SHE’S TOO YOUNG! alternately titled “STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!” or “I’M NOT READY!”
Oh. My. God.
Ok – So, here’s todays update on THAT BOY. As you can see by the picture (MOM! you’re not putting that on the INTERNET ARE YOU? Oh yes. child. yes I am.) The girl came home all giggly and with a NOTE. A yellow sticky pad note in fact. Once finding out that her brother was not in earshot, I got to SEE said note. On it, it says, and I quote: “will u go out with me, please? DON’T LAUGH!” When I reswallowed my heart, I said “Well, what did you say?” and my daughter, my lovely girl, reconfirmed that she is a GOOD girl. “I told him I’d have to talk to my mom, first.”
Score a point for the girl!
But I am SO NOT READY FOR THIS! OMG.
The full story went something like this. Apparently during lunch today he was all nervous and such and kept saying “i dunno how to say this” and scratching his head and pacing and she was all “uh, say what?” and HE was all “You know!” and she was all “….know what?” (way to play hard to get girly! whoot!) (obviously I’m of more then one mind about all this. *L*) And then he was all “The way they do it on the MOVIES is stupid, and the way they do it on TV is bull, and GAH! YOU know!” and she said “know WHAT?” And finally he asked someone for a piece of paper and that someone wouldn’t give him one so he ran all the way to the office and got a sticky note and wrote on it and ran back.
And then he showed her the “don’t laugh” part. and she said “i won’t laugh” and he said “promise!” and she said promise! and he said “PINKY SWEAR!” and she pinky swore!
and then he showed her the rest of the note! and she got all blushy! and giggly! and then said “I’ll have to talk to my mom” and he said “cool!”
OH.
My.
Fucking.
God!
I am so not ready for this. For the boy, I was prepared a bit, but WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? she is TOO YOUNG! At only 11 (11.5 mom!) dating is a total no go. So, We started laying ground rules involving THATBOY.
- You can hang out at school and during school functions as you have been. For school functions I will drop you off and pick you up as normal. There is the big 6th grade dance in a couple months, and you may attend that. I will drop you off and pick you up as normal. He will arrange for his own ride.
- If there is a party, that is chaperoned, and i know the parents and kids attending, you may attend. I will drop you off and pick you up as normal. He will arrange for his own ride.
- If there is a movie that we as a family are attending – and by family i mean INCLUDING YOUR BROTHER – he may attend also. His family can drop him off and pick him up unless it is arranged before hand BETWEEN US PARENTS, not you children. And you are too children stop looking at me like that. (Can we sit in a different row? – you may sit DIRECTLY in front of me or in the same row – How about two rows ahead, or across the isle – you can not attend any movie – in front of you is good – that’s what I thought.)
- Yes, you may ask him to attend Church Awanas with you on wednesdays. His parents will have to drop him off and pick him up.
- Then she asked all hopefully “Can I give him my phone number?” and I was like thinking (NO! DAMMIT NO!) “you haven’t already?” but said “Yes, you may. We will discuss time limits and other limits on the phone, however, if you start spending ALL your time on the phone.”
OY VEY! And here I thought our FIRST step would be getting through the whole monthly curse deal. But oh no. She wants a BOYFRIEND! OMFG!!!!
Someone pass me the paperbag to breathe into. GAH!!!!
And then I called papa to have him bust out the guns to load and knives to sharpen and oh. my. GAWD. Papa, of course, on hearing the contents of the note, said “Sure. i’d LOVE to go out with him.” and then he heard my stipulations on any out of school interaction, and he just started LAUGHING. “Seems I’ve heard all this before!” and I was like yes. but I WAS ALMOST 16!!! and he said “That don’t matter. Perhaps I should tell this boy that I can be bribed – not cheaply, but I can be”
and thus ended Papa’s chance of chaperoning! HARUMPH!
Dear ‘Perfect’ Neighbor.
Have I ever bitched about the snowmachines and boats revving at all hours of the day and night? have i ever bitched that you come into my yard and ‘clean’ it whenever you deem it too messy by your standards? have I ever bitched about many other ‘helpful’ (but really only helpful to you) things that you have done over the years? Haven’t i ALWAYS said thank you for the things that ARE helpful, and most times for those that are annoying beyond belief because my parents raised me to be a smart and respectful kid?
Have i ever not asked you if it is alright if my children play on your swingset? And have I not always pulled them away home when it isn’t and taken care of any problems instantly and immediately?
Have i ever commented on the recent influx of all manner of vehicles parked haphazardly along the road (near blocking it many times) and the propensity of many of those visiters SPEEDING down the road past my house? Or said visiters taunting my dog until she is near frenzy – which takes some doing as she’s such a giant loveable pup. Though it must be remembered she IS a rottweiler, and if she breaks off her chain because of your visitors taunting and an incident results it is NOT my fault but yours?
Have I not done everything including keeping my mouth shut about all manner of things over the years because truly it is none of my business what you do on your own property? For instance your summertime feeding of those goddamn noisy fucking seagulls that now return every fucking year in a flock bigger and noisier then the year before? Even though there is a WEALTH of bitchery about what I do on MY own property? That I usually get second and third hand, thank you very much, as the preferred method of communication is the ‘behind the back snipery to the parents’ type as if I am 10, instead of an adult – and as if you are a teenager instead of a grown woman older then I am?
So my dog goes out for 15-30 minutes [NOT “over an hour”] in the early am to pee, and just this week, mind you, has been barking to scare something larger then her off. After all – you never noticed BEFORE have you? I didn’t think so, as you obvioiusly aren’t one to keep quiet.
I’m already working on breaking her of that early morning habit as it’s fucking with MY sleep – but until you want to come over and clean up any eventual accidents inside the house that I may step in?
Fuck off.
~L
ps. “perfect” neighbors suck.
pps. and calling me at 7am is NEVER ok. Unless your my Family. Or it’s an emergancy concerning my family.
ppps. that ‘coming over to clean up the accident’ was not a real invitation.
pppps. should you, the ‘perfect’ neighbor, read this, without my knowledge and the like? Oh well, now you know. my space, my thoughts, my annoyances, my money that pays for it all. Ain’t free speech a bitch? ‘Sides, you weren’t invited anyway. shoo now. there’s a good girl.
ppppps. obviously, i need one of those shirts “I’m SO blogging about this!” Heh.
Oh. HEYALL NO.
Today? Today I met. THATBOY.
Oh yes. Yes indeed. See, The Girl had her last call back for the talent show and wanted me there for ‘good luck’ so I went over about lunch time. And for those playing at home, you know that this boy has been sitting with her at lunch time. SO! I nudge her and ask where he is, and she can’t find him, and then THERE he comes, just sauntering up and says “I was behind you the whole time.” And then proceeds to introduce himself to me, and make a point of talking with me for a while, as he hovered over TheGirl and watched her eat.
[it was kinda cute. but for the fact that he’s THATBOY and sniffin around my daughter!]
So, he waved and wished her luck for her tryout and ran off with the boys. I, being the FABULOUS mum that I am? Snuck a picture of him on my cell phone while I was pretending to “check for messages” from Auntie Ladybug. Since it was the phone, it’s not the best picture – but well, Red Hair, Freckles, Glasses, skinny goofy band geeky kid.
So I called Uncle Bubba – who has red hair, freckles, glasses, and was a goofy kid minus the band, and also happens to be one of my exs and well. I yelled at him. For surely. it is ALL HIS FAULT. Cuz clearly he like, instilled the like of goofy redheads with freckles in my dna and it thus passed down to my daughter. or something. *L* He called and promptly GROUNDED the GIRL for LIFE.
That’s mah bubba! *grins*
So – AFTER school, she makes sure that the boy isn’t listening and fills me in on the LATEST updates. (Yes. there’s MORE. gah!) Apparently two of THATBOYs friends were talking in her reading class, not realizing she was on the floor reading her book. It went like this.
Boy1: “THATBOY likes TheGirl! THATBOY likes TheGirl!” singsongs.
Boy2: “LIKE likes?”
Boy1: “LIKE likes.”
Boy2: “Which girl?”
Boy1: “The Girl!
At which point my OH so confident daughter popped up her head, grinned and said “Thanks! I needed to know that!” and the boys GASPED and wouldn’t say anything else.
And my neice, Uncle Bubba’s girl? A year older then The Girl – Got caught with a boy in her room. And grounded.
Wonder if we can get bulk pricing on those chastity belts……
—
And! The tryout? She was told that it was impressive that she’d come so far, and learned the song that well in just 4 days, but that it wasn’t ready for the talent show (this tuesday). Ms B however did tell her to get the piano accompanyment, and taht she’d be happy to play it with her for a band concert, or for the mini compition for solos and ensembles that the band teacher has the last week of school. So! That was good, if a little disappointing. TheGirl took it really well, and is really pumped up and ready to practice and try for a solo spot at the next concert. *Grin*
HAH! try and fool ME will ya!
So, the girl comes home today, and soon as her brother makes scarce, I go all singsong teasy on her “sooooooooOOOOOoooooo did THATBOY sit by you at lunch again today?”
TheGirl: No.
Me: No?
TheGirl: No – i had to eat quick so I could go see Ms. B again about the talent show remember?
Me: Oh! Ok. So no sitting with the boy.
TheGirl: Besides – all the tables were filled so we couldn’t find any seats together.
Me: do WHAT? So you were LOOKING for seats together so you could sit, but the whole school was agianst you?
TheGirl: Um. uh. Well. uh. Ya see. I.
Me: You weren’t gonna TELL me you TRIED to sit together, is that it? As it insinuates a PRIOR agreement to MEET where – at your locker? and walk TO the lunchroom TOGETHER all for the purposes of sitting together for lunch?
The Girl: Well, uh..
Me: Did ya make mooony love eyes at him across the table?
The Girl: No! We uh, were facing different directions.
Me: Oh, so it was little glances over your shoulder then…
TheGirl: MOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Me: I see. And typing class?
TheGirl: siiiiiigh – i don’t have typing anymore.
Harumph. The little wench tried to hide TheRestOfTheStory! Then!
TheGirl: Mom? Why’d you have to replace dad?
Me: Huh?
TheGirl: Well, if HE was here, you’d be all EXCITED about this boy..
Me: Replace him? Darling, I have yet to forbid you to sit next to him, threaten to shoot him, or TELL YOUR BROTHER about him…
TheGirl: Oh. Um. Never mind. I love you mommy!
Me: THATs what I thought. *Smirk*
Harumph. Seriously. Chastity Belts!
Dear Google,
…HUH? Why on earth do I come up as the number one search result for man boobs marijuana?
Seriously! I’ve always wanted to be number one – but um, could we talk about which words put me in such an enviable position? Please?
Thanks.
~L
(*L* It is to a monthly archive page, which explains it, as its not one entry, but several – but still.)
