So.

For anyone who may need to know: When the Social Security office tells you that you will qualify for two months benefits right off the bat – this does not mean you will RECIEVE two months right off the bat. Since they pay “one month behind” That means that you will get last months, this month and this months next month. Yes. confusing? Yes. But, basically it boils down to this; the only reason I received SS benefits for me and the kids this month was because Kevin died the last week of August. Otherwise I’d be out of luck until October. So, while their explanation was confusing, I’m still very glad to have gotten what I did this month because we’re still doing ok. And with Dividends coming in on the 12th, and SS bene’s on the 19th, I can get things paid up a month ahead for the biggies and it’ll all be good.

Course, what would be REALLY good, is if I could get a goddamn death certificate. I mean, really – it’s been almost 4 weeks. And you would think that things could move on a little faster then this? Its a month, and we still don’t know *why* he died, just that he’s gone. Which, granted, is good to know since we already spread his ashes at the wake, but for crissakes! There are things I need to do and I can’t do anything without the death certificate! One, and the biggest one aside from simply *knowing* is getting my house payment reduced. being a “farm home” loan, it goes according to income and as obviously my income is drasically reduced, I can get the payments subsidized again and have something a little easier to deal with instead of the current payment.

Thank goodness for the help the company gave us, as well as the fact that the dividends are coming in next month too, because then I can do the “pay ahead” method on the bills, and then continue that instead of having to work from behind as I always have before. Not exactly the way I wanted to get out of debt, but. well. yeah.

And that’s the OTHER thing. SS benefits are deposited on the third wednesday of every month. The third wednesday. Everything is DUE in the first two weeks of the month, yet I’ll not have money until the third week – what kind of sense does this make? Absofuckinglutely none, really. Another reason the ‘pay ahead’ method will have to be utilized.

I’m in an all around….. blah. today. Just… can’t seem to summon the energy to do much of anything. Randomly surfed around and added links over there to people who managed to get an amused snot or even a grin from me today. Figure if they can amuse me today, then they’re well worth the read. check em out.

Ugh. I feel like my irritation last night and burst of productivity reguarding kenai little league took it all outa me. There’s nothing left, but to sit here and just. stare, or something.

So uh. Yeah. Feel free to stare along.

bah humbug!

Dammit. Why can’t people just… just… GET INVOLVED? No, I’m not talking about Katrina, or Rita, or anything so far removed, as I’m selfish like that. But you know – if I can get out and about in support of my kids and their love of Little League Baseball play, even enough to allow myself to be volunteered to be on the board of directors, in the midst of my own little breakdown..

WHY CAN’T ANYONE ELSE?

Five.

There were FIVE of us that showed up for a meeting where at least 150 letters of intention were sent out and notice placed on the website.

Five.

IT really just boggles the mind. I was at the ball fields 6 days a week, with three kids playing in three different divisions, along with keeping the website up to date, and games listed and available for parents and anyone who needed them! I am no where near a “super mom” – in fact I fail my kids brilliantly sometimes, but goddammit when they love something as much as they love LIttle League, i’m there for them 100%!

We postponed the meeting till next month. I came home and made phone calls. Nana Moosie is going to write a letter to the editor for me. I’ll see that the next meeting is announced in the paper. Ladybug will pass the word. Miss A. has already agreed to come and help be involved and possibly serve a position on the board if needed.

If we can’t fill all 7 positions on the board? There will be NO KLL next year! Something that makes my daughter whimper every time I said it on the phone tonight.

Dammit if people can’t get off their ass? I’ma sic my daughter on them. Let them try and say no to those big blue eyes all welled up with tears!

Bah humbug.

One more thing….

Thank you cards are *done*.

Not only that – they are *mailed* and the two public thank you’s are emailed to the papers and one rather long 2 page letter to those at Alpine where he worked, including copies of the memorial cards are also *done* and *mailed*.

Ain’tcha proud, Momma?

Ya better be. I’ve a hand cramp the size of Texas. *heh*

Heheh

Woke up this morning (For the second time- the first was to get the pup ready for sunday school with gramma) to the sounds of the boy giggling and making sound effects and such. It was good to hear, and made me grin a bit as I leveraged my poor sick battered frame out of bed. What made me laugh outright, though, was exactly *what* he was laughing at! I came to the living room, and peeked at the TV and found him watching….

…The Roadrunner and Wile E Coyote!

Yes, the boy had discovered something from MY past that made him giggle just as hard as I did when I was a child. “Man, mom. That stupid Coyote never learns, does he? What an idiot! Splat! You’d think he’d figure out not to do that stuff next to a cliff!” pause. “Or at least order things from a different company other then Acme! Satisfaction guarenteed. HA!”

It made me laugh. *g*

ugh

This flu is totally kicking my ass. My back and shoulders hurt so bad from repetitive explosive sneezes sneaking up on my that i find it hard to relax in just about any position. I felt better for a while today, but it’s starting to kick me again, and I just want to curl up in a corner and watch stupid movies. And I might just do that later. Right now, the girl and her friends have control. heh.

I’ve always been that parent that is very lacadasical about field trips – I trust the teachers and have no problem sending my kiddo off for a day with them. Until today. I had no problem signing up the pup, and getting her up early and heading into the store for a new hat. Then i saw miss E, who had just found out about kevin, and it hit me a bit. Then I had to drop off my child at the ungodly hour of 6:45am to spend all damn day away from me and out of contact. Out of town. I…. didn’t like it. At all. I hadn’t slept at all until this morning, and then I found myself lashed to my cell phone just in case. It was odd – I’ve never felt that off about them before, but I know it’s because some part of me was thinking that…. i’d sent my husband out of town, and he didn’t come back.

Irrational, I know. And I berated myself for it all day. but I didn’t like it. No one was happier then me to see the busses pull up and unload at 7pm tonight, at which time I greated the pup with a lollipop and listened to everything she’d done and seen and promptly wished she’d be quiet. *L* Oy. That child can talk! I spent two years teaching her to walk and talk, now all I want her to do is sit down and shut up. *L*

So yeah. tired, grumpy, unsettled, sick, and tired. did I mention tired? Yes.

Night.