randomosity

Taking a break from physics, taking a break from everything and thought I’d toss a bit of random thoughts this way. Since I can’t manage to put them all into anything coherent anyway… *L*

My archives are still all funky and fucked up because when I changed servers I didn’t bring over the other two blogs I had that I no longer used. Therefore, the numbering sequence is all fucked up and well. Makes things insteresting for viewing recent entries doesn’t it? S’all good. I don’t give a fuck. Eventually I’ll be all caught up number wise again and it’ll work out allright.

I’m annoyed. I told someone to fuck off yesterday and I can’t figure out if I did it because she was right or if I did it because she was wrong. If she was right I was just not in the mindset to say ok, that’s your opinion, but lets look at itmy way…. if she was wrong then I was justified in telling her to fuck off anyway because she don’t know me – no one really does anymore.
Not even me.

On the otherside of the coin I’m estatically giddy *L* Friend from Sweden called me today just to say hello and put a voice with the words he always sees on screen. Talk about a cute ass accent! *melt* talked for about 20 minutes and he’s going to call again next week because there’s still time left on his calling card…. which he bought JUST to call me. I tell you – I feel damn special. He might come up and visit me this summer too, how cool is that?

Dammit. School’s out. Now the kids are home all the time. I’m gona throttle them all before the summers out I know it. heh.

Little league season again! Not enough girls signed up to have a whole Softball league, so the coach pitch kids have gone co-ed for the year. This is cool with the girl since her team is all girls anyway. *L* She’s having fun, getting some real nice hits and generally having a great time. The boy is a second year major this year, and though there have been some rough spots with attitude due to a coaching change and his general upset over the situation at school (he was to do summer school, but they wouldn’t pay for a teacher to teach him and the one other kid signed up so he’s doing summer school with mom. poor kid) and this puberty bullshit…. other then all THAT – he’s having a good time. No real major hits, but its coming… he’s had a couple foul balls that if he just straightened them out….. it’s coming. His big improvement this year, however is ‘playing the bounce’ which is when he can’t make it to catch the pop fly, letting it bounce and scooping it up then. Last year he couldn’t – this year he’s made some awesome scoops. *Grin* Several road trips for him this year, lots in Soldotna and even a Homer game! Gonna be fun.

Schools going alright. Physics this session, as well as Ethics. The first is a pain in the ass, the second is filled with a bunch of kids without a clue about the real world. *shakes head* as well as couple genuinely STUPID people. Some people you just CAN’T teach. You’d think by third year classes they would have weeded these idiots out. Unfortunately, not.

Money’s tight. Need to sell the damn van, but no takers so far. *Sigh*

Ever wonder why you keep trying? Ever wonder why you continue to put so much effort into something that is worth it to you, thuogh doesn’t seem to be worth it at all to other people? I’m there. I’m so tired of putting heart and soul into things and constantly being stepped on. So I’m backing off again and I’m ignoring a lotta stuff and doing my damndest to make it seem like I don’t give a shit. I still do – but *shrugs* it’s getting me no where. Perhaps if I continue to pretend shit doesn’t bother me, it’ll just eventually not bother me. Hell, nothing I do is right anyway. Hasn’t been for years. Dunno why they even bother – why I even bother. Not sure if anything is worth it anymore.

And when the hell did I get fatter then my mother? I hate pictures. I hate that it creeps up on you and suddenly you realize that you’ve gained a significant amount of weight. again. I hate it when the asshole keeps pointing out that he’s dropped 45 pounds in 2 months. Specially because he litterally just quit eating. *smirks* I do that and just keep gaining. And his doctors a fucking quack – he told him he’d quit eating and the guy just said ‘no worries, you’re not too thin yet.’ what kinda doctor is THAT? I really hate skinny bitches who whine about getting ‘flabby’ and having to loose 5 pounds or they’re simply gonna DIE because they’re too fat. I say we shoot them now, save them the misery of being a size 8. *smirk*

Work is good but I need more of it. Extra cashflow is a must right now.

Realized the other day that not only have I not written anything in here, but I’ve been really lacking in writing all together. Lost the inspiration, and even in play I feel i can no longer keep up. There’s nothing there, no feeling of storytelling, jsut a feeling of trying to hang on…. the gut reactions are all wrong lately and I used to be able to rely on instinct…. where’d that instinct go? buried somewhere…. never to be seen again most likely. Fuck. I hate that too. *smirks*

I dunno really. I’m in limbo again and not sure which way to turn. So. I’m going to turn back to homework, then to a job I need to finish by monday. Sounds like a plan, huh? It’s the only one I got, so we’ll go with it.