More on sex ed…
… in the “OMG you did NOT just say that!” category.
The Boy – my precious baby innocent 14 year old boy – was putting together the air freshener I got for over the catbox. He did it wrong the first time, so I, being female and mom and right said “Here’s the directions” And he replied with the following:
“I dont neeed no steenkin ‘rections! Well, I DO need E-rections, but not DE-rections… and of course not either of them right now, but at some point AAAHHH! MOM! I WAS TOTALLY KIDDING! STOOOOOOOOOOP AUGgarglegagthud”
The last part, of course, is where I killed him. You can’t blame me, right? I mean – seriously. he’s FOURTEEN and I WARNED HIM. Repeatedly.
Harumph.
—
(Alright you CES perfect mom society police – totally kidding on the killing part. Sheesh. Lighten up, will ya? It’s called a sense of humor! Get one! They’re all the rage, HONEST! Better then an E-rection even and it don’t need DE-rections either! Just a smile.)
Ahem.
It seems that people are determined to make me feel OLD today! Observe:
1. The Google ad down there is for adult diapers. Um. huh?
2. The boy came home, and reluctantly asked for homework help. Like so: “Mom! I have health homework, about that subject that NO ONE THERE wants to talk about and you always start with ‘I’LL KILL YOU!'”
Yes, the boy had to ask for help labeling and answering questions about the female and male anatomy. Heh. I’m not ashamed to admit that I had to look some things (male) online, or that I, knowing he was a little embarrassed, couldn’t resist making him laugh. “Dude, you know what the scrotum is. its the BALL SACK!” Cue embarrassed giggle. And rolling of the eyes. It amuses me to know that now every time his teacher says “scrotum”, he’ll hear “BALL SACK!”
And yes. It made me feel old. He don’t need to know all this stuff being my BABY and all, right? (SOB!)
(And yes – we already had “The talk” and yes, it started out with “I’LL KILL YOU!” heh.)
3. Nana is making plans for the big milestone birthdays she, Auntie and I have coming up in 2010. I’m all for the plan! but dude. Forty. ouch.
~~~
And yeah – the feeling old thing? Mostly from number two. *sniffle*
Guess what it’s been doing all night…
In lue of an actual post, I give you this:
Taken at the Girl’s band concert last night (Which was fab! She did well, and I will have to snag a copy of Nana’s picture of her on stage because I was videoing.) Same lamppost – one with flash, one without, both pretty cool.
Oh, and, this morning? I got my first Christmas Bonus Ever (for Lessa’s Design, anyway)! Cool!
And, in case you were wondering…
The Pup: THAT’s how it happens you know. Santa finds a Moose, and sprinkles it with Magic Dust. And then? Then the Moose turns into a Reindeer! And they know how to fly! SO THAT is how it happens and Santa’s sleigh can be pulled by Reindeer. We gotta find us some of that magic dust, mama! Cuz that moose that’s been hanging round here? Could be one of Santa’s Reindeer! Wouldn’t that be COOL?
—
…..Moose. Hrm. Well, hopefully not Purple ones, huh Nana ? Or is there something you’ve never told us….
I promise to be nice and not tell her about this just yet, though. After all – Santa’s watching! Heh.
Things that make ya go hmmmmm.
Aka – another post that’s all about randomosity!
— We have had our first (and second) casualty from the Tree. Sneaky little shits waited until I went to bed yesterday morning, then batted happily away until they broke one of my cheapo decorations. No great loss – but must step up the Kitten Training. Heh. Place your bets now…
— I find myself humming this morning. And randomly singing “It’s beginning to look a lot like CHRIStmas…” I’m finding it vaguely annoying. I blame lack of sleep – 2 hours or so – where the alarm rudely snapped me out of a lovely vague dream of some man dressed only in a red bow. Dammit.
— Why was I up so late? Whew. Seaaaarching and shoooooopping and comparing and beating my head against a wall, etc. You know, when the kids get bigger, the toys get smaller. You’d think this’d be good, but oh no! For some reason these smaller gifts are DIPPED IN SOLID GOLD. That’s the only reason to explain the prices!
However, through determination (sheer stubbornness, to be honest!) I managed to score something I think the boy and I can both live with (NO, it is NOT a cell phone. Nor is it the coveted Ipod.)
And also, Ebay is my friend. I can find *It* on Ebay. Whatever *It* is. Which is where I was able to snatch up something for the pup at much cheaper then store prices – NIB. Awesome. Now I just need to locate some MoonSand for her. As it’s the “ONE! THING! MAMA!” that she wants most of all.
The girl, she is another thing altogether. She isn’t sure WHAT she wants – other then a crockpot. So, it’s guessing time for her, but she’s such a good kid and a girlygirl, I’m sure some of my bargain finds will make her happy too. Man am I glad she loves to cook! mmmmmmmmyummy!
So, come 3am or so, I’d finished the online portion of my shopping to my satisfaction. Now come Dec. 20th when I get paid and do local shopping, I shall be much less frantic! Yay! Cuz then it’s all stocking stuffers and little things, and whew. This is probably why I’m humming.
— Course, I also find myself retreating into a solitude and hiding in general – a social recluse. There is a lot of talk of Kevin by the kids and understandably so, and I encourage that. Unfortunately it’s like stabbing myself all over again each time, too. So I put on a brave face, and we laugh, and sometimes cry, and remember what each empty millimeter of my heart was once filled with.
— I also wonder how it is that all of his friends have disappeared. Once swearing they’d be here, they wouldn’t forget, they’d make sure to check in on us and see if we needed anything…. there is no contact, no returning of phone calls, and no checking in. I quit trying, because I won’t force myself on anyone, but even the kids notice it. I just tell them everyone works through things in their own way – they miss Daddy too, and they just can’t handle it. Sometimes, though, I envy their ability to use the out of sight, out of mind method of coping – because while Kevin’s certainly out of sight, he’s by no means ever out of mind. It’d be easier if it were that way – but no one said love and loss was easy, hm? Let alone fair.
— Though, that said, I do wish the guy who donated the Ham to us last year would show up again with another one. That was some damn good eatin! YUM!
— This conflicting of emotions is leaving me humming with tears burning behind my eyes, as well as sleepless. So I will go to bed here soon as the pup is off to school, having finally worked myself into such exhaustion that not even Diet Crack Coke can permeate it.. I can fell it pressing against me, suffocating my will to sit here and find something, anything else to do rather then face my bed again.
— Unless, of course, that nameless hunk in the red ribbon shows up in again. Rawr. Then? Then! I shall go willingly to dreamland.
— Wouldn’t you?
