaHo did, and it’s a smooth one way trip through beginning to end – I only needed the push of a deadline to see myself through it…. it was fun and I enjoyed every moment of it. Even when I cried, even when I laughed hysterically with D as we raced for word count, even when I was so high on caffiene that I knew the crash could kill me – it was more then fun, it was… exhillerating and liberating.

She says that such hobbiests will never amount to anything aside maybe a collumist – right on! Dave Barry is a collumnist. He’s rich. I could deal with that. Who says there’s anything wrong with that at all? To each their own, and I wish her much success. She’ll never get -my- money, but I wish her success none the less. And while she struggles through her work I’ll be over here designing, and writing, and living. Oh. and having fun doing it.

So neener.

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IN other news. *L* Something struck me last night while I was talking to D again. Ever since he and I had a rant session a few weeks ago, I feel stronger.

no.

I feel stronger.

That’s better and more like the feeling. It’s not so much that I was ranting with D, it’s not really a lot of what we ranted about, its the fact that for once, I spouted my opinion off at someone who doesn’t have to like me, or what I do, or what I say, or who I am, or what I’m about because they’re family, or TBF (yes, I know TBF regularly kicks me in the ass, but this was… different somehow. I’m not sure I can explain the difference, it’s just there.) And he didn’t run away. In fact, he cheered. And he’s not someone that I’d count as more then just a friend, an aquaintence, as someone who doesn’t think my name or about me unless my names there online and he needs someone to rant with. It’s just a casual friendship, nothing deep or intense.

And he didn’t run away.
He cheered.
He encouraged and pushed me to further explode.

I thanked him for it last night and he just pshawed and changed the subject. That was cool too.

In the course of our conversation, it came out like this:

[02:17] me: Oddly enough though? since our rant session couple weeks ago where I got all ballsy and shit and talked about rocking the design world? I’ve been a lot more… dunno. tough.

[02:17] me: I’ve been working up to that for a while though.. but I think that was kinda a turning point. the -not only am I good enough – in ways i’m BETTER and some people just don’t fucking deserve me – moment.

[02:18] D: *dies* rock on.

[02:18] D: and i think you are tougher.

That meant a lot, knowing what we’d gone into for the conversation. It meant a lot that someone else noticed that I’m doing better, that I’m pulling out, and that I can do this.

On my own.

There are people who are here, and who help by being here, but hearing the same opinion offered by someone who doesn’t have to feel that way say so? Felt good. Damn good. Not ‘have to have him hold me in high opinion” good, but just. Warm fuzzy good. If you understand my meaning and all.

And for the record here’s part of the rant from a few weeks ago:

[01:51] me: why do you think I’ve worked SO FUCKING HARd to get this degree?

[01:51] me: lets not even mention that it’s taken me till i’m34 freaking years old to get my degree.

[01:51] Me: but its the first thing thats MINE.

[01:52] Me: even if TBF was the one who drug me kicking and screaming to the school.

[01:52] Me: it’s mine.

[01:52] Me: its MY 3 point fucking 9 GPA too. So he is NOT better then me. We have different styles. and my GPA proves I’m every fucking bit as good. *smirk*
(edit – this – and below – is not meant to suggest that he pushes or says that he is better then me, but rather alludes to the fact I’ve always believed that he is and that I could never measure up – just to clarify. this wasn’t an ‘TBF is an Asshole’ rant… it was an all about me rant. In fact, he’s always been supportive and I couldn’t have gone through this without said support. /edit)

[01:54] Me: and its’ taken me TWO YEARS to be able to say that.

[01:54] Me: I’m every. fucking. bit. as good. as he.

[01:54] Me: and I came from NO ARTISTIC BACKGROUND at all.

[01:54] Me: he’s been an artist all his life.

[01:54] Me: I never even drew a picture. didnt like to color. nothing.

[01:54] Me: And I. am. fucking GOOD at what I do.

[01:57] Me: I still suck at the by hand stuff, but I’m learning. I just don’t enjoy it as much. But gimme photoshop and an idea and I’m gonna rock your fucking world.

[01:57] Me: I have good instincts. I can talk to someone – read an email, whatever, and get a feel enough to KNOW what they’ll like, what will work for them.

[01:58] Me: I can pull together a complete and finished site in less then a week.

[01:58] Me: longer if it needs like storefronts or something because I haven’t dealt with those yet – but basic design? in my fucking sleep.

[01:59] Me: *ahem. lets you catch up and quits tooting my own horn. heeeeh*

[02:08] D: whoaaa…

[02:09] D: *scroll*

[02:09] Me: (heh. sorry)

[02:09] D: and no shit, you are every bit as good.

[02:09] D: “But gimme photoshop and an idea and I’m gonna rock your fucking world.” *LOL*

[02:09] D: YOU GO, GIRL!

Now ain’t that one fucking kinda break through? I thought so too. I’ve always been of the “i’m not as good as “insert name here – could be anyone, depends on the conversation but there’s always at least one” and I’ll never been good enough” train of thought. But after that… I just kind of sat there and stared at the screen for a while, and relized i meant it. And I’ve been riding high for the past couple weeks because I recognized it for what it is. It’s an admission that I know that I’m damn good at what I do.

And more then that? it’s still fun too!

So there. *L* Now, off for lunch before the pup gnaws off my ankle. *L*