FWAW: Do they pee on a stick?
FINALLY it’s here! The girls have been asking me for weeks “is it the cow episode yet, is it mom? But WHEN will it be the COW EPISODE?” and finally, last night, it was the cow episode we’d seen on previews. (Yes, we’re a fan of Dirty Jobs, too. Why do you ask?!) Anyway, this episode, the girls are going to try and impress the town by doing a talent show. Nice. Before that, though, Matt surprises them with a spa day, from a bunch of Dolly Parton wanna be’s that make the girls a little nervous with their side ponytails and poofy hair. But they submit to the mani, pedi and hairdos willingly enough.
The girls then practice their ‘talents’ – Amanda sings, Brooke teaches the Electric Slide, Kanisha hola hoops, Christa decides to go for humor with a 7th inning stretch and Ashley starts with humor that falls flat then fakes a magic trick. Then the girls pull together a group son – Old Matt Had A Farm, that they managed to pull together even after Kanisha’s snitfit during the planning stages. Everyone does alright, the cheese factor is high, and Brooke comes out on top for teaching the town the Electric Slide, which the rest of the world has known since 1988. But whatever.
So Brooke is sitting pretty, and the next day Matt takes all the girls out for a pig roast. Amanda is upset that the pig still has it’s face, while Kanisha is insistant that she wants to chew on the pigs ear – Matt walks away and can’t watch. Hah. Smores, snuck kisses, and a heartfelt beg to get a one on one date, truth or dare where Ashley puts Matt on the spot again and demands to know if she’s going home – and everything is ripe for tomorrow’s elimination ceremony.
That involves cows. Pregnant cows. That can’t pee on a stick, so you have to wear a glove, lube up, stick your hand up their bum and see if you feel a calf. Nice. Brooke is really glad she’s sitting pretty now! It’s no real surprise when the editing crew makes sure everytime Kanisha opens her mouth to squeel a cow moos instead, nor is it a surprise when Ashley discovers her cow isn’t pregnant and she, and her poop covered arm, is eliminated. That was officially the BEST ELIMINATION CEREMONY EVER.
Brooke is finally rewarded with a one on one date, and they go out on the lake to drink and share and answer questions. Matt asks why she’s not been affectionate, which means she has to kiss up on him and prove she’s there for him. Matt may be a bit of a player underneath his shy exterior, methinks. Brooke goes back to the house all giggly and girly and tells the girls that she had a fab time, which means the girls then get busy plotting her demise. Naturally. They keep this up and Kanisha will be the only one left, and if she ends up with Matt I may have to lose faith in Reality TV forever. Because… ew.
Anyway, we’re now down to four! Who will steal Matt’s heart and life the Farmer’s life as the Farmer’s wife?
Celebrity Circus! Premiere
Is it just me or is Joey Fatone the perfect Ringmaster for this event? Campy and overly dramatic and looks pretty dapper in the traditional over the top suit, right? Right. Anyway, I admit I had to watch the show this morning online because there are two many shows and not enough DVR space to go around at my house. So the celebs have been training for 8 weeks to learn five tricks (usually one stunt takes a year or more to learn), and are now gonna show us their stuff – there’s already been broken ribs, a broken arm, and other injuries but they’re still here and trying.
And Antonio Sabato Jr is shirtless and wearing eyeliner and I fall in love a little with him all over again. Awwwwww.
And he’s first up. His stunt is the the Flying Silks, where they there is no safety net, and they hold themselves up by wrapping themselves into the silk and he says its the hardest thing he’s ever done – and by the look of his face, I don’t think he’s lying at all. heh. And did I mention he’s shirtless? And wearing dramatic eyeliner? He even shares the sheets – er, silks – with a sexy scantily clad acrobat on occasion, and then a dual of sorts with another male acrobat, scoring him the woman once again… hawt! Judge Aurelia Cats agrees, as do Judges Mitch Gaylord and Louis someone who’s a choreographer, who all but licked his chest with his words. his score average is 7.7. Judges scores count for 50% and then America votes for their favorite for the other 50%.
Hell's Kitchen – Desperate Housewives kick Bobby to the curb
Believe it or not, Gordon Ramsey manages to teach everyone a dish without dropping a single f-bomb, or raising his voice. I know! I was shocked too! Everyone is in good spirits with the exit of miserly Matt, and have set their sights on Jen to be the next ousted, just knowing she’s going to cause more drama. Anyway, they learn how to make lobster spaghetti and surprises them by telling them that Hell’s Kitchen is now a cooking school. In saunters some of the most high maintenance women ever, straight out of the OC baby. They’re each assigned a sexy housewife falling out of her top, while Chef Ramsey offers to steam cook the little dog one of them brought into the kitchen. Heh.
So they teach the girls the same recipe, and Petrozza is all giddy and excited when he puts on his girls apron, causing Ramsey to shake his head and tsk with laughter. The chefs aren’t supposed to help, but Jen just can’t keep her fingers to herself and keeps taking over. Ramsey tastes all the dishes, and Christina is called the winner over a grumpy Corey. She gets to have lunch with Ramsey and two of LA’s top restaurateurs. Jen tries to eavesdrop on them while they’re cleaning while Corey continues to grump and figures that Christina will be all high and mighty when she gets back. She does drop a few names and terms and kinda acts just that when shedoes come back so guess Corey was right. Not that she’d be any different, right?
They’re told that tonight during service there will be a table of 12 – which will force them to work together as a team to pull it off. This, of course, is where everything goes downhill. Christina starts out rough with the appetizers, but finds her rhythm, while Bobby screws up at the meat station by serving up disgusting wellingtons and charred meat. Jen swears she didn’t put a dish at the station, but she’s the only one who culd have and Ramsey yells. The 12 top arrives and the girls, Corey and Christina pull off the appetizers by putting their differences aside and working together – GASP what a CONCEPT! Petrozza, Bobby and Jen try to survive the entrees, but Jen is too slow and serving raw fish, and Ramsey jumps in and takes over her station while Petrozza doesn’t communicate and Bobby lights meat on fire. Things are falling apart – but they manage to get a hold of it and complete service. Ramsey ain’t happy though. Course, when is he? He is impressed with Christina, and she’s handed the responsibility of nominating two for elimination.
When the time comes, Christina nominates Bobby and Jen, then says she wants Jen to go more and Ramsey turns around and sends Bobby packing instead. I wouldn’t want to work with Jen either, but apparently Ramsey sees more talent in her than he does in Bobby. So long, “black Gordon Ramsey”.
The Mole: Soccar and wheelbarrows!
I finally got the chance to sit down and watch this weeks episode of The Mole all the way through. I don’t know – the whole show just doesn’t speak to my Reality loving heart like most of the other’s do, but I’ll keep plugging away at it because I LIKE YOU. Yes, you. And you. But you over there in the corner? Well, ok, maybe you too. ANYWAY.
This week, the remaining 11 contestants gather with Jon Kelly at the bottom of a huge hill that makes me a little seasick looking at – Heights and me, we don’t so much get along, right? The players are split into two groups according to their outlook on life. Goal oriented folks, nine of them, are one team, while the two who think life is an uphill battle to be fought are the other team. Mark and Kristen are the uphill fighters and have to ride a bicycle built for two to the top of the hill. The others get to take a gondola ride (…omg do you know how much those SWING on the little CABLES that are all that’s between you and CERTAIN DEATH? I mean….) to the top after they score a goal in a soccer game against Chilean team. If Mark and Kristin get to the top first? No money in the pot. If the 9 soccer players make it first, they get to add $35k. It’s looking good for the 9 soccer players, right? Looks can be deceiving, as we all know.
Mark and Kristan take off, but the chain keeps falling off the bike. The soccer players think they have this in the bag when they find they’re competing against a children’s soccer team – until they start kicking their ass, and I start laughing at how shocked they are that they can’t compete with the kiddos. Hahaha! It takes them like 20 minutes to score a goal, and they had to do it on a penalty kick! Ali makes the score for them and they get their tickets, but have to search out the ride and they start bickering like… well, kids. Meanwhile, Mark and Kristen are running and pushing the bike instead of riding it. Halfway there, they get he chance of losing $5k and taking a cab the rest of the way, but Mark goes bitchy competitive and they continue to run. Maybe running up huge ass hills makes him cranky – it would make ME cranky, so yeah. In the end, though, his bitchy pushing gets them to the top first, and they are also exempt from the upcoming execution.
Enter paranoia, as everyone kinda gangs up on Bobby who says he just isn’t an athlete – my favorite line was something along the lines of ‘he’s either the perfect mole, or the worst player in history.’ because he sucks THAT badly. In fact, the next challenge, he sucked even MORE and ended up letting a GIRL push him in a wheelbarrow. Now that’s sexay. *snort*
Anyway – the group heads to a pig farm, and they have to find 50 piggy banks scattered around town. They return to the farm and slingshot them over into the field where Liz and Paul have to catch them in a blanket. Pigs in a Blanket. heh. Each pick that lands without breaking gets $1000 into the pot. Bobby gets winded and really – it would be WAY to obvious for him to be the mole, so could it be true he’s like the worst wussy girlyman ever seen on a competition?! Paul becomes convinced the pig they’re holding has something good in it, breaks it and finds the third exemption. Liz is annoyed.
The pig tossing commences and Alex goes all macho, until Craig steps in and takes over and they send pigs flying ending up with Paul and Liz catching 28 pigs. The pot now stands at $68k and no one is surprised that Bobby’s team didn’t bring back a single pig to toss. heh. Then Bobby discovers Alex’s journal just lying around, and figure it was a really stupid move. What they don’t know is that he did it on purpose to rouse suspicion. They take the quiz, and Liz is executed for not knowing enough about the mole.
After she leaves, they continue to pick on Bobby, with Paul leading the charge and Nicole tells Paul she could kill him in his sleep without leaving evidence. Nice. Next week – will Paul wake up safely? And is it way to obvious for Bobby to be the mole? Or does he really just suck THAT badly?
Time will tell.
